


Canvas

by whisper_feather



Series: Canvas [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: 17th Century, Art, Artists, Dom Jung Taekwoon, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk - Freeform, Kim Wonshik | Ravi - Freeform, Lee Hongbin - Freeform, Lee Jaehwan | Ken - Freeform, Leo - Freeform, M/M, N - Freeform, Painting, Sub Cha Hakyeon | N, Vixx - Freeform, canvas, kpop, leon - Freeform, neo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-08-26 13:30:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16682524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisper_feather/pseuds/whisper_feather
Summary: VIXX - Neo/LeoNAU where in XVII century Taekwoon is a poor artist who dreams of creating paintings that will delight the world. He has lost hope of getting out of misery. But he needs a model for the painting that was ordered.Money is really all that he needs?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was published on Twitter.
> 
> https://twitter.com/whisper_feather/status/1021153417216110592

"I'm done!"

Taekwoon turned to the voice. Sanghyuk threw his leather bag over his shoulder and looked at him. A happy smile appeared on his young face.

"Thank you." Taekwoon walked to him with a golden coin in his hand. He handed it to Sanghyuk, his hand was all in paint.

"But that's too much. And you paid me yesterday."

"You deserve it. And what about the model girl you were supposed to bring here?"

"Hmm... Will be here tonight. But Taekwoon, that's too much, you need money..." Sanghyuk was stubborn. He wanted to give away the money, but Taekwoon turned to avoid it.

"Go now, they are waiting for you at home."

 

Taekwoon returned to the canvas. Painting was close to finished. He heard a sigh behind his back, then a silent crack of the door. Sanghyuk was a good kid who helped him a lot. He received meager pennies and endured the difficult company of a poor painter.

 

And yet, he always tried to be the best in everything. But that's not why Taekwoon gave him a gold coin. Sanghyuk was patient and loyal, and Taekwoon couldn't express his gratitude otherwise.

 

He sat and looked at the canvas. He didn't like this. It was gloomy sea coast at night. The only bright point was the lighthouse. He made a few more moves with a brush and stood up, nervous.

He hated this paiting, he was so tired because of this but the customer will pay him enough, so he could buy some food finally.

 

Taekwoon stood in the window and stared at the street. People did their things. Sometimes, someone rode on a horse or a horse-drawn carriage. It was a poor neighborhood. Gray, devoid of colors. He hated this place and hated himself. However, he was not brave enough to finish it.

After all, he wanted to create something. He wanted to create art that people will admire and love. Even if he had to suffer every day, alone.

 

Gray street was colored by the elegant black. Clean, expensive. Two men were headed towards his small, narrow house. Taekwoon sighed and combed his red hair. He knew that they would appear one day. He didn't think it would be so soon.

 

Soon he heard a strong hit to the door. He sighed and walked barefoot to the lower floor. He hesitated for some time before he opened the door.

"Finally!" an annoyed voice replied.

"Hello, Jaehwan." Taekwoon muttered.

"Mr. Lee for you." he wasn't happy, like always.

 

Jaehwan stepped inside, he had a twisted face. He stood straight, proud, strong. His brother came behind him.

"Hongbin." Taekwoon greeted him, but he only replied with a smile. The dimples appeared in the cheeks.

"When will you pay?" asked Jaehwan directly.

"When I get the payment for the order. I've already told you."

"When? I want to know the specific date."

 

Taekwoon sighed. He wanted to hit him so badly. Or kill. He could kill him. His clothes, smelling of money, would burn in the fireplace.

"Tomorrow I should get money. I have another order. You will get everything."

Jaehwan murmured.

"May it be good, worth a good payment, otherwise you return to the street."

"I know."

"Ah, in that case you're smarter than you look." he laughed coldly.

 

He left, followed by Hongbin who, as usual, didn't say a single word. Taekwoon closed the door and clenched his fists. He wondered what it would be like to mix paint with blood... He suddenly heard a knock. Quiet. He didn't want to open, but he did it anyway.

 

"Hongbin?"

"Forgive my brother, he has a hot temper. He knows that you will not have money without paintings." he said. His voice was soft and pleasant. Taekwoon admired his beautiful face for a moment. How nice it would be to paint him...

 

Hongbin reached into his pocket and handed him a bundle of money.

"Take them."

"What?"

"Please, take it. I can see that you eat nothing, your dyes end and you paint on old canvases..."

"How..."

"It doesn't matter how I know about it. Take that money and buy what you need, I don't want a return. Treat it as an investment... But you must paint as best as you can."

 

Taekwoon held money in his hands and felt his heart beat. It was a little fortune and he didn't imagine he will be holding something like that. He was so shocked. He felt a dry throat.

 

"Use them wisely."

"I..."

"See you later!" Hongbin didn't let him speak and left, closing the door behind him.

 

Taekwoon sat and watched the money lying on the table. He clenched his long fingers, dirty from dyes and pursed his lips. He was afraid. He didn't want to use them. Lee's brothers, from whom he rented an apartment, could do it on purpose. And then they will judge him for theft.

 

No. Not Hongbin. He was too good, too generous. Taekwoon got up and put the money in the corner of the room under the floorboard. He threw them into the casket, where he also kept his mother's medallion. It was the only thing he had after her.

 

Silver, with a large green emerald. If he sold it, he would be able to afford a home and a few years of life without worrying about poverty.

 

But it was priceless. He will never sell it. He would rather die. He took only one banknote and put on his coat. He left, avoiding people eyes. He bought bread, cheese and milk. After some thought, he also took a piece of meat.

 

He hasn't eaten so well in a long time. In fact, he doesn't remember if he has ever eaten so well since he lived in this damned city. He finished when somebody knocked at his door again. He frowned and suddenly remembered.

Model girl.

 

But when he opened the door, he saw a man. He frowned.

"Yes? How can I help?"

"I'm here for a job." his voice was soft, like silk.

"Work? It's probably a mistake..."

"Jung Taekwoon?"

"Yes."

"Then it's not a mistake... Sanghyuk said that you are looking for a model."

 

Taekwoon needed a moment to understand the situation.

"You are not a girl!" he called and sighed, squeezing his eyes. He mumbled for a moment, nervously.

"Is this a problem? I... I need money. Really..."

"Come in." he murmured and let him in. "What's your name?"

"Hakyeon."

"Eh, fine. Hakyeon. I need to watch you, I hope you don't mind. The painting is an act." Taekwoon closed the door.

"Oh... Sanghyuk didn't mentioned that." Hakyeon paled slightly.

"As you can see, he omitted many things. So?"

"Well, I don't have much choice."

"Me too."

 

* * *

 

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

The window was covered, the smell of paint was spreading around. The house was small and there was a mess, but there was something about that man...

 

Maybe his hair? Red, like fire. Hakyeon looked at him intrigued. He was afraid of that moment, but now he suddenly felt calm. He was looking at Taekwoon's back as he leaned against the fireplace. He added wood, sparks flew. It was warm and quiet.

 

Hakyeon didn't wait. He took off his coat and shirt. After a moment, he decided took off the pants too. When Taekwoon turned and looked at him, his heart beat harder. He wanted to hide from this look.

 

"You have a small figure." he said and walked closer. His long and warm fingers moved over his shoulder. Hakyeon blinked, pursing his lips. He felt fingers on his back and hips. Gentle touches, like he was made of porcelain. This moment was so special in some way.

 

"You can get dressed."

"Already? I thought... we would start today?" Hakyeon reached for his clothes.

"No. It's too late today, the light isn't too good. Come in the morning. Early." his voice was gentle, quiet. He didn't quite fit his great, though slim, posture.

"Maybe after sunrise?"

"Yes."

 

Hakyeon nodded and adjusted his coat. He stood still, not really knowing what to do. Taekwoon also stood and looked at him. He couldn't take his eyes off this strange artist.

"You can go." said Taekwoon.

"Ah of course! Sorry... goodbye." he said awkwardly and left.

 

He didn't think it would end like this. That he will pose for someone's painting. But he needed money to stay here. He was safe for now and didn't have to run away. His family shouldn't find him here. For sure for a long time.

 

He returned to the inn where he stopped. For the last money he had rented a small room on the ground floor. It wasn't pleasant, but the bedding seemed clean. He lay down and tried to fall asleep.

 

When he closed his eyes, he saw fire, red hair and a pair of eyes. He wondered how it would all go. Is he good enough?

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

He set the mirror towards the window so that the light would fall on the chair. He stared at it for a moment, thinking how it could look better. He couldn't demand too much, since the conditions were that bad. He already had enough trouble.

 

He heard two voices and soon Sanghyuk and Hakyeon appeared in the room. Sanghyuk was cheerful and amused. Taekwoon looked at him without emotion, hands on his hips, barefoot in the middle of the room.

 

"I'm in trouble?" the boy asked.

"It depends. Do you understand what someone is saying to you?"

 

Sanghyuk sighed and looked at Hakyeon, who stood with blushes on his round cheeks. Taekwoon looked at him for a while. When theirs eyes met, he looked away at Sanghyuk again.

 

"Well?" Taekwoon sigh.

"I met Hakyeon by accident. He needed help and... just look at him! Perfect for painting!"

"It's not a girl, the client wanted a girl's act."

"Well, yes, but... you're a good artist, I'm sure you can handle it. I'm going to my duties, you probably should too. There's not much time."

"Since when are you the master of this house?" Taekwoon asked.

"Since I'm your friend. And if you insist to give me your money, at least that's all I can do. I'm going to the market. Do you have a list?"

"On the table."

 

Sanghyuk smiled, took the list and the money bag. Then he left. Taekwoon and Hakyeon stood in silence. The air seemed strangely heavy. Maybe that why, because Taekwoon was supposed to paint a girl, and now he has a man in front of him.

 

Yes, Hakyeon was beautiful. He felt with his cold heart that the paintings would be unique thanks to him, but the client's wish was more important.

 

"What are we going to start from?" Hakyeon asked, breaking the silence.

"Undress and sit there. You can cover up your hips with this material." he muttered, setting the height of the easel.

 

In a few minutes Hakyeon was ready and sat in a chair. Taekwoon was watching him for a moment with quiet admiration. His skin was golden brown. Smooth, perfect. His stomach jumped.

Taekwoon sighed in surprise. Light reflected from the mirror perfectly illuminated his face and body.

"Do not move!" he said, maybe a bit too sharply.

"Hm? But..."

"I said, do not move, it's perfect..." he came over and gave Hakyeon a pillow under his back. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Mh." Taekwoon muttered and watched him for a moment. He grabbed his chin and turned it gently to the side, lifted it up and adjusted his hair. His touch was delicate. He had to be careful because it was the only model he had.

 

Taekwoon returned quickly to the easel and grabbed the sharpened coal to start the sketch. He laid the lines on paper. He tried to capture the outline of the body with a quick movement.

 

But the head was too low.

_Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!_

He tore the paper and threw it to the ground and began from the beginning. This time hands weren't as it should be.

"Give your right hand higher. Yes. Stay like this. No, second hand must rest on a chair."

 

Taekwoon threw five sketches before he managed to capture the way he wanted. He was satisfied. Now he had to prepare colors for the first layers.

"Well... there is a sketch first." a voice came.

"Mh."

"I understand that this first hour is a sketch. How long will it take you to paint?"

"Much more."

"Oh, and I need to stay like this all the time?"

"Mh."

"Oh. Well, I've always been curious about it. I've seen a few paintings, they were so... detailed. How is it done? I mean... how can you do this in such details? It's almost unreal."

"You talk too much."

"I'm sorry, I'm just curious."

 

Taekwoon turned his eyes away from the sketch and looked again at Hakyeon. His beauty was difficult to describe. He could look at him for hours. He wanted to sketch him for hours and paint him, using all colors. He felt alive again, suddenly.

 

"You talk too much and move too much. Stop it or I will not pay you." he said, and Hakyeon froze, pursing his lips. The corner of Takewoon's mouth twitched and he returned to the sketch, which he had to transfer to the canvas as soon as he prepared the base background.

"Don't be mean." Hakyeon murmured, sitting still.

"I'm not nice."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't know me."

"You're an artist, every artist has a beautiful soul, even if he thinks that's not true." Taekwoon looked at him again.

 

What could he know about what the artist feels? He didn't know what it was like to hate oneself so much that he felt nauseated. There were such days. It was better to stay cold and stay away from people.

"I will not pay you." he said quietly, and Hakyeon pursed his lips again.

 

Taekwoon sighed, stood up and walked over to Hakyeon. He put his thumb on his lower lip until he split his lips again. He touched them for a moment, feeling their softness and warmth. They were pink. Inviting.

Hakyeon's eyes were shining. As if they were full of stars. How was he supposed to paint it?

"When you do that, your face changes." Taekwoon whispered. "Relax, please."

"Mh... I will try." Hakyeon said gently but none of them moved.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakyeon appeard suddenly.  
> "What have you done?!"  
> "It's terrible. I hate it." he spoke barely conscious.

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

He was surprised. The gentleness of Taekwoon's fingers, his touch, his voice, his eyes. Hakyeon burned inside and didn't understand why. His heart was beating fast and strange thoughts circled around his head. Why? Why he was like this?

 

His red hair. His unusual eyes, as if they belonged to two different people. His quiet voice. His lips. Why did Hakyeon think about kissing him? This situation was beyond his imagination. It was like in another world.

 

And he was sitting naked. Taekwoon was a man. He shouldn't think about it. They were looking at each other. Hakyeon could still feel his thumb on his lips. What will happen soon? What should he do or say? Or should he be silent?

 

"Takewoon?" Hakyeon whispered. Taekwoon began to open his mouth when the door opened.

"I'm back!" Sanghyuk announced. Taekwoon turned slowly and naturally, as if he didn't feel any tension. So only Hakyeon felt like a tense string? Or maybe it's because of his own nudity?

 

Why did he feel anger? Anger because Sanghyuk entered the room without warning. Hakyeon looked away and clenched his jaw. He didn't understand what was happening to him.

 

"You have everything?" Taekwoon asked.

"Yes." the boy replied.

"Good. Enough money for everything?"

"Mh. I also have food. Do a break. I will cut the cheese and bread."

"We can't make a break. The light is too precious now!" there was anger and nervousness in his voice.

"You have to. There's a customer waiting for the painting downstairs." Sanghyuk explained, not caring for Taekwoon's anger.

"Ah, this damned lighthouse! Damn him! Let him pay well!" he growled and walked around the room for a short while. Finally, he took the frame and left.

 

"And how is it going?" Sanghyuk asked and handed him a cup of water.

"I can't move."

"Come on, of course you can. Besides you have to eat something, you're pale."

"Mh." Hakyeon murmured and covered himself more. He wanted to hide.

 

He took the mug and drank with relief.

"He's probably not in a good mood."

"Who? Taekwoon? No, he has a really good day today." Hakyeon looked at him in shock.

"Is this his good day?"

"Oh, yes. Sometimes he goes crazy. Once he destroyed the entire studio, because the color wasn't as he wanted. Sometimes he screams, but sometimes he paints day and night, Without me, he wouldn't eat or drink anything."

"Good God. And what about this painting?"

"Ah, it's for a very important customer. Takewoon can be more nervous, but if he does, he'll open a lot of doors for him, and give him money."

"Money. They always count the most, right?"

"Well... You have to eat." Sanghyuk gave him a piece of cheese and bread. "You have to live somehow." Hakyeon ate and drank, but he wasn't sure what their partnership would look like. But he hoped that everything would work out well.

 

Hakyeon looked at the sketches that lay on the floor. His own face had so many details. How did he manage to do it in such a short time? Will Taekwoon throw them out? When Sanghyuk was busy arranging dyes, Hakyeon got up and took one of the sketches.

 

"Can I take it?" he asked.

"Hm... take it if you want. He will burn it anyway."

Without a second thought, he folded the paper and put it in his small bag. He returned to the chair and tried to sit down as before.

 

Taekwoon returned shortly thereafter.

"And?" Sanghyuk asked cheerfully.

"Good. Enough for the Lee brothers."

"They will be today? Both?"

"As always. Why do you ask?"

"For no reason..."

 

Taekwoon frowned and looked at Hakyeon this time.

"We have to continue, did you rest enough?"

"Yes, but you will pay me, right?" he managed a short smile.

"We will see... Firts you need to close your beautiful pink lips and tilt your head more to the side."

 

Hakyeon's stomach tightened. Did he really like it? Or it was a feeling of fear and uncertainty? He had a feeling he would find out soon.

 

They took another break to eat something. Only thanks to the fact that Sanghyuk was watching over it. Hakyeon felt sore and tired from a constant sitting in one position. Later Taekwoon insisted on getting back to work. An hour has passed. There was an perfect silence.

 

Which was only interrupted by the sound of a brush gliding over the canvas. Until the music from below was heard. Like a guitar.

"Did you close the door, Sanghyuk?" Taekwoon asked.

"For sure."

"Ah!" suddenly Taekwoon jumped up and ran out of the studio. "Wonshik, you bastard!"

The music stoped.

"Why are you treating me like that?"

"I'm working! Play anywhere else!" he shouted. "And don't enter to my house as if it were yours!"

"You gave me the key." the guest murmured and turned upstairs. Taekwoon sighed nervously and returned to the canvas.

 

But he noticed that the material on Hakyeon's hips was slipping down, so he went over to correct it. And then Hakyeon saw Wonshik.

"Oh, you're working. Woah. Hello. I'm Wonshik."

"Hello, I'm Hakyeon. I'm sorry I won't give a hand, but..."

"Don't move!" Taekwoon raised his voice. "Ahh, there are too many of you here, Wonshik, go away!"

"Why?" he asked in the tone of a sorrowful child. "I have nothing to do. I thought I would visit you. I will not bother you."

"You will speak, you will be strumming on the guitar... You will breathe." Taekwoon mumbled under his breath, agitated. He massaged his temples. Hakyeon looked worriedly at Wonshik, but he just laughed.

"Hi Sanghyuk."

"Hi." the boy continued mixing the dyes.

 

Didn't anyone really care about Takewoon's bad mood? Hakyeon felt anxious. He wanted to do something, but he didn't know what.

"You're a musician?" Hakyeon asked.

"Yes, very liked." he smiled broadly.

"Then go and play to your audience." Taekwoon growled.

 

He stood with his back to them, but when he looked at them, his eyes seemed darker.

"Do you know why so few people want to talk to you? Because you're like a gloomy old cat. Smile from time to time."

"I'll be smiling when I kick your ass. It's an important order... and I have very little time to finish it. So you could listen and leave for once!" Wonshik sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Well, good, you don't have to scream at me... I'm going."

"Fine, I don't want to see your face anymore."

"Until you finish the painting," Wonshik added. "Hm."

"What again?! Why are you still here?!"

"Because you have guests..." he said and Taekwoon turned. Two men stood at the doorstep of his studio. There was silence.

 

"Money, Taekwoon. You said you would have it." said one of them.

"Without greeting?" he asked the other. "A bit of culture, Jaehwan." he smiled and looked at Wonshik. Hakyeon didn't know what was happening here. But he caught a glance between the musician and the other man with the dimples in his cheeks.

"Fine, before you two devour yourself." murmured Jaehwan. "Good afternoon. And now I'm asking for money." he reached hand.

"Downstairs." Taekwoon muttered and left, followed by Jaehwan.

"I haven't seen you here before." said Wonshik.

"Because we didn't meet yet. But I know who you are. I'm sure that the whole city knows." he laughed. "Lee Hongbin."

"Kim Wonshik." they did a handshake. Hakyeon felt something is going on.

"Do you want a separate room, doves?" Sanghyuk chuckled, who was looking at them amused.

"It won't be necessary. Ah, hello." he finally noticed Hakyeon, but he didn't pay much attention to him. "I will join to my brother. See you later."

"I dream about it." Wonshik murmured. The guest laughed and disappeared on the stairs.

"Damn Taekwoon. He keeps such acquaintances secretly in front of me." Sanghyuk rolled his eyes and returned to work.

 

Hakyeon understood that all this time he was sitting stiffly, although he could at least straighten his back. However, when he thought about it, Taekwoon returned

 

Anger on his face, fury in the eyes. He looked beautiful, but apparently this time it was an expression that couldn't be ignored. Because Sanghyuk was silent, and Wonshik murmured only a short goodbye and left.

 

They finished in the late afternoon, when there was no more light in the room, and even the mirror didn't help. Hakyeon wanted to see the painting when he was dressed, but Taekwoon wouldn't let him.

"Later." he only said.

 

Hakyeon didn't insist, because he had a sketch already. Taekwoon gave him the money and asked him to come at the same time tomorrow. He thought about the day all evening. His body ached, but he comforted himself with the warm soup he could finally afford.

 

He tried to understand everything. His feelings, which came out of nowhere. Thoughts about Taekwoon. Maybe because he was such an amazing person? Attractive?

 

But why interest in his touch? Shit, he was thinking about kissing him. Hakyeon was with the girl. There was nothing extraordinary about it, and although it was nice, it didn't seem unusual to him. And now he wondered what it would be like. Being under someone who...

 

"Taekwoon." he whispered and felt the heat on his cheeks and tingling in the bottom of his stomach. No. He had to get those thoughts out of his head. He couldn't do this. And of course Lee brothers. Fascinating duo. What history was behind it?

 

As soon as dawn came, he went to Taekwoon's house. He was in a good mood and he was ready to work. He knocked on the door and waited. He knocked again. After a very long moment Sanghyuk opened the door. His eyes were tired and dark. Apparently he didn't sleep all night.

 

"Not today, Hakyeon. Takewoon isn't in the best shape."

"He is ill?" he asked with concern.

"No, but..."

"SANGHYUK!" a shout came from the upstairs.

"I have to go, you're free today."

"I need money, Sanghyuk. Can I do anything?"

"Eh. Wait." he disappeared, but left the door ajar, so Hakyeon went inside. There was a strange smell throughout the house. He didn't seem pleasant to Hakyeon. After a moment Sanghyuk returned.

"What's wrong?" Hakyeon insisted. Sanghyuk was silent for a long time.

"It's nothing. He smoked too much opium... He'll be fine. But I have to stay with him."

Hakyeon shuddered. He knew what opium is. And unfortunately he knew what it could end. He shuddered again when a scream came again from above.

"Sanghyuk!"

 

* * *

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

Taekwoon didn't feel well. Too much has happened for one day. Hakyeon's beauty is one thing, but Wonshik's sudden visit distracted him. Yes, they have been friends for years, but sometimes he hated him so much.

 

And Lee brothers. Jaehwan was a curse. He hates him all the time. He tried to focus on painting, but it was a disaster. And Hakyeon wanted to see it. But it wasn't worth watching. And Hakyeon was too good. Too dreamlike. When he left, Taekwoon stared at the canvas.

 

"Leave it for now." Sanghyuk asked.

"No. I need to correct this before Hakyeon comes tomorrow. The background is bad. The colors!"

"Taekwoon, calm down. It's the first layer, you need to rest."

"No. I can't rest. I only have a few days..."

"I will bring you food."

 

Taekwoon didn't care about food. He had to calm his thoughts. He went to the bedroom and took out the casket in which he had opium. He sat on an armchair, where previously Hakyeon posed and soon drowned in streaks of thick smoke. He sat carelessly, his head tilted back.

 

His eyes were closed. When Sanghyuk came in, he didn't move.

"Are you smoking again? You should stop."

"Don't start.."

"I care about you."

"Go home, Sanghyuk." he said in a low tone without emotion and inhaled again. His body felt light. He felt good.

 

Taekwoon heard Sanghyuk open the window. Cool, evening air burst in. It was enough. He should stop. But he thought of Hakyeon's delicate features, his slender body. That hurts. His beauty hurting him. He sat quickly. He took paper and coal.

 

He began to draw. Fast, intense. His hands were soon black from coal. Smoke filled the room. His body became alien to him. He didn't move for a moment, he just watched and dreamed. About the sun reflecting off the golden skin. He wanted to capture it. Preserve.

"Sanghyuk!"

"Taekwoon, it's late at night. Go to sleep, please..."

"I need paint. Prepare one for me!"

"It's the middle of the night."

"No, no... it's still early. Quick as I remember the shade. I have to..." he stopped and he was quiet. He saw Hakyeon's lips. "Pink. I need pink."

 

He forced Sanghyuk to prepare paint for him. He lost the sense of time, sitting in streaks of smoke, surrounded by unfinished drawings and paintings. Several versions of Hakyeon's face looked at him. None was perfect. He felt sick. The smell of opium and paint drugged him.

 

"Hakyeon." he was mumbling again and again. "Gold, I need gold, and blue, and pink, how? How?"

 

He was lying down, the whole room was spinning, but he could only think of one thing. He looked at the windows as the light changed. Everything was golden and blue and a little pink.

 

Sanghyuk was still here. Taekwoon called him over and over again, because he wanted something, but he didn't know what. He was weak, he was sick. He vomited.

"SANGHYUK!" he cried.

He did'not want to be alone. But consciousness returned and he did'not like how he felt. Too real.

 

It was quiet. He stayed in bed because he couldn't move. Sanghyuk tried to feed him, but he couldn't swallow anything. It was evening when he was able to get up and ate the soup. He felt anxious that he had wasted all day. He went to the studio. The painting still looked pitiful.

 

He apologized to Sanghyuk. He felt guilty. He shouldn't have behaved like that, but he didn't control it. He promised to quit opium. Sanghyuk was angry and didn't say much. Other than one.

"I've heard it too many times to believe you, I'm going home." Taekwoon was left alone.

 

Hakyeon came soon after. He stared at him, but Taekwoon didn't speak. He painted in complete silence and concentration. They ate a meal together and returned to work until the sun set.

"Taekwoon? Is everything alright?" Hakyeon asked.

"No." he answered.

"Is it my fault?"

"Yes and no."

"What did I do wrong? If I can, I will try to fix it."

"With this you can do nothing, don't worry." he sighed.

"What is going on then?"

"Your money." he gave it to him.

"Takewoon." he insisted.

"You are too beautiful." Hakyeon blushed. "Go, rest, there's still a lot of work to do." Taekwoon said quietly and turned his back to him. He couldn't look at him anymore.

"Mh." Hakyeon muttered, and after a moment the door closed quietly. Taekwoon felt a terrifying emptiness. He wanted to stop him, but he didn't move.

 

///

 

"Where is Sanghyuk? I haven't seen him for two days."

"He was here when I felt bad. I want him to rest. And I'm doing well." Hakyeon helped him today with the mixing of dyes. Taekwoon watched with what care he took to indigo to get the blue.

"Fine, but try harder." he grabbed his hands with which he held the mortar and pressed it. Hakyeon straightened his back and leaned against his chest. Taekwoon felt his warmth. His hair smelled like wind. Takewoon nodded. "Now better."

"Allright." Hakyeon whispered. Takewoon returned to his place to deal with vermilion. Hakyeon's presence calmed him, but at the same time he aroused lust in him. He was his muse, inspiration. He wanted him here forever. He wanted to touch his golden skin and kiss him all day.

"How many days we have?" he asked, breaking the heavy, tense silence.

"Less than a week."

"We will be ready?"

"We must. I have to change this and that. I'm not happy about it."

"Why?"

"Because I have to change your image and I don't want to do it. I hate this thought."

Hakyeon looked at him.

"It's just a painting."

"No, it's more than that, you won't understand." he muttered and it was end of conversation.

 

The painting took on shapes from day to day. Colors, shadows, details of the face, hair, details of the material.

Taekwoon changed little but he felt as if the painting wasn't his. He let Hakyeon look but he stood and looked in a different direction.

 

"It's amazing, I look like a woman!" Hakyeon sounded impressed.

"Mh."

"You're really amazing, Taekwoon."

"No I'm not."

"Why are you like this?"

He turned to Hakyeon and looked at him briefly. Then he came over and covered the painting.

"I don't like women." he said quickly. "The painting would be better if I just painted you. Now go, Hakyeon, it's late. Rest."

"Taekwoon..." he whispered.

"Please... go." he closed eyes.

 

It was one bad day. Sanghyuk went earlier because his mother got sick. Hakyeon helped, but Taekwoon couldn't look at the painting. When Hakyeon left, Taekwoon smoked opium again and felt a rage. He grabbed the painting and threw it across the room, and then fell on the bed.

 

Hakyeon appeard suddenly.

"What have you done?!"

"It's terrible. I hate it." he spoke barely conscious.

"Taekwoon! Stand up!" he felt his hand on his shoulder. "You have to fix it. Stand up!" he began to move away.

"No." he muttered and grabbed his hand, pulling him on yourself.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the darkness, he could barely see his face.
> 
> "No, stay, I just can't stand it anymore."  
> "What? I hurted you?"  
> "No. Have mercy, that's not it. I just don't understand what I feel..."

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

Taekwoon behaved strangely all day. When they were alone, nothing changed. He was quieter and more moody than usual. He also seemed very tired. Hakyeon was worried. Even if it was normal, he couldn't sit with folded arms. For some reason, time spent with him was valuable to Hakyeon. He saw the world through his eyes and he liked this world. Full of colors, the process of their creation. He had no idea about it before. He loved it even though he belonged to this world so briefly.

He also noticed that when they were alone, Taekwoon treated him differently. He didn't spare himself of being close, touching him more often than it was necessary. Especially his hair. It was as if he treated it as an excuse to touch his face. Hakyeon didn't mind.

Sanghyuk gave him the key so he could close the door when he leaves. But Hakyeon didn't go to the inn. He felt too much anxiety this evening. He was afraid that Taekwoon would do something stupid. He still had Sanghyuk's tired face in front of his eyes. Then Taekwoon wasn't alone. And what if he overdoses the opium this night and they will find him dead in the morning? Hakyeon couldn't stand this thought. He began to shake in incomprehensible fear and ran towards the artist's house. He won't leave him alone that night.

As soon as he came in, he smelled smoke. So Hakyeon was right. Upstairs he saw Taekwoon lying on the bed, and beside him lay a smashed painting. Their painitng. This view hurt Hakyeon. He tried to find out why he did it, but he was too bemused. He tried to make him stand up.

Taekwoon grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him. Before Hakyeon could do anything, he was lying on him. His heart beat like crazy.

 

"Takewoon, what are you doing?"

"I hate this painting, you know why?"

"No!"

"Well, I couldn't show you as you really are."

"Taekwoon, it doesn't matter, it was ordered painting. You were supposed to get big money for it. You have to fix it!"

"It doesn't matter anymore." his voice was weak.

"Why?"

"Because there is not enough time. I should give this in three days."

"In that case, you will paint day and night. Why do you destroy your own dreams?!"

"What can you know about them?"

"You want to be famous, you want to give people your art. Why do you give up?"

"You are so beautiful." he whispered. "How are you even real?"

"Please, stop."

"No."

"Stop it. Let me go. Now!" he felt his face turn red.

"I'm not holding you for a long time, Hakyeon." he whispered and stared at him from under his slightly closed eyelids. Hakyeon shuddered, his heart speeded up and he wanted to get up. "Too late." Taekwoon muttered and put his arms around his waist, turn around with him on the mattress.

Hakyeon lay under him. He felt his weight on him. His hands fell on both sides of his head without strenght to resist. He froze. He couldn't move. He felt his cheeks flush more.

"You deserve to be showed as you are. I love your skin. Show it to me, please. I want to see you..." he pleaded. There were tears in his eyes. Hakyeon pulled off his sweater and shirt before he could think about it. Taekwoon sighed and watched and Hakyeon couldn't move anymore.

He lay, waiting. Finally Taekwoon lay on his bare chest and sighed again. He moved his hand over his shoulder and ribs. He did circles. His long fingers, drawing lines on his skin. And Hakyeon still couldn't move. His whole body was so thirsty for Taekewoon's touch. He had chills. He was breathing fast, his heart beating quickly and painfully. He closed his eyes as Taekwoon's warm breath and lips touched him. He wasn't sure what would happen, but he already understood that everything he knew about carnality was a lie.

Now he was discovering the truth. He didn't care that they were strangers, he didn't care that it was all wrong. He wanted to stay here forever. With Taekwoon. He embraced him. He put his fingers into his red hair and buried his face in them. They were surprisingly soft, smelled of oil paints, wood... He was steeped in the smell of his studio. He wanted his luck, he wanted to fix the painting so that Taekwoon could finally live for his dreams.

 

"You are special, please, don't give up." Hakyeon whispered.

"I'm tired. I'm going to die in poverty and nobody will even know me. What's the point?"

"And what about Sanghyuk? He loves you, he cares for you. And Wonshik. And me."

"You?"

"Yes. I care about you."

"You don't know me, Hakyeon. I told you. I'm not nice." he looked at him. Hakyeok cup his face.

"You are so precious..." he whispered.

 

Taekwoon didn't take his eyes off him. He was still so close, though his eyes were still hazy. He was still under the influence of a drug. Hakyeon looked at his small pink lips. He really wanted to kiss him. He never felt such a strong need to do it. But then Taekwoon sighed and laid his head again, hiding his face in Hakyeon's neck. He could feel his breath on his skin. Moments later he fell asleep. Hakyeon was relieved. If it lasted longer, he could do things he would regret. He blew a candle standing nearby and closed his eyes.

Hakyeon didn't fall asleep all night. He was awake and react to every, even the smallest movement of Taekwoon. It was only early in the morning that he was able to free himself. Taekwoon turned away,

freeing Hakyeon from his grip.

 

He went to Sanghyuk because only he could help him. He saw that the boy was angry and sad at the same time, but he did'not say a word.

"Let's go see what's left of it."

When they arrived, Taekwoon didn't sleep. He sat on the bed. Eyes full of tears.

"I thought you were gone." he turned to Hakyeon.

"I won't leave you. I went to get some help. We need to repair the painting."

"What for? I destroyed it."

"It's not so bad." they heard Sanghyuk's voice coming from the studio. "It's just a cracked frame and a torn canvas. It can be fixed."

"Perfect!" Hakyeon called. "In that case, let's do it. We only have three days."

"I'll go to the market. We need a new frame. I know a good frame maker." Sanghyuk left.

"See, everything will be fine!" Hakyeon assured and turned away. He held his breath, because Taekwoon was right beside him.

"Thank you." he whispered and cup Hakyeon's face, kissing his lips gently and long.

 

His heart stopped for a moment. He opened his eyes wide, but in the next moment he closed them slowly, giving himself to that moment. He parted delicate his lips and Taekwoon took the opportunity. For a moment Hakyeon felt his tongue and shuddered. He felt his stomach twist. He didn't know what to do with his hands, so he simply leaned on Taekwoon's chest. He had to climb a bit on his toes. Taekwoon was so tall and slim. His hands tightened on his back. Hakyeon was sure he felt how hard his heart was beating.

 

He finally moved away. Slowly, without hurry. He touched his lips once more before they looked at each other again.

 

"W-what's that for?"

"For being here."

"You kiss everyone as a thank you?"

"No. Only you."

"Oh." he felt a shudder again as Taekwoon's hands slipped off his hips.

 

He was still so close, and Hakyeon was ready to do things that he had been thinking about these few nights. The door opened suddenly. Hakyeon jumped away from Taekwoon like from fire.

"Oh, I'm bothering you?" Sanghyuk looked surprised, and Hakyeon was angry again for some reason.

"No." Taekwoon sounded very calm, as if nothing extraordinary happened. Like when he touched Hakyeon's lips for the first time.

"Well, I spoke to the frame-maker and he'll help us." Sanghyuk smiled broadly.

"For how much?"

"Taekwoon, it doesn't matter now."

"It does matter, I don't have much money."

"We need to look at the painting." Hakyeon mentioned and, wanting to shake off the kiss, went to the painting, which lay safely on the floor. At the bottom, the canvas was torn, where the frame broke. And the paint was smudged around the chest and face. "We will cut the canvas," Hakyeon said. "The size will change a bit, but it's nothing. Taekwoon, you have to correct this fragment. Don't make faces, you are unbearable, really! Dress up, we are going."

Taekwoon blinked.

"Where?" he asked.

"You will see. Sanghyuk, will you deal with it by yourself?"

"Yes, yes."

"Okay. You" he pointed at Taekwoon. "I'm waiting for you outside." he added firmly and went downstairs. He won't let him give up. Not when Hakyeon could do someting.

 

* * *

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

He wasn't sure how he deserved for such a being as Hakyeon. He was too good for him, too caring. Taekwoon was selfish. He kissed him because he needed it. He didn't care what Hakyeon would think. But when he parted his lips, he didn't intend to hold back. And he would do it again.

"Be nice to him." Sanghyuk said when Taekwoon dressed his coat. He looked at the boy questioningly. "He cares about you more than you think."

"He shouldn't. I'm not nice and he knows it."

"You are a good man, that's enough."

 

Why did they love him so much when he tried to push everyone away? Maybe it would be easier to die than keep trying. He should make them aware that trying to repair the painting will not do anything. But Hakyeon was so excited when he came down to him. He couldn't resist.

 

"Where are we going?" he asked again.

"To the gallery."

"For what?"

"Because I want you to see something."

"I was there more than once, Hakyeon. What do you want?"

"Are you sure you saw everything what you should?"

 

Taekwoon frowned. He didn't understand what he meant. However, he followed him in his silence.

The gallery wasn't far away. People constantly went in and out. Several pay attention to them, but Hakyeon continued quickly. Taekwoon slowed his pace. He didn't like the gallery.

He didn't want to see those nightmarish images that were admired. He was sure that he is better. Hakyeon noticed he was left behind, so he came back for him and grabbed his hand. He had warm and delicate fingers. He put his around them.

He did'nt have the strength to fight with him. He was sure that he would agree to almost everything Hakyeon had told him to do. They stopped in front of several paintings. Taekwoon was already feeling angry from looking at them.

 

"What you see?" Hakyeon asked.

"Amatorish, bad line, badly chosen colors, this picture is chaos, it has no soul."

"Hmm, is it upsetting you to look at it?"

"Yes, of course. Yes!"

"Really?"

Taekwoon sighed.

"Of course! You don't see it? What's in them that I don't have? My paintings are better. Is it because I work so slowly? Or maybe it's because I'm not trying to please every idiot?"

He looked at Hakyeon with anger. He was smiling at him. Taekwoon blinked because he didn't understand what was happening at all.

"Hakyeon?"

"You have so much strength in you, Taekwoon. This gallery can be filled with your paintings. You just have to want it. I saw your sketches. They are amazing. And what about real paintings. I saw one, but I suspect that this is not all you can do. I believe that you can succeed. On one of these walls your paintings will be hanging, just please. Don't give up." Hakyeon caught his hands. They stared at each other for a moment. Taekwoon wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to have him close. And never let him go.

"It's not so simple." he whispered.

"I know, but at least try. Start with this one painting. I know you can't stand it, but it can help you." Taekwoon sighed and looked again at the daub hanging on the wall of the gallery. This place should be his. If he can't have it, he prefers to die.

"Fine." he just muttered.

"That's enough for me. We can go back. We have a lot to do." Hakyeon smiled.

 

When they returned, it turned out that Sanghyuk coped with the canvas. He attached it to the easel without a frame so Taekwoon could make corrections. Oil paints, brushes, everything was ready.

Hakyeon undressed and took his place. When Taekwoon looked at him, he felt calm and warm inside.

 

"Chest is a problem." Taekwoon said after many hours. Hakyen stood next to him, covered in cloth.

"I look like a woman, and I have an impressive... How...?"

"It's not difficult. The canvas is damaged here." he added. "I can't paint it with light color, unless..."

Taekwoon disappeared in the bedroom. He pulled mother's medallion out of the casket. He returned to Hakyeon, who was still in the studio, wrapped in cloth. He put a medallion around his neck.

"Perfectly." he touched the green stone, and his fingers brushed his skin. He noticed that Hakyeon swallowed. "It belonged to my mother. Come back to the place, please. I just need a moment."

"I can be here even all night, if you would finish it." he said and sat on the chair.

"You can stay here anyway. I don't mind." he muttered and began to paint the medallion.

 

It was very late when Taekwoon finished. He wiped brushes and cleaned everything. Hakyeon was still sitting wrapped in fabric.

 

"What did you mean?" he finally spoke. "By saying that I can stay?

"I meant you could stay, don't go back to the inn."

"But how?"

"Hakyeon, I pay you for posing, but you spend everything on food and renting a poor room. Besides, you're not there anymore." he admitted and walked over to Hakyeon, who stood up.

"But how do I stay? You don't have a room."

"Why do you need a room? We already slept in one bed." Taekwoon said. He saw that Hakyeon's face had turned red. Even in the dim light of candles, which were not many.

"It was different!" he cried.

"And now you think what will happen?" he asked and tilted his head to look at him.

"I do not know. I do not know what will happen." he squeezed the material that covered his shoulders.

Taekwoon put his hands on them, leaned over and kissed him again. He parted his lips, agreeing. Taekwoon with a gentle movement slipped off the covering from his arms, which fell to the floor with a soft rustling.

"Am I so obvious?" Hakyeon asked, trembling in his arms.

"I don't know, I don't know." he murmured.

"You don't seem to be unaware of it!"

Taekwoon chuckled. It was a strange feeling. He had not laughed for many years. He didn't think he still could do it.

Hakyeon blinked.

"Are you having fun?"

"No." he assured him in a whisper and kissed him again. Hakyeon gave up again. He became soft in his arms and devoted. "Would you like a bath?"

"Mh."

Taekwoon nodded and made preparations.

 

Hakyeon was sitting in a tub full of warm water. Taekwoon pulled off his clothes and joined him, sliding in behind his back. He hugged Hakyeon and hid face in his black hair.

 

"Who are we, Taekwoon?"

"Does it matter?"

"I'm curious..."

"Hm, are you feeling good here? With me?"

"Yes, I want to take care of you, I want you to be happy. I want... so many things for you."

"You're too good for me."

"Maybe you just don't appreciate yourself enough. I need to keep reminding you about it." Hakyeon sighed. "You are stubborn, grumpy, impetuous, you don't take care of yourself as you should."

"And you are beautiful, in every sense of the word."

Hakyeon was silent. Taekwoon touched his cheek. He was warm.

"I like it when you blush."

"You are horrible."

"I told you that I'm not nice, you are idealizing me because you are infatuated with me."

Hakyeon turned to him and looked into his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead he leaned over and kissed Taekwoon. It was a nice feeling. He wanted to study these lips, make lots of sketches.

 

"Finally, you fell silent and stopped talking about things." Hakyeon sighed. Taekwoon didn't answer, just leaned his elbow on the edge of the tub and supported his head on that hand. "If I'm staying here, we must set some... rules."

"Rules?"

"Yes, you will listen to me."

"Technically, I invited you here, so I should set the conditions. Don't you think?"

"Quiet. You want me to stay here, so you'll agree. You have to start taking care of yourself more."

"If you care about that..." he reached out and stroked his cheek. It was so smooth, soft. He pulled him close to him, closing his mouth. He talked too much. Taekwoon wasn't sure if he would stand it.

 

It was a warm night, so they didn't care about wet bodies. They lay side by side in bed, in a dark room. Taekwoon buried his face in Hakyeon's neck and wanted to fall asleep. That was enough for him. That he was here. That he had him only for himself.

But Hakyeon was restless. He was breathing faster, his heart was clearly beating loud.

 

"Are you alright?"

"Mh, yes, yes."

"It doesn't look like it. If you don't feel good about it, I can sleep somewhere else..."

"No!" Hakyeon turned to him.

In the darkness, he could barely see his face.

"No, stay, I just can't stand it anymore."

"What? I hurted you?"

"No. Have mercy, that's not it. I just don't understand what I feel. I need you close, even though you're a man. But I know I wouldn't look at another. You are one of a kind. I don't know what you did to me but I can't live without you..." Taekwoon winked slowly and sighed. He didn't know what he was talking about, but he had to say something.

"I didn't do anything to you, but I could."

He embraced him and found his lips. Hakyeon muttered, giving up at once. He reached into his back with his hand and moved it to his hips, and then between his thighs. Hakyeon sighed and tightened his whole body.

It was a nice feeling. How Hakyeon reacts to his touch. Every move seemed to be important to him. Taekwoon wanted to hear his quiet voice and breath. He was alone for so long that he was fascinated by everything that was happening now.

Muscle movement, touch of the skin, smell of the hair, breath. It was all so valuable, so desired by him. He kissed him harder, more intensely. Hakyeon's fingers tightened on his shoulder.

"Taekwoon." Hakyeon whispered.

"Mh?" he muttered questioning, kissing his cheeks, neck and collarbones. His fingers went to Taekwoon's hair.

"Don't stop."

He didn't intend to. He still gave him kisses, stroked his skin, and praised him.

It was intense and subtle at the same time. Innocent and sinful. They were hidden from the eyes of others, in the darkness of a small room. There was the smell of oil paints and wood in the air. Taekwoon put his arms around Hakyeon and kissed him incessantly. As long as it didn't start to dawn, and they finally fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

The morning was lazy, little chill. Hakyeon opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Taekwoon's face, still asleep. He looked so calm and innocent. As if he was not worried about anything. Hakyeon listened to his peaceful breath.

He raised his hand and touched his cheek. He didn't want to wake him up. He should rest, because the last days were very nervous. He felt his arm, loosely slung over his hip, and it filled him with happiness. All those kisses and his gentle touch...

Hakyeon never expected to something like that. He had never felt so good, but he knew he was greedy and wanted more. He was afraid a little, but he wanted more for sure. He kissed Taekwoon's slightly open lips and turned his back to him.

He had to change position for the sake of comfort. However, his movement woke his companion, who strengthened his grip as if he tried to stop Hakyeon from leaving. He felt his warm breath on his skin when he sighed.

 

"Did I wake you up?" Hakyeon asked quietly.

"Mh."

"Sorry."

"Wake me up like that every day."

His voice was still so sleepy, quiet and sweet. Hakyeon felt himself blush again. He pursed his lips.

"If you still want me to stay here..."

"Yes." he admitted, and Hakyeon felt a kiss on his neck. A shiver passed through him. It was nice. Another kiss and the next one. They began to move toward his shoulder until Taekwoon turned him over. He kissed his neck, cheek and finally his lips.

Hakyeon muttered and returned the kiss, embracing him by the back of his neck. He put his fingers into his hair.

 

"You're so sweet." Taekwoon muttered in his lips. "You don't need too much for..."

"Shush, kiss me." he interrupted him, hugging him firmly.

 

Taekwoon didn't need much to take the initiative. He broke away from his lips and began to move down. Hakyeon began to breathe faster as Taekwoon's lips touched his collarbones. He murmured Taekwoon's name as his tongue touched his chest.

He clenched his hands as he stopped in the area of his navel.

 

"Sanghyuk..." Hakyeon mumbled.

"What's with him?"

"He will be here soon."

"Mh." Taekwoon didn't stop. His head disappeared under the covers and Hakyeon gasped, feeling the kisses in the lower abdomen.

He was already thinking about what was going to happen. He felt a tingle in his thighs. He clenched his fingers and eyelids. He strained every muscle... And then Taekwoon returned and kissed him last time on the lips and sat down, combing his hair. Hakyeon was looking at his back when he stretched.

"Taekwoon?!" he asked in a tense voice. "Why did you stop?"

"Ah, you are so greedy. Not now. It's late already. You said that Sanghyuk will be here soon. I don't like feeling pressured on me. You'd better get up too." Taekwoon stood up.

Hakyeon sat down and stared at his back and bare ass. He lay down again.

"Not now, I need a moment." he said nervously.

"Ah." Taekwoon chuckled. The sound was new and Hakyeon was sure that Takewoon hadn't laughed at all earlier.

He would have enjoyed this extraordinary achievement if he wasn't, in fact, really angry and full of desire. He turned to the side, covering the head with a quilt. He heard Taekwoon leave the room.

"I'll make breakfast for us." Hakyeon was left alone

He heard voices coming from somewhere deep inside the house.

One certainly belonged to Sanghyuk. The second one was lower. It must have been a frame maker. The bedroom door opened.

 

"Hakyeon? Are you sleeping?"

"No."

"Come on, eat something, and Sanghyuk is here."

"I need one more moment!"

He heard a chuckle again and the door closed.

 

Hakyeon sighed. He slid his hand over his stomach until he reached between his legs. He sighed and hid his face in Taekwoon's pillow. He could smell his scent. He murmured and moved his hips.

He needed to feel relief.

 

He swore he wouldn't forgive Taekwoon. Maybe never. He will take revenge for what he did to him. He lay there a moment when he managed to recover. He washed himself with clean water and he dressed. When he joined the rest, they talked about the painting.

 

"Good morning, Hakyeon." Sanghyuk greeted him.

"Good morning." he smiled at the boy and patted him on the head.

"You look tired. You worked late, right?"

"Yes, but the painting is finished. Is it?" he looked at Taekwoon, he nodded.

"As I said, all you need to do is frame it. The cost won't be big."

"You see? You were worried unnecessarily." Sanghyuk mentioned.

"Yes, and we still have one day." Hakyeon added.

Taekwoon looked at them from under his eyebrows, as if they were suddenly his enemies. And then he just sighed.

"Thank you." he turned to the frame frame. "Will it take a long time?"

"No, no. I can start now, if the painting has already dried up." man said.

Taekwoon walked to the easel and ran his hand carefully over the canvas.

"It's still a bit wet."

"In that case, I will come back later." and he left with Taekwoon.

Sanghyuk looked at the canvas when they were alone. Hakyeon came and looked with him.

"Amazing." the boy whispered.

"Yes. I still can't believe what I see. It's like my eyes make me a fool."

"Look at the shading, how soft it goes into the light. And colors. Green, red, blue... and the depth. What do you think, Hakyeon?"

Hakyeon was silent for a moment. He took a step forward and looked at the fragment after the fragment.

"I see a lot of colors, light and shadow, life and death. I see beauty in how light breaks down and illuminates the skin. But there is also something dark here. In the shadows around. In the folds of the material. As if something intangible is there, but what can change your life." he looked in his own eyes."There is suffering and sorrow, loneliness, pain..." he fell silent and felt tears in his eyes. He turned and hid his face in his hands.

"Hakyeon? Are you okay?"

"I think... I think his soul is like that. Beautiful but wounded and very, very lonely." he straightened up and looked again at the painting. "I hope I'm wrong. I hope for that."

"He has you now." Sanghyuk said. "You are his light." he smiled.

"What?"

"You must know something. Taekwoon never painted the light in the eyes. They seem sad, empty, but they always represented him. For the first time he painted them differently."

 

Hakyeon didn't manage to understand this information properly when Taekwoon returned. Their eyes met. Hakyeon saw something in them that he wasn't aware of earlier. Taekwoon looked at him with a gentle hidden love.

 

"Are you well?" Taekwoon asked when the silence continued. Hakyeon wanted to embrace him, kiss him, assure him that he would never leave him. But he couldn't move.

"We watched your painting." Sanghyuk spoke. "It's wonderful. In our opinion!" he added quickly

"Ahh, fine. I won't argue. It's our painting, I will not hide it." he combed his hair. Hakyeon bit his lip.

"When are you going to meet this client?"

"I got the time until tomorrow at noon, in the gallery."

"Excellent!"

"Hakyeon, are you okay?" Taekwoon frowned and walked over to look at him.

"Mh." Hakyeon couldn't say anything more.

"You are so pale."

He stared intently at him. Hakyeon felt his stomach tighten.

"He admired your painting and I think he felt it very personally. Help you with something? Because I'd rather be free today..." the boy said.

"Go home, Sanghyuk." Taekwoon said. "The painting must dry out, then the frame maker can work on it. There is no need for you to sit here."

"Thank you! See you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Tomorrow is a big day, so don't stay up late." Sanghyuk added and left.

Hakyeon stood with his head down, and Taekwoon in front of him. He grabbed his chin and lifted his face up. So gentle.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing." Hakyeon mumbled.

"Don't lie."

Hakyeon sighed.

"This painting..."

"You don't like it, I'm sorry. I had to change you..."

"That's not it! It's beautiful and that's the point! It's so beautiful that..."

"What?"

"That I want to cry." he felt tears in his eyes again. Why was he suddenly so emotional? Taekwoon took his cheeks and forced him to look at him again. He didn't say anything, he just looked at him. Hakyeon never needed him so much.

 

Maybe Taekwoon saw the need in his eyes because he leaned in and kissed him. It was deep and devoted. He felt it at the bottom of his stomach. Taekwoon's hands moved to his waist and hips. With one smooth, slow motion, he pulled his shirt off.

Hakyeon tilted his head when Taekwoon kissed his neck and shoulder. He embraced his neck and touched his red hair. Taekwoon moved toward the bedroom, pushing him gently. He returned to his lips. He put him on the bed and stood straight, pulling off his own shirt.

Hakyeon sighed and as soon as Taekwoon leaned toward him, he reached his torso with both hands. He wanted to feel his skin and warmth.

 

"You are so beautiful." Hakyeon whispered.

 

A gentle smile appeared on Taekwoon's lips. And Hakyeon wanted to cry again.

There was a feeling in his heart that he was afraid to call, afraid to speak out loud, though it tried to break free from his throat. Instead, he kissed his lips and pulled him. And just like at the morning, Taekwoon's kisses went down his body.

Slowly caressed every part of his skin to the line of pants. Soon, they landed on the floor, and Hakyeon tried to catch his breath when he felt Taekwoon's touch on the abdomen and between the thighs. Taekwoon's tongue was warm. He licked him, stimulated him. He forced him to moan.

His back arched, wanting more. He clenched his fingers on the sheets, but when Taekwoon became more determined, he grabbed his hair.

 

"Yes, don't stop..." he whispered. "Yes... Taekwoon..." he whispered his name slowly and with affection.

 

His body was excited and relaxed at the same time. Taekwoon's lips moved back to his thighs. He sat down, kissing his knees and calf. He lowered his legs slowly and looked into his eyes. He moved closer to his face. And he kissed him again. Hakyeon suddenly felt nervous.

He knew what was going to happen and what he was up to.

 

"Wait, wait..." he broke off and sighed.

"Are you afraid?"

"No, just... I get a little nervous."

"Mh." Taekwoon didn't say anything more, just got up and pulled out a long pipe. He set it on fire before Hakyeon could react.

"No. No opium! Taekwoon..."

"Don't worry. Just a little, to calm your nerves."

"I don't want to." he said.

"Are you trust me?"

"Yes." he said honestly. Taekwoon didn't say anything more, just sat down next to him and took a deep breath. Holding the smoke inside his mouth, he leaned.

Hakyeon parted his lips and took a breath. Taekwoon kissed him briefly and gave him smoke again.

Soon, Hakyeon felt as his body were flowing. He closed his eyes for a moment and ran his hands over his body. He wanted to feel. Was he still here? He was like in the dream world.

The pipe disappeared, but Taekwoon appeared next to him.

"And?"

"Everything is so... soft."

"Are you calm?"

"Yes, yes and so... I need you." he raised his head and kissed him gravely. He pulled his legs up higher. Taekwoon reached for something. A small dark bottle.

"What is it?"

"Only oil..." Hakyeon wasn't interested anymore. He kissed him until he felt Taekwoon's fingers. Slipped inside smoothly.

 

He massaged him for a long time and gently, he prepared him and he gave him a lot of pleasure.

When Taekwoon pulled his pants off, Hakyeon was ready and accepted him with relief. He put his arms around him and clung to his body with a low moan. His kisses were so hot. His breath lit his skin. His touch caused shivers. His hips were so strong.

Hakyeon wanted him more. He wanted him always from now on. He felt as if his soul was finally whole when they were together. They both breathed quickly, without taking their lips away. They looked into each other's eyes. The intensity of this experience was not comparable.

Hakyeon has never experienced such deep pleasure. He never experienced such devotion and sense of belonging. A whole world could burn around them, and that wouldn't matter. It was only him. Taekwoon. And his eyes full of sparks.

He sat down and Hakyeon clung to him tightly, sitting on his thighs. Now he was moving his hips, longing for pleasure that seemed to start moving away. But it was still there. Between them, combining them together. Slowly it began to grow. In the depths of his body and soul.

 

"Hakyeon." Taekwoon whispered. "Hakyeon, Hakyeon..."

 

He sighed. He moaned. He embraced him even more. His hips pressed harder and he felt it. Filling him with warmth and pleasure. His body suddenly became weak. He was swimming again when he fell back. Taekwoon brushed his skin, until he lay down next to him. They looked into each other's eyes again and they both sighed at the same time.

There was nothing that could get them out of this trance now. They didn't move, staying in an embrace. In pure, warm silence.

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

Hakyeon was unreal to him. Perhaps he was the greatest egoist walking on earth, because he did everything just to make sure he was real. Every touch and caress was a test for his sanity.

He was his inspiration. He felt that thanks to him he could paint again, as before. Maybe he can fulfill the promise he made to his dying mother. That he would give people his art. That he would be famous and rich. And his father will never have a reason to mock him again. He will never say that he is a failure. That it's worth nothing. That his paintings have never had and will have no value. But at the same time he was afraid. He was afraid that it will be a failure. And Hakyeon... Oh, his beautiful Hakyeon.

When they were close, his heart ached. Stinging deep inside, as if something was about to tear him away from the inside. He wanted him closer, he wanted him more. Hakyeon was his air and sun. Taekwoon was sure that without him he would even be ready to die.

But he couldn't tell him that. They couldn't be together. Hakyeon mentioned that he would soon have to leave and Taekwoon remembered it perfectly well. But this one time, when he had him close... he will remember it for the rest of his life. Even if he dies poor and unknown.

 

He will remember that in his life happiness came. He looked at him for a long time. On his blushed, round cheeks. There were tears in his eyes.

"You feel bad?" he asked, worried.

"No." Hakyeon suddenly sobbed. "I just never felt that way."

"It is good or bad?"

"Well, it's good. So good... I'm sorry, I'm a mess." he covered his face with his hands.

"No, do not hide."

"I'm a bad lover..."

"You are a wonderful lover." Takewoon whispered. Hakyeon glanced at him.

"I want to kiss you."

"Do it then."

So Hakyeon kissed him. It was sweet and tender. Then he sighed and hid his face in his neck. Taekwoon embraced him tightly. He wanted to hide him from the whole world. He was so delicate. Innocent. Clear. Small.

"Do you really have to leave?"

Hakyeon stiffened.

"Yes."

"Can you stay?"

"No. I can't..." he stepped back and stared the other way.

"Are you on the run?"

Silence lasted for a long moment. Taekwoon understood everything.

"My family... They can't find me. And I know they'll be here someday."

"Mh. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Please, no. Not today. Not when I still feel happy..."

"All right. I could do so much for you..."

"Taekwoon?" Hakyeon looked at him.

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?"

There was silence. Taekwoon didn't know how to answer.

His heart suddenly started beating so fast.

"What do you mean?"

"Ah, nothing. That was a stupid question! Don't mind me."

"Don't apologize. I thought everything was clear, Hakyeon. You are my muse, inspiration." Taekwoon muttered.

That meant so much to him than he could express.

Hakyeon had a strange expression on his face. Was not that what he expected?

"Do you want to paint, be famous... right?"

"Yes, it's important to me... Art is important to me."

"So you can paint me while I'm here, while you need me." he smiled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

Taekwoon felt a pain in his chest. He turned on his back, looked at the ceiling, and finally sat down and began to dress.

"Mh."

Apparently, Hakyeon didn't expect it. Taekwoon didn't understand what else he could say. How could he say that? There was something more than that?

 

Frame maker came soon after. He started work. Hakyeon and Taekwoon didn't talk. Between them hung a strange veil of feelings that they couldn't name. Taekwoon felt he was losing him. Like everyone. And when he loses him, everything will go with him. But for now he will pretend that he still wants to live.

"I have to go to the inn." Hakyeon said.

"Mh."

"Take my belongings. Unless you've changed your mind and you prefer me not to stay it here?" he glanced at him. Looking at him and thinking that he would soon disappear, it hurt. But even if it hurt, he wanted that pain.

"Stay."

Hakyeon nodded.

"In that case, I'll be back soon." he smiled and walked over. He kissed him. Taekwoon closed his eyes and touched his face. He wanted to remember every detail. Hakyeon, however, moved away quickly.

"I will be back soon." he repeated, turned and left.

 

Frame maker finished quickly, but Hakyeon wasn't return yet. Taekwoon didn't believe in anything anymore. He was happy for a moment, but it was too much. He pulled out his pipe and smoked opium until his mind was empty. He fell back on his bed, though his body seemed to fall forever. He wanted to forget about how to be happy. He wanted to feel the emptiness again, because it was a feeling he knew well enough. What did he do wrong? Why their closeness felt apart so suddenly?

He couldn't breathe. He felt sick again. He could even die.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No..." he whispered and ran. He ran until he lost his breath and stopped before the burning house.

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

He made a mistake that he asked. He thought that Taekwoon felt something for him... But he wanted to paint, be famous. He need Hakyeon to pose. The pain he felt could be compared to the torn wound. He throbbed. So much.

Why? Why did it hurt something that didn't exist? Yes, they were together and Hakyeon was fine, but how could he think it was love? Maybe he was just stupid and naive. Taekwoon's eyes were so surprised when he asked. What came to his mind?

The fact that their bodies seemed to fit so perfectly didn't mean anything at all. Hakyeon has always been weak, emotional. Naive. Taekwoon was an artist, he smoked opium and didn't love Hakyeon. He loved his art.

 

He went into the inn and into his room. And when he was alone in silence, out of sight... he began to cry. He felt his soul ripping to pieces again. How could this have happened? Why did he suffer so much again? Even if he loved Taekwon with his whole self, it had no future. In the end he will have to disappear. Or maybe he should do it now?

He held his hands on the bag of clothes and considered it through the moment. Maybe he should disappear right now. Leave everything. He was already dead inside. But when he was on the street, he understood.

He couldn't leave. Even if his heart was bleeding and the pain was unbearable he would stay. Because he wanted to see him again. One more time. Stay with him a bit longer. Even if it didn't mean anything to Taekwoon. Light in his eyes, what he took as an expression of love, it was just his naivety and faith that someone would love him. His body was still sore, but he didn't care. It was nothing compared to what he felt in his heart. He was stupid. They always told him that.

 

_Stupid. Stupid little boy._

 

He wiped his face when he returned to Taekwoon's house. He felt a familiar smell of smoke and ran up the stairs. Taekwoon lay unconscious on the bed. His face was as pale as if he was dead. Hakyeon almost froze.

However, he dropped the bag and he was next to him in a blink of the eye. He was alive. He was breathing. But he was in such a state that he fell asleep. Hakyeon sighed and opened all the windows. He didn't know what to do. He just sat and held his face in his hands.

What will be between them now? How should he behave?

 

Hakyeon fell asleep in a chair. He woke up in the late morning. His whole body and head ached. He wiped his face. He felt tired. He was tired of how quickly he believed in something that never existed. He looked at Taekwoon. He was still sleeping. His face was still pale, but he was breathing. Hakyeon lay next to him and listened to his heartbeat. How could he have loved someone so much in such a short time? He could barely breathe when he thought about it.

 

"Taekwoon?" he asked in a hoarse voice, but Taekwoon just murmured and turned to the other side.

 

When Sanghyuk arrived, he was furious. However, he didn't say anything at all. He simply prepared the painting, wrapping it in a piece of cloth.

 

"Do you want to take it?" Hakyeon asked.

"I have no choice. He can't get up from bed. He will be unconscious for hours."

"I'll go." Hakyeon said faster than he could think about it.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Stay with him. At least that's all I can do for him..." he managed to smile. In fact, he couldn't take this view anymore.

"Eh, okay, I'll give you some tips then..."

 

Hakyeon walked through the town, carrying a painting under his arm. It was more heavy than he thought it will be. But maybe it was like that because he was so tired and just sad. It was like something was closed inside of him. It was as if the road to happiness was no longer within his reach.

 

When he entered the gallery, he remembered Sanghyuk's words:

"You must go to the very end. There are black door... You'll know it for sure. Knock three times. A young girl will open them. You have to say why you came, don't tell who you are because it doesn't matter to them... I'm sure you'll meet him."

"The client? What does he look like? What is it called?"

"His name is Nguyễn. But his looks doesn't matter because he changes the look very often. He is very... specific. Don't ask questions, just tell him why you are there and wait."

 

Nguyễn was a character that Hakyeon couldn't miss.

He sat in a room full of paintings and other works of art. His face was decorated with long, gray hair. Their silvery color attracted the eye. He clearly didn't come from here, and yet he was a very beautiful man. He looked like one of the works of art.

 

"I have Jung Taekwoon's painting." Hakyeon said.

"I was curious about his art." man nodded. His voice was sweet and soft. Hakyeon removed the material, showing the canvas. He hoped the man wouldn't recognize him.

Although according to Sanghyuk, it was difficult to find similarity there. Nguyễn stared at the painting for a long time. Emotions were not visible on his face. He was like a stone. Finally he looked at Hakyeon. He got scared.

He didn't like the painting? He'll throw him out of here?

"Leave it here. I want three more. With the same person. Let him surprise me. Month. I'll wait a month." he waved his hand. Hakyeon swallowed and he wanted to ask about payment, but the same woman appeared who let him in.

She took the painting from him and gave him a pouch full of gold coins. He hasn't seen that big amount of money for a long time. But Taekwoon got another chance. So Hakyeon too.

Another month. He will be able to stay with him for a month and love him secretly, trying to ignore the pain.

"One more thing." Nguyễn said, Hakyeon was looking at his back. "Let him come in person next time."

 

Hakyeon returned. Taekwoon didn't sleep anymore, but he sat on a bed with a bowl of soup in his hand. So he was eating. Good.

 

"Hakyeon! And? What did Nguyễn said?" Sanghyuk asked nervously.

"He paid." he put the pouch on the table.

"Oh, it's really a lot! Taekwoon, you have to get yourself together."

Taekwoon didn't even look at them. Hakyeon decided that he would play his role as best he could.

"He liked it, I think so. He want the next one."

"He want another one?!"

"Yes, Three more. He gave us a month." Hakyeon glanced at Taekwoon. He froze.

"Did you hear that? Put away the opium and get to work!" Sanghyuk said with excitement.

"You need new brushes, dyes, canvas..." Hakyeon saaid, but Taekwoon still didn't say anything. Hakyeon sighed and looked at Sanghyuk. "Will you leave us for a moment?"

"Did something happen yesterday?"

 _Yes,_ Hakyeon thought. "No." he said at loud.

"Hm, in that case I'll go. I need to do something anyway. I'll be back later." he promised and left. Hakyeon looked at Taekwoon. He wanted to feel different right now. He sat down next to him.

"You feel sick?" he asked, but Taekwoon shook his head. "What is it then?"

"Nothing, nothing... It's just too much opium, I must admit."

"Well, you have to end this... Can you paint three paintings in a month?"

"Does this mean that you stay here for a month to pose?"

"I must. He wants a paintings with the same person."

"In that case, I can do it."

Hakyeon didn't understand anything. Maybe they should talk, but what about? Silence lasted.

"He wants you to come next time and he said that you have to surprise him with new ideas. Whatever that means..."

"I have some ideas, don't worry."

"Taekwoon..." Hakyeon started.

"Yes?" he looked at him with a strange expression of his eyes. And Hakyeon lost his courage.

"Nothing. Please, take care of yourself more." he got up and left him alone in the bedroom. He stood in the window and tried to sort everything out. Perhaps he should have stayed at the inn.

Maybe he should be separated from him. Maybe it would be safer.

Suddenly he felt strong arms embracing him. He sighed.

"Taekwoon... stop it." he whispered, but his body relaxed against his will.

"I can't. I need you. Please, don't be mad at me, if I said something wrong... you are important to me, remember."

"Yes, I know, your paintings..."

"What about them?"

"Someone needs to pose to them."

"Not only that, I like your company, I... I'm not too effusive. I'm not nice. I told you."

"Yes, I believe you now." Hakyeon pursed his lips. It still hurt. But if Taekwoon was like that, Hakyeon would use it as long as he could. He turned away and kissed him greedily.

 

Taekwoon sighed and put his arms around his waist. Hakyeon pushed him toward the bedroom, pulling off his shirt quickly. Taekwoon was tender and gentle, as before, Hakyeon knew that he would never hurt him physically. But it wasn't the same.

Despite the closeness and pleasure, everything seemed so alien. The body was satisfied, but the soul trembled with longing. All he has left to do is kiss him and feel him as close as possible.

 

"You have an idea?" Hakyeon asked. He held his head on Taekwoon's shoulder.

"Not quite. But I'll certainly come up with something, The most important thing is that you are here."

"Hm... probably yes." Hakyeon wanted to add something, but he fell silent when Taekwoon began kissing his neck. His stomach tightened. "Are you okay, Taekwoon"

"It could be better. Why are you asking?"

"You looked really depressed." Hakyeon looked at him. Their eyes met. Their expression was still the same when he looked at him. That silent love. How is this possible?

"I'm not a happiness man, Hakyeon, you must know."

"Maybe change something?" he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What?"

"Hm, I don't know. Maybe the color of your hair? Red is already fading."

"Ah. I did it in a rage of anger... I don't like it anymore." he sounded like a little boy who isn't happy with the toy he received.

Hakyeon laughed and surprised him with a sense of amusement. It was a relief. He didn't know how long it would take.

"We can find some powder..."

"No. I'm an artist. I have enough dyes to make it more permanent. As I did with the color red. Walnut lupins, oak galls... I have what I need."

"Let's try."

"Mh, later." he said quietly and kissed him again. This time, however, Takewoon was more lustful, but only because Hakyeon forced him to do so.

His body moved instinctive, he wanted his touch and closeness. He wasn't worried about his heart because it was already in shreds. He focused on his greed instead. This greed was the only thing that led him to life.

 

Sanghyuk came running flushed. His eyes were shining and he was smiling broadly.

"What's wrong?" Hakyeon asked, who stood and posed for a sketch. Taekwoon looked at the boy with a raised eyebrow.

"I was around the gallery. A lot is happening there."

"What do you mean?" Taekwoon put away the coal.

"Nguyễn is changing the exhibition! Well, he's the owner, he can do whatever he wants, but..."

"What?" Hakyeon began to worry.

"He pulls all Lee Min Ki's paintings from the wall." Hakyeon jumped when he heard a bang. Taekwoon stood up so quickly that the chair fell to the floor.

"Are you sure?" his voice was full of tension.

"Yes, Taekwoon, this place will be for you now."

He didn't say anything, just ran out of home.

"What's happening? What upset him so much?" Hakyeon asked and headed for the exit.

"Lee Min Ki is a well-known artist and his paintings have been hanging in the gallery for years."

"And this is so unusual?"

"Yeah, because it's Taekwoon's biggest rival. They studied together, they even were friends for a short time. But when the competition was announced in the gallery, Taekwoon lost with Lee just because he didn't manage to finish the painting on time. And for him it was nothing, he wanted to congratulate Lee, but he rejected his friendship."

"Ah, so the popularity consumed his common sense."

 

They caught up with Taekwoon halfway. His face was full of tension. There were a lot of people on a place, but it didn't stop Taekwoon, who went inside. In one of the rooms, all the paintings were removed from the wall. Taekwoon stoped suddenly. Hakyeon almost fell on his back. It was the truth. A tall man stood in the middle of the room. When he turned around, his face was full of anger. Dark eyes. No emotion.

 

He came closer.

"Jung Taekwoon."

"Lee ..."

"Don't say anything. I knew that one day you would start to interfere."

"It wasn't my decision. You know that if Nguyễn makes a decision and nobody can't change it. He rules the artists world in this city."

"Bullshit." he hissed.

His face became even more tense.

"Lee..."

"You will pay me for this Taekwoon, be aware of that." he added and passed him, nudging him with his shoulder. He even sent a sinister look to Hakyeon. It worried him what had happened. It worried him how this story could end.

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

He knew that in his life there is no place for happiness or prosperity. The fact that his painting was well-paid is one thing. But the exhibition in the gallery meant trouble. Lee has been a favorite for years, although his paintings haven't shown anything new for a long time. Taekwoon took his words seriously. He was most afraid that he would hurt Hakyeon. Lee was rich, he gained a lot, and now he lost everything at one time and he knew that Lee would never forget him.

 

"I need to see Nguyễn." he said quietly.

"For what?" Sanghyuk asked.

"He must end this. My paintings can't hang in the gallery. Lee must come back."

"Are you crazy?" Hakyeon grabbed his arm. "That's what you want. Fame and money, that's all you can get!"

Taekwoon broke free from his grip.

"You don't understand what the consequences will be." he admitted and headed for the big black door at the very end of the gallery. He knocked three times.

Nguyễn stood in front of his painting and smoked a pipe. He was wearing only a silk robe, his hair was damp.

"You have to stop it."

"Ah, you came." Nguyễn turned and smiled lazily. He came closer and kissed Taekwoon on the cheek. "I was wondering when you would show up. You sent someone with your artwork."

"I was sick... I worked at night..."

"Oh yes." he narrowed his eyes. "What do you want me to stop?"

"Lee."

Nguyễn raised his eyebrows and laughed.

"No. No, I won't stop him. He was here because there was no other way, because I was waiting for you, Taekwoon." he embraced his cheek. "Lee is a poor substitute. He's always painting the same, he's boring. I want your dark aura, your paintings are full of it."

"You know who he has become. He is dangerous. You must keep him for the good of all."

Nguyễn stopped smiling, and a grimace of anger appeared on his face.

"Don't tell me what to do. I don't want him here. I want _you_ and your paintings will decorate these walls. I want this!" he pointed at canvas. "That's the depth, a secret. Who is she? What's her story? You arouse curiosity. I want to meet this girl who posed for you... I want to touch her... but at the same time I forbid you to bring her." he sighed. "You know this world well, Taekwoon, ups and downs. I've been waiting for you for years. After that competition you didn't work at all. You didn't come to me. If it were not for that sweet boy, Sanghyuk... I wouldn't even know you were still painting. You should be grateful that you have him."

"I'm grateful for him more than you think."

"Well, now go home and create something spectacular for me. I want to look at these paintings and feel like in a different world, understand? Go beyond the scheme, Taekwoon. Don't be afraid of the colors or your visions. I've waited too long for that. Go."

 

Taekwoon had hundreds of thoughts when they returned home. He didn't tell his companions about conversation. He had to think about it carefully.

 

"What do you want here?" said Sanghyuk.

The boy who was hanging around his house just looked at them and walked away, disappearing in the shadows.

"Who it was?" Hakyeon asked.

"Hyunwoo, he's part of the Lee's group. You have to be careful. Shut the door behind you." he asked with tension in his voice. "I'm coming home, it's late."

"Goodnight." Hakyeon asked and patted him on the head. Taekwoon was silent when they entered inside.

 

Hakyeon fell asleep in his arms pretty quick and he could enjoy his warmth and scent. Why did it have to be complicated? He wanted that what was earlier between them. Was it his fault? Probably yes. But now Hakyeon will stay here. So Taekwoon had more time.

 

In the morning, he and Hakyeon tried to create a sketch. Taekwoon instructing him how to set himself. Nothing suited him until he felt frustration. He rolled the easel and paced the room like a wild animal. He was furious because he had little time for three paintings.

But Nguyễn knew him too well. He knew that Taekwoon liked to have challenges. Pressure, no. Challenges, yes.

 

"Don't worry, you'll find it." Hakyeon said. He wanted to cheer him up and it was sweet. But Taekwoon was silent because he didn't want Hakyeon to become a victim of his anger.

"Mh." he just muttered. And he came over, embraced him and kissed him. Sensitive, warm, sweet. The tension left his body. Their lips broke off with a loud sound. He liked it. That sound. And taste.

"Relax, you can handle it." Hakyeon whispered and stroked his cheeks.

"You are... Ah!" he felt it suddenly. Staring at his beautiful eyes and seeing his gentle smile and concern.

"Do you see that?" he asked interested.

"Yes, yes, I see. I see you..." he sighed and kissed him loudly several times. On the lips, cheeks, nose and eyelids.

Hakyeon laughed. Such a sweet sound.

"What should I do?"

"Just sit there" Taekwoon rubbed his own face, to regain focus. "As if you were a bit tired, one hand through the backrest, the other support your chin, yes. Perfect"

 

And he drew. He drew until the ideal sketch was created, next he moved it on canvas.

 

Hakyeon stood and watched him carefully.

"What do you think?" Taekwoon asked.

"It's certainly not something obvious... Angel. The way you drew the wings" he moved his hand over them. "I can't wait to see it in color" Taekwoon smiled weakly.

He wanted him in bed. He approached him, embraced his cheek and was about to kiss him when the knock sounded.

"I won't open" Taekwoon purred, millimeters from Hakyeon's lips.

"Hm. But you know they can have a key?" Hakyeon admitted and then Wonshik appeared in his studio.

"Wonshik, you bastard." Taekwoon hissed.

"Why? Every time! Really! I came to invite you to the inn. We want to celebrate your success." Wonshik made a sad face.

"It's not a success." Taekwoon said. "Also I'm not going anywhere. Go away. Leave us alone."

"Come on, spend some time with your friends, everyone is waiting." Wonshik didn't give up. He was so annoying sometimes.

"Who?"

"Sanghyuk. And Hongbin."

"Hongbin?" Taekwoon raised his eyebrows.

"Yes."

"Go." Hakyeon said. "You deserve it, even for a moment."

"And you?"

"I was sitting in one position all day. I want to lie down. But I'll be waiting for you here. Go, please."

 

Taekwoon didn't like it at all, but eventually he agreed. He couldn't say he was regretted, but the inn was too loud, there were too many people, Wonshik was drunk and there was no Hakyeon here. And he didn't want to waste time drinking when he could spend time with Hakyeon. They didn't have much of it. Taekwoon was constantly thinking about his golden skin and the taste of his lips.  
Their relationship had to improve. Taekwoon wanted to keep him forever. Without him, he will not be able to breathe. And it wasn't a metaphor.

 

After two hours, Taekwoon intended to come back. It was enough for him. Then, people started talking...

"Fire? What fire?" Sanghyuk asked.

They went outside. A red glow hung over the town, illuminating the night sky. And then Taekwoon understood.

"No..." he whispered and ran. He ran until he lost his breath and stopped before the burning house.

 

He watched, as the flames rise up. There was a smell of oil paint around.

_Hakyeon._

Hakyeon was inside.

And Taekwoon couldn't move...

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taekwoon had nothing to lose, now he has more than he could think. Fear is hiding deep in his heart. He can have fame and money, but he only cares about one person. Hakyeon.  
> And the old friend became an enemy. Will he take everything from him?
> 
> [[Everything slowed down. Time has ceased to count for a moment. Hakyeon saw blood, more and more blood...]]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was posted on Twitter as a Canvas part 2  
> https://twitter.com/whisper_feather/status/1026550781971849216

Taekwoon couldn't move. He stared at the flames, felt their heat on his skin and tried to wake up from this nightmare. Hakyeon. It was the only thought he had in his mind. He left him there. He shouldn't have left him there.

The fire was endless. People were crowding, and he felt everything dear to him dying. He couldn't understand how did this happen. Did he really lose everything? And did he really care for the house or things? No. Hakyeon, that was all he cared for.

Hakyeon. His smile, his laugh, his warm eyes and voice. Why couldn't he tell him that he love him when he asked? Why he had to be stubborn and speak his own language when simple words were enough. And now his heart burned along with the house.

Taekwoon didn't care anymore for anything more. His life was gone with every spark. He suddenly understood that he was ready to burn the whole world, because nothing else mattered, only this one person. He was everything he needed. And now he couldn't even breathe without pain.

He took a step forward. He pushed through people standing around. Everything fell silent. There was only a flame. If Hakyeon was inside, he would go for him. Even if he was dead, he still wanted to go there. He preferred to burn. His life had already been taken away from him.

Another step. He was already just in front of the entrance. One beam slumped and fell right next to him. He covered his face with his shoulder and looked toward the door. Hakyeon. Only he was mattered. About how he wanted to see him again. How he wanted to embrace him.This feeling was similar to frost. It started with fingers and slowly absorbed the whole body. It took breath and awareness. The feeling of losing someone you loved was like a bursting in half of your soul and heart. Taekwoon understood this now. When it was too late. That's why he will be stupid, he will be a coward and will get into the flames. His life was there and now is gone...

He took another step. He was so close. The pain was unbearable when he thought about it. His face was in front of his eyes. He won't last until sunrise. He didn't want to because the sun was gone.

 

"Taekwoon!" he heard, but he didn't react.

Every voice sounded like his voice. He took another step when he felt embrace.

 

"Taekwoon, no!" he heard and opened his eyes wide. He turned around. "What are you doing?" Hakyeon stood in front of him.

"Hakyeon..." he whispered and embraced his cheeks slowly.

"I'm here, don't go there! For God's sake... I'm here!"

"Hakyeon." he said again and felt his eyes fill with tears. Hakyeon also began to shed tears.

"You are stupid, why did you want to go there?!"

"I thought... I thought you..." he whispered and touched his forehead with his. "I can't live without you. I can't breathe without you. I can't think without you... Hakyeon...Hakyeon..." he whispered again and again.

"Ah, you stupid little thing." he wept. "I love you so much..."

Taekwoon sighed. His heart hurt so much.

"I love you." he whispered. "I love you, I love you, I love you..." he repeated again and again until the words lost their meaning and kissed him. Hakyeon tightened his fingers on his shirt and clung to him more.

 

Taekwoon could't understand what had happened, but he did't care. What counted was the fact that he was here. Hakyeon's face was dirty with soot.

"Are you okay? Are you all right?" he asked, kissing his face. Cheeks, eyelids, nose and lips.

"I'm fine. Really, I mnaged to go out."

Taekwoon sighed and stood for a moment, holding him close to him. His love. Its meaning of life. His light. He turned only once to look at the house.

"Ah..." he sighed when he understand what was destroyed by flames. But now there was no point in looking for it.

"I have it."

He turned to look at Hakyeon. Only now he notice that Hakyeon was holding his casket. It was covered with soot.

"Are you insane? Why did you take this?"

"I was awakened by the smell of smoke, when the house was in flames, I had to. It's the only thing you have after your mother."

"You could have died!"

"I... I didn't think about myself then." he lowered his eyes full of tears. "Only about you, that I have to do this for you."

"You stupid little thing." he kissed him again, stroking his cheeks. Hakyeon grimaced and then Taekwoon noticed another thing. "Your hands!" his skin was covered in wounds. From wrist to elbow.

"It's nothing... It's nothing. It just looks like that. It will heal, but there is a medallion and money..."

"Nothing is more important than you! What about the medallion and the money when I could lost you."

 

They looked into each other's eyes and suddenly they both understood. He saw it in Hakyeon's eyes. They circled around each other, focused on guesses that were wrong. They could lose everything they cared about because they couldn't be open to each other.

Taekwoon put his arms around Hakyeon, hiding him from everyone and everything.

 

"Hakyeon! Taekwoon!" they heard and looked in one direction. Sanghyuk ran to them. "Are you all right? Oh God, Hakyeon... Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." he nodded his head but he grasped Taekwoon more.

"It was him, right?" Sanghyuk asked. Taekwoon was silent for a moment.

"I don't know maybe."

"Are you okay?!" asked Hongbin who had reached them with Wonshik. Everyone watched the house burning. In the end, someone started to put out the fire.

 

But Taekwoon didn't care about the house anymore. What's most important, he had by his side.

"You can't stay here. You'll come to us." Hongbin said.

"You don't have to... We'll find a place." Taekwoon muttered.

"You're going with me." Hongbin added firmly and left to call the carriage.

 

There was silence... Wonshik still seemed drunk and did't quite understand what had happened. Sanghyuk was lost in thoughts, and Hongbin was staring out the window. Hakyeon sat next to Taekwoon, clinging to him as if he was afraid that he would disappear. He was trembling.

 

Taekwoon embraced him more firmly. Hakyeon put his face in his neck and he felt tears. He stroked his hair. They will have to talk. Hakyeon needed it more than Taekwoon. They reached the Lee brothers' estate. Everything was so bright even at night. Taekwoon never saw their house.

 

It was huge, made of white stone. Beautiful. A real villa.

They went inside. Jaehwan wasn't delighted when he saw them. His face was full of incomprehensible expression as he looked from one person to another. He stopped his eyes at Hakyeon and Taekwoon hugged him more.

 

"What does this mean? What is it supposed to be? Why did you bring them all here?!" "Someone set fire to the house, Jaehwan. Taekwoon and Hakyeon have nowhere to go." said Hongbin, closing the door. "They'll stay here."

"No way." Jaehwan snapped, smiling mockingly.

Everyone was looking at Jaehwan with incomprehension.

"We won't throw them on the street. Did you hear what I said? Someone set a house on fire."

"Ah, it was a ruin anyway."

"Hakyeon was in there. He could have died, be aware of that!"

"What does this mean to us, Hongbin?"

"You're an asshole."

"The house probably burned down because he smoked too much opium!" he pointed to Taekwoon.

"It wasn't his fault!" Hakyeon shouted. Everyone was looking at him now. "He wasn't at home."

"Ah, so the kitten has a voice." Jaehwan snorted. "I don't care."

"Jaehwan..." Hongbin started.

"No. No place for them here."

"This house belongs to me too and if necessary I will give them even half of it!"

"And what? You'll take all of them here? Like stray animals? Not nearly enough that this idiot lives here?!" he pointed to Wonshik.

"Are you angry because I have friends?" Hongbin chuckled coldly. "I wonder why you don't have them." Jaehwan made a face. He looked at them and stared at Sanghyuk. "They can't stay. I don't agree. You won't bring anyone here!"

"They have no place to live, Jaehwan!"

"I do not care about it!"

 

And then something happened that Taekwoon would never have foreseen. Sanghyuk moved towards him, embraced his face and kissed him so much that Jaehwan had to step back. At the same time, he grabbed the boy.

Wonshik sat on a chair nearby, Hakyeon was silent, and Taekwoon blinked slowly, not quite understanding what had happened.

"And if I say that I will move in here just for you... will you accept them?" Sanghyuk muttered, and Jaehwan made a wry face.

He was silent for a long time. Clearly tempted. His fingers still clung to his clothing.

"Yes." he muttered finally, giving up.

"Wonderful." Hongbin commented. "And yet in this black abyss you have a little heart. They would stay here anyway. Come with me..."

 

The room was huge. Everywhere there was warm wood and lots of windows. Carpet, curtains. Everything was more beautiful than Taekwoon could think.

 

"Taekwoon," Hongin said. "I want you to stay here and feel like at home."

"Why?" he asked.

"Do I have to have a reason?" he smiled. "The servant will bring you some clothes. We'll find something, we're of similar height. When you rest, we'll go and buy what you need."

"You don't have to do this, Hongbin."

"I don't have to, but I want to. Rest. There's a bathroom next to the door. Take a warm bath."

"Hongbin." said Hakyeon. "Thank you."

 

He nodded and left, leaving them alone.

Taekwoon and Hakyeon were silent while sitting on the couch. The maid brought them a set of clothes.

When they were alone again, Takewoon didn't know what to do. He was now sure of what unites them, but something was wrong.

 

"You need to take a bath." he said and went to the bathroom. Everything was made of white marble, and the room was bigger than Taekwoon's previous bedroom.

When the bathtub was full, he brought Hakyeon and pulled off his dirty clothes. His hands in the bright light of the lamps didn't look very good. He washed his back and rubbed his face. Hakyeon sat motionless, obediently, like a child.

"Do you want me to sit with you?" he asked.

 

Hakyeon nodded. They sat together the next moment. Hakyeon leaned against his chest, and Taekwoon wrapped his arms around him, kissing him on the top of his head. He was so valuable to him. His presence was what he wanted and needed. Everything else wasn't important.

 

They lay in bed. It was dark and quiet. Taekwoon felt that soon Hakyeon would break and soon he would hear a sob. Hakyeon clung to him and trembled, crying. Taekwoon also felt tears.

 

"I was so scared." Hakyeon whispered. "Afraid that I would die and I won't be able to tell you.."

"I know, I know." he whispered. "I'm sorry that I was so cold for you..."

"No, don't apologize. I couldn't understand what you meant but now I know... And when I saw the fire, I only regretted one thing, that I didn't tell you." he wept. Taekwoon embraced him harder.

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

He shivered in his arms. Fear almost prevented him from breathing. Although he was already safe, Taekwoon was next to him, only now he realized that he could die. That it was so close.

 

"In the beginning it was smoke. I thought it was from the outside..." he felt that he must speak. He need it. "I woke up and wanted to see where the smoke came from. The fire appeared suddenly, from the back of the house. It was so fast. It was so hot, I... I didn't know what to do. I was sitting paralyzed on the floor." he clenched his fingers. "I realized that I had to escape. But the door was locked. I just thought about you that I had to get to you and everything would be okay. I went back for a casket, I had to... Everything was hot and then I burned myself... I smashed the window... I ran away and didn't know what to do next. Everything was falling apart. It was so hot."

"It's over. I'll never leave you again. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

"No. No, I'm sure if we were both there, one of us would die. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Do something..." he covered his face with his hands.

The bandages on his hands were scratchy, but he didn't care.

"I'm here, Hakyeon. My love, my life..." he embraced his cheeks, found his lips and Hakyeon agreed with relief. It was hard to believe that Taekwoon really loved him. That he was ready to die in flames for him.

 

He kissed him with desperation and longing. Hakyeon put his fingers in his hair, tugged at it. He could barely breathe and he felt his lips begin to swell. But he couldn't stop. He wanted to feel him, so he took off the shirt Taekwoon was wearing and he touched his smooth skin.

 

"Kiss me, love me and never leave me..." he whispered without taking his lips away.

"I will always be with you..." Taekwoon replied and stroked his hair and cheek. His tender lips caressed his cheeks and neck. He took off his shirt and felt kisses on his chest

 

The image of the fire was still alive in his head, it still aroused fear in him, but the presence of his beloved slowly replaced this picture. Hakyeon sighed, feeling his lips on him. His tongue and touch. He clenched his fingers on the sheets. He felt his body tense.

 

"More..." he whispered, even though he was so tired.

"Not today, dearest, we don't have what we need." Taekwoon kissed him gently. "But I can caress you all night, if you need."

"Yes... Please. I'm begging you. I want to forget about this fire." Taekwoon kissed him harder.

 

The morning seemed so unreal to him. He lay with his eyes closed. He could smell the wood and warm sheets. The bed was so comfortable. And he suddenly remembered. Fire. Everywhere around him. The smell of burned hair and the pain of burnt skin. He jumped up, sitting down.

 

"Taekwoon? Taekwoon?!" he cried with panic because he didn't find him next to him. Taekwoon appeared in the room and was with him in a second.

"I'm here. Don't be afraid." he stroked his hair, he kissed his neck. Hakyeon held him tight, ignoring the pain of burns on his hands.

"Don't leave me."

"I just wanted to wash my face. I will never leave you."

They sat together for a long time until Hakyeon's heart calmed down.

Silence lasted.

"I'm useless, right?" Hakyeon's voice was weak.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm just crying and clinging to you. Taekwoon, can you even breathe?"

"Stop it. You have the right to feel that way. You almost died. You're still in shock. It'll pass. I'll be here all the time..." he embraced his cheeks and kissed him several times.

 

Taekwoon was so sweet, good. He was everything Hakyeon needed, and yet he felt that he didn't deserve him. That the day will come when Taekwoon will get bored and leave him. Hakyeon stroked his hands on his cheeks and closed his eyes.

"Maybe I am in shock."

"Certainly you are. Come, let's have breakfast. You'll feel better when you eat something."

 

Hakyeon didn't argue.

They left the bedroom together. Taekwoon held his hand and it encouraged him.

 

"There you are!" they heard and saw Sanghyuk. "Hakyeon, how are you?"

"I've been better, but thank you..."

Sanghyuk looked at their joined hands and smiled.

"But you're still together, this is the most important thing."

Hakyeon felt a blush.

"Yes, it's true." they moved together. "Sanghyuk? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Are you and Jaehwan... I'm sorry, I'm just worried."

Sanghyuk laughed.

"It's a long story, but yes, you can consider us as a pair. He's not so bad, really. They almost lost everything, and now Jaehwan is trying hard so that it won't happen again. Besides, he promised to look after his younger brother. Hongbin is very generous, he would give everything to everyone. Jaehwan is worried about him. Give him a chance, please. He's a good man. But he's an asshole."

"It's okay for me while it's good for you." Taekwoon muttered.

"It is. It really is. Don't worry."

"How did this happen?" asked Hakyeon. Sanghyuk laughed again.

"I'll tell you one day."

 

They entered the dining room. Hongbin sat at the table and drank tea. Wonshik wrote something on a piece of paper. Jaehwan wasn't present.

"Good morning!" Hongbin greeted them. "Sit down, eat. Hakyeon, how are you?"

"I've been better." he replied truthfully.

"I sent for a doctor, he must look at your hands. Taekwoon, I'm going to town just after breakfast. Do you want to go with me?"

"Yes, I need many things..."

"We'll buy what you need. Don't worry. I also ordered to prepare one of the rooms for your studio. Don't say anything, just accept it." Taekwoon sighed. He nodded.

"How long will you be gone?" Hakyeon asked and he felt a panic attack rising in him. He hated it.

"I don't know." he looked at him apologetically. Hakyeon looked down.

"A few hours for sure. We have to check the house and what's left of it." Hongbin said.

"Ah." sighed Taekwoon. "Yes, we certainly have to."

"Well, it's a must-do. I'll take care of it, Jaehwan doesn't want to cooperate."

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

He was worried about Hakyeon. He wasn't in good condition. He saw the fear in his eyes and didn't want to leave him. He wasn't sure he was okay if he wasn't with him.

 

"We'll be together." Sanghyuk said. "Go and get everything what you need."

"Thank you." Taekwoon said quietly.

"Yes, yes." he waved to him as they left. Taekwoon, however, returned, hugged Hakyeon's face and left a warm kiss on his lips.

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I will wait." he whispered and managed a weak smile.

 

It was a pile of black ash and stones. Hongbin was talking to the police. Taekwoon was watching the ruins. Nothing left. He didn't regret anything. Awareness that Hakyeon's body could have been lie among the ash, burnt to the bone, made him sick. he didn't want to look at it.

 

When Hongbin finished, Taekwoon joined him.

"The money will be returned. There is evidence that it was arson, don't worry. We will find him."

"It was someone from the Lee group." Hongbin didn't answer, just pursed his lips. He couldn't deny it, so he preferred to be silent.

 

They placed a large order. Taekwoon protested, but Hongbin didn't listen. And in this way Taekwoon regained his dyes, brushes, canvases and frames. A set of coals and a whole lot of other things.

"I invest in you." said Hongbin. "I'm asking you to try."

 

When they were about to come back, Taekwoon had to go to one more place. To the pharmacy. He needed an oil. He wanted to make love with Hakyeon. He wanted to assure him that everything would be fine, and only that he could show it to him. Hakyeon needed it, but Taekwoon too.

His heart still hurt. It was so close. He was sure he couldn't live. This thought didn't leave him. He didn't want to live in a world that Hakyeon wasn't.

 

"I'm happy for you." said Hongbin. "I see how much you have changed since you have Hakyeon."

"Really?"

"Of course, at last you care about something. And it shows how much he means to you. It pleases me. You deserve to be happy. I hope you see it too."

"I don't think I deserve Hakyeon... but life without him wouldn't make sense."

"Ah, I feel more satisfaction then. I remember the days when you said you only care about money and fame. That you don't need anybody in your life. That life alone suits you. And now I really enjoy it." he laughed. "You can thank me."

"For what?!"

"Well, now I can tell you, that Sanghyuk told me everything."

"He did?"

"Hm, yeah. He was my spy all the time, so I knew you didn't eat anything or you used old canvases. I told him to send Hakyeon to you, but he admitted that you need a model, so in total you must thank us both. I've been supporting your art for so long. You can't let me down."

"I didn't ask for anything. I can return everything to a penny."

"But I don't want you to give me anything, I want you to paint and succeed."

"Why?"

"Because I want to prove to my brother that I can invest as well as he does, and I believe that you can make big money if you try."

"Well, if you want to piss off Jaehwan... consider me in the team."

"Good."

 

Taekwoon had to do one more thing. He went to the gallery. He said what happened. He needed more time.

 

"I placed an order, Taekwoon." Nguyễn said. "I gave you a month for three paintings. You can paint what you like, and you still ask for more time? No."

"Nguyễn..." Taekwoon sigh, but he cut him off with a gesture of his hand.

"You like challenges. Take them."

 

When they came back with Hongbin, he thought about it a lot. He didn't worry about himself. He was afraid that Hakyeon wouldn't be able to pose. He had to rest.

 

"I'm worried about him." Taekwoon said. Hongbin looked at him closely. His silence and friendly attitude forced him to speak. "About Hakyeon, he... is not doing well. He couldn't sleep, and when he fell asleep, he had nightmares. I don't know what to do..."

"You're safe. Lee will not dare attack you in our house. And he owes something to Jaehwan. Besides, summer is coming in. On a warm day we can go to the river, rest, relax. I know one amazing place."

"All right, let's go." Taekwoon nodded.

 

Hongbin promised to organize it in a few days. There were too many things to do at now. Taekwoon had to start the sketch. He had no choice. When they returned, he saw clear relief on Hakyeon's face. He embraced him tightly.

 

"How your hands?" he asked, seeing new bandages.

"Well, the doctor said they would heal, but there would be scars." Taekwoon felt angry. It was Lee's fault. Although it's possible that it was mainly Taekwoon's fault. He embraced his cheeks and kissed him gently. For him, Hakyeon will always be the most beautiful huma being.

"Did you manage to settle everything?"

"Yes." said Taekwoon. "Hongbin is too generous. I have too much of everything, but he insisted."

"Thank me later." Hongbin interrupted. "Now go to your new studio."

Taekwoon sighed and grabbed Hakyeon's hand.

 

His new studio turned out to be a large ballroom. The south-eastern part of the house, the walls were only windows. From the ceiling to the floor. There was a couch, an armchair, a table and an easel. Beautiful, forged. Taekwoon released Hakyeon's arm inertly and stood speechless.

 

"Beautiful! So much light here! Taekwoon, this is the perfect... Taekwoon?"

"Yes. Yes." he whispered and stood in the middle of the room. He went to the easel and touched the metal. He always dreamed about that.

"Do you like it?" he heard and turned away. Hongbin stood in the doorway.

 

He was smiling. His dimples appeared on his cheeks.

"Hongbin, it's more than I deserve... It's very expensive!" showed on the easel. "I didn't spend a penny on it, I swear. Our mother used to paint. Many paintings in this house are hers, which is why I care about your success.

 

Soon, the servant brought everything they bought in the town. Hakyeon took his place without a word to recreate the angel's sketch. "Let it be released from the flames" he said. "Hakyeon..." "Please, do it." Taekwoon sighed. But at the end of the day they had more than last time.

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

He felt happy that Taekwoon could paint again. Hakyeon wanted to be useful, so he posed without complaining and was ready to sit all day. He was happy when he was able to apply the first layer of colors. He couldn't wait to see last effect.

 

Taekwoon also prepared a dye and asked him to help him with his hair. Hakyeon thought that he would miss this red color, but when he saw him in black, his heart jumped. He was more beautiful than before. He combed them many times, just to enjoy them.

It was late in the evening. They lay on their side and Hakyeon tried to fall asleep, but his eyes were wide open. Taekwoon, who lay behind him and embraced him, moved. He kissed his neck and his hand moved over his body. The sweet sound of kisses aroused lust in him.

 

Soon Hakyeon felt Takewoon's long fingers. Everything was so smooth and pleasant. He prepared him carefully and tenderly. Hakyeon felt it again, like the first time. Belonging, closeness, corporality. He forgot everything that was wrong. There was only pleasure.

 

It was slow, delightful, deep and yet intense. He sat on his thighs and felt his exact moves. They embraced and kissed. Hakyeon could feel the sweat running down his back. He clenched his fingers on Taekwoon's shoulders as he felt a stronger wave of pleasure.

 

He was sure that they were never closer than now. Perhaps this was true love? When not only the bodies, but also the souls seemed to be oneness? Their breaths were equal. They exchanged them among themselves touching with parted lips. He had chills.

He felt so good that he could hardly think. He was breathing faster, with desperation. He felt in the bottom of his stomach, everything is going towards one. Taekwoon touched him, slipping his hand between them. Hakyeon moaned loudly and knew he couldn't go any further.

 

He dug his nails into his skin when he came. But Taekwoon hasn't finished yet. He gave him a few breaths and laid him on his back slowly. He kissed him several times and began to move again. His hips were strong. He murmured softly and whispered his name. He touched him gently.

 

Hakyeon was dizzy. His thighs trembled and he tightened them more on Taekwoon's hips. He clenched his fingers on the sheets as he speed up. He couldn't resist and moaned again. His body tensed and he was ready to die for this apex of pleasure.

 

He felt Taekwoon's lips on his neck and near his ear. His warm tongue and kisses. His hips hit him hard until he came again, suppressing the cry. Taekwoon joined him and they took a moment in this embrace, trembling. "You are so beautiful." Taekwoon whispered.

Hakyeon just murmured, because he couldn't say a word. Every touch was like lightning striking his body. He was so sensitive. The slightest movement meant that he experienced everything again. He began to calm down only a few minutes later, when he lay in the arms of his beloved.

 

Their kisses were lazy and tender.

"I love you..." Taekwoon whispered. Hakyeon smiled. He felt warm in his heart.

"In that case, I have reason to live." he kissed him again. "I love you too."

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

"Could you sit still?" Taekwoon asked when Hakyeon was constantly fidgeting, smiling uncontrollably and cocking his head. He laughed because it was another request in turn. And he was still doing it.

Finally, Taekwoon walked away from the easel and approached him. He caught his chin lightly and held it, looking in his eyes.

"Do not move, please."

"I will consider your request if you kiss me." Taekwoon sighed and leaned forward, kissing him loudly several times.

"Will you let me work now?"

"Maybe."

"Hakyeon... We don't have much time."

"Ah, I know, but I can't stop myself, I'm so weak for you." Taekwoon laughed softly. Hakyeon's eyes flashed. "I love your laughter. Laugh more."

"It's still a lot for me."

Taekwoon returned to the easel, continuing his work.

 

Last nights were calmer. Maybe because they were so close together? Hakyeon slept without nightmares and thanks to it, Taekwoon could also rest. Hakyeon still had sadness in his eyes, but at least he had a better mood.

 

Every night was their time. Their moment. Taekwoon was even more afraid of losing him one day. He wanted to believe that everything would be different now. That they will stay here together. He was willing to bear Jaehwan, if only they could be together.

 

Though he dreamed of getting enough money to afford house for them. Big, full of sunshine. That Hakyeon would be happy at his side. They could go to the sea. Hakyeon looked like someone who likes it. Or maybe he never saw the sea?

 

He watched his face and moved the colors on the canvas. His new studio provided them with perfect light almost all day. He felt he had to repay Hongbin, but he didn't know how. It's possible that his art is all he could.

Another layer that had to dry before Taekwoon could work on the details. That's why they finished today. They both decided to ask Hongbin about their trip to the river. Hakyeon was so excited and very eager. Taekwoon was happy too. He felt relieved. He could take a lot, but he couldn't look at his tears and terror. He felt powerless at the time, because he could do nothing but keep him in his arms. He only hoped that his beloved really felt better, and he didn't pretend for them.

 

They left the studio. Taekwoon held Hakyeon's hand gently but surely. He was certain that Hongbin was in the living room with Wonshik. When he thought about it, the door of one of the rooms opened and Wonshik emerged, buttoning his pants, and then Hongbin.

He grabbed his arm and pulled him to his chest, kissing. Taekwoon blinked slowly. Then they saw them. Hongbin went pale.

"Do not tell my brother."

"It's not my business what you do and with whom." Taekwoon said calmly.

"Why are you smiling?" Wonshik asked Hakyeon.

"Because I'm happy. I had a feeling it would end like this and I was right." he chuckled.

"Ah, yes... ehm..." Wonshik rubbed his neck, clearly embarrassed. It didn't prevent him, however, in embracing Hongbin with his arm and holding his hand on his hip. Possessively.

"Thank you, but please don't say anything, Jaehwan is so nervous lately. The business doesn't go as he

want." Hongbin sighed. "Nothing serious, but he's nervous."

"Sanghyuk doesn't help?"

"Ah, he's helping, I'm sure... They're together... I'm still in shock."

"Then why are you afraid that he would have something against you two?" Hakyeon asked.

"Because it's Jaehwan."

Everyone smiled to each other.

"We wanted to ask, what about the trip to the river."

Hakyeon break the silence.

"Ah yes, we can go even tomorrow." Hongbin smiled.

 

The time was perfect because the painting had to dry out.

Takewoon needed a few things, so he borrowed a horse from the Lee brother's stable and went to town.

He wanted to try something different to better reflect the texture of the flames. But he needed another brush for it.

 

He also had to visit the pharmacy, because the oil will end soon. Hakyeon didn't look like such a person, but he was a man of great needs. Three passionate nights and almost the entire bottle disappeared. This time Taekwoon got bigger bottle. And opium. He needed opium.

He was ready to come back when he felt someone behind him.

 

"Lee." he said.

"It's good to see you. I know there was a fire. I'm sorry you lost everything..." he smacked, pretending to be caring. But his smile was malicious. Hate lurked in her eyes.

"I haven't lost anything." Taekwoon said, correcting the saddle.

"No? The house burned completely, you have nothing left."

"I said, I haven't lost anything. What has been burned, I have already regained it. What else if an innocent person died."

"Ah, so someone was inside?"

"He is fine."

"That's good." his voice resembled the hiss of a poisonous snake. Taekwoon had to remember not to let Hakyeon go alone to the town. Lee was ready to make a target of him. Taekwoon will do everything to make Hakyeon safe.

"What do you mean, Lee?"

"Nothing. Congratulations on your success, the whole city is waiting for your paintings. Be proud."

Taekwoon sighed.

"Lee, we were friends, you used to be different. What happened?"

"If you ask, I don't have to answer, it just confirms that I'm right."

"With what?"

"Enjoy life, Taekwoon, enjoy it while you can." Taekwoon sensed that this was a hidden threat.

It was directed to him, but the only thing he thought about was to come home quickly and see if his beloved is whole and healthy. That he is safe.

"You are angry because your paintings have been removed, but this is just a local gallery. Why don't you go to a bigger city? If you think you're so good, go higher. Lee, I never wanted your failure. I've always admired your style. How you combine colors. It was fresh, light. But you have changed so much. Your art has become

monotonous. I don't want to offend you, please don't take it like this. But if you want to be admired, there

must always be something going on. Your paintings were once so alive. Return to this. Find this spark."

Lee's face turned white and his eyes were dark. He came over and grabbed Taekwoon by the clothes.

"Don't tell me what to do. If you were a friend that you thought you were, you would know why I hate you." he let him go.

"You're stupid."

Lee raised his hand.

 

Taekwoon returned home. Hakyeon went out to greet him. He was fine. He was safe.

"What happened to your face?!" Hakyeon called when Taekwoon turned to face him, dismounting.

"I met Lee. He is not doing well. No one is safe. He can't find out about you."

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

"What did you mean by saying that he can't find out about me? He saw me already." Hakyeon asked, washing the cut lip of Taekwoon.

"He can't know that you are _mine_. He will try to take you away from me."

"I'm sure he won't. Now, don't move."

"He ordered to burn the house with you inside."

"Maybe he didn't know someone was there... And you don't know it was him."

"He knew it. And I know it was him. Hakyeon, you're too good, too pure. There are bad people in this world."

"Everyone deserves for a chance... Or kill them with kindeness."

Taekwoon jumped up and hugged him tight. He held him close.

"Taekwoon? I... I can't breathe..."

"Ah!" he let him go. "How someone like you can live in this world?" he took his cheeks and looked into his eyes. He leaned over and kissed him gently.

"I'm not as pure as you think."

"Hm, yes. I'm sure you forgot to say thank you to someone. Or you didn't greet everyone as always." Taekwoon smiled maliciously. Hakyeon frowned.

"You idealize me, really."

"I don't think so."

 

Hakyeon said nothing more, just shook his head and put Taekwoon back in his chair. Hakyeon didn't want to show it, but he was worried about Lee. It didn't look like something that could be forgotten.

Hakyeon remembered this by looking at his hands every day.

He hoped they would heal, but now he could see that the scars would be nasty. And they will never disappear. He preferred to wear these scars, but be sure that Taekwoon is safe. He saw their love, like a stone. Strong, confident. But not indestructible. And Lee was dangerous.

 

Hakyeon knew that Taekwoon had bought opium. He also knew that if the artist didn't have a job, he would start smoking. He didn't want it. To tell the truth, Hakyeon wanted Taekwoon to stop smoking completely. So he said that, since they still have time, they should work on the next sketch.

 

"Hakyeon, that's not possible."

"Why not?"

"We didn't finished the first one."

"So what? Let him dry, and we can start sketching the next one. We can't waste time. And I have an idea if you're interested"

Taekwoon sighed.

"Speak."

Hakyeon smiled, pleased that he had his attention.

"Lovers. Dark background, two figures, facing each other, one of them naked, only the back and profile, little light, except for the glow of the necklace hanging from on the back."

Taekwoon stared at him intently and for a long time. His eyes were deep and sharp. Hakyeon felt a thrill at his neck, looking at him.

"I like it. We can try." he finally said.

"Perfect! So let's start right away!"

Taekwoon shook his head, but stood up, heading for the studio.

A sketch was done and Hakyeon liked it. Taekwoon was such a good artist. He was glad that he finally had the chance to shine in this world. And even someone like Lee couldn't stop him. But he was going to ask Nguyễn for some protection.

 

The trip to the river was the main topic of conversation from the very morning. The weather promised well, the horses already had saddles, each of them also had a bag, where food and blankets were hidden. The only problem was Jaehwan.

"Why don't you want to go?" Sanghyuk asked.

"Because I don't want to."

"You don't want to spend some time with me?"

"With you, yes. Not necessarily with them..." he pointed to the others.

"Oh, don't be like that. Come with us."

"No. Unlike you, children, I have a job to do. But have fun." he got up from the table.

"Sometimes I don't understand you" Sanghyuk murmured.

"You still haven't moved in. Don't demand too much from me."

"Ah, it's not that easy. My family still doesn't know..."

"In that case, start to make them aware, otherwise I will throw away The Jung's."

"Hey!" Hakyeon murmured.

"I'm serious. Think about it." Jaehwan grabbed Sanghyuk's chin and looked at him briefly. Sanghyuk laughed, as if it didn't impress him.

"Of course." he said and stepped back, freeing himself from his grip. "Are we going?" he looked at the rest of them.

They nodded. They climbed on horses and followed Hongbin.

"You are really in love?" Hakyeon asked, as he drove past Sanghyuk.

"Madly."

"Then why is he like this?"

"It's just a facade, a mask, he's worried about everyone. The fire also worried him. But he thinks that if he shows it, everything will fall apart. He must feel that he's controlling the situation. The family's wealth is in his matter. He also love you all. He would never throw you out. He's so soft when we're alone. I regret that you can't see him."

"It's a little hard to believe, Taekwoon hates him..." Sanghyuk laughed.

"That's the kind of friends who pretend to hate each other, but they really would always defend themselves. Jaehwan... is beautiful."

"I think I just have to believe you."

 

They started galloping through the forest. Hakyeon missed horseback riding. His family had a large stud, but since he escaped, he didn't have access to it. Maybe the Lee brothers would let him ride from time to time. It would be wonderful.

 

The place was beautiful. The glade was covered with the sun.

A few trees created a shadow. The water was clear and deep enough to swim in it. Hongbin, Wonshik and Sanghyuk quickly began to fool around and splash water around. They pushed to the water and laughed.

Hakyeon watched them sitting on a blanket in the shade of a large oak tree.

 

Taekwoon came out of the water. He combed his wet, black hair back. His skin was shining in the sun before he came into the shadows. Hakyeon sighed, moved by his beauty. He knew his body well, every inch of it, but seeing him, slender, tall, bathed in sunlight made his stomach and heart twitched.

Taekoon sat down next to him.

"Are you sure you don't want to get in the water for a while? It's very warm and the water is very nice." he said.

"I'm sure. I shouldn't soak the wounds."

"Mh ..." Taekwoon muttered and looked at his hands.

"Stop."

"What?"

"Blame yourself" he sighed.

Taekwoon looked at the others. They were laughing and they were loud.

"Sanghyuk, let me go! I'm older than you! Where is your respect?" Wonshik cried when Sanghyuk was holding his waist. "Hongbin!"

"Sorry, he's too strong for me!"

Sanghyuk laughed and threw Wonshik into the water.

"Come on" Taekwoon whispered and rose, taking the blanket.

 

Hakyeon rose too, taking his hand. They walked in silence until they reached a meadow with a lonely tree. Full of fruit.

Peaches.

They sat in the shadow. It was quiet and peaceful. Taekwoon laid down and closed his eyes.

Hakyeon kissed him with a smile.

"It's a pity we don't have our oil here." he whispered.

"You really would like to make love here?"

"Isn't it romantic here?"

Taekwoon snorted.

"No. I saw an anthill not far, they spoil the atmosphere."

"Ah, Taekwoon." Hakyeon lay down next to him.

"But I can tell you that I would like to live with you." his voice was quiet. Hakyeon looked at him. "If I succeed and I will have enough money, I want to buy a house for us. Maybe somewhere by the sea. We can have a tree in the garden like this." he sat reached for the fruit.

He split the fruit and gave half to Hakyeon. Sweet juice dripped down his fingers. Hakyeon took it, but he couldn't take his eyes off him. His heart was bitting fast. "Would you like to?" he asked uncertainly, biting the peach. Hakyeon kissed him, licking the juice from his lips.

"You promise?" he asked.

"Mh."

"In that case, I will be waiting. Remember, promises from under the peach tree can't be broken." he smiled, happy, feeling warmth inside his heart.

"Of course." he admitted and kissed him harder, putting him down on the blanket.

 

It was one fine day. Hakyeon needed it to calm his thoughts. He was still here, Taekwoon was still here. Wonshik, Hongbin, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan. They were all here. Yes, the scars will stay, but he lived on. For this one day, he can wear these scars for the rest of his life.

 

They came back after some time. Hakyeon carried a whole bunch of peaches for the others. Wonshik lit a bonfire, Hongbin pulled out the food, but Sanghyuk corrected the saddle.

 

"Are you leaving us?" Hakyeon asked.

"Mh. I'm going back. I don't want Jaehwan to be alone."

"Maybe persuade him to join us. We'll be here until evening."

Sanghyuk laughed.

"Believe me, he will refuse. Besides, once I get there, he won't let me go anywhere."

"It's still hard for me to believe that Jaehwan could be so crazy about someone... and that's my brother!"

Hongbin frowned. Wonshik chuckled and combed his dark hair with a tender gesture. Hongbin rolled his eyes but said nothing. He smiled only.

"Where did you go?" Sanghyuk asked and got on his horse.

"We were walking." Taekwoon muttered.

"We found a peach tree. Here." Hakyeon threw the fruit in Sanghyuk's direction, who caught it nimbly.

"Thanks. See you tonight!" he waved and moved, disappearing among the trees, biting the fruit.

 

Wonshik played the guitar quietly. The music was very pleasant. The sun was slowly setting and the sky was orange and red. Hakyeon sat with his back against Taekwoon's chest. He felt his kisses from time to time. On the top of his head or neck. He kept thinking about the promise. He wanted it so much. A house somewhere near the sea. He always liked the sea.

Wonshik finished playing and put down his guitar, and Hongbin took the opportunity to lay his head on his lap. Wonshik kissed him lightly with a smile.

"We could stay here like this." Hakyeon whispered, closing his eyes again.

"No. Too much insects here." Wonshik murmured.

"Agreed." Taekwoon added.

"Are you really afraid of a few mosquitoes?" Hongbin laughed.

"I'm not talking about mosquitoes, but crickets, for example."

"Big, like a fist." Taekwoon said with a serious glare. They both looked at each other.

"Mh." they muttered at the same time. Hakyeon and Hongbin exchanged glances and laughed happily.

Hakyeon hoped that they would be able to be together for a long time. But he knew that nothing lasts forever.

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Taekwoon POV]]]**

 

He had his sketchbook and coal with him. He wanted to capture a few moments in case they would never happen again. He sketched the landscape of the river and trees. Wonshik with the guitar. Hongbin sitting over the book in silence. Although it turned out that he is very difficult to draw.

"Am I that ugly?" Hongbin asked.

"What are you talking about?" Wonshik was indignant.

"Well, I know that I am..."

"You are difficult to draw because you are too perfect, you have perfect proportions... I would like to try again."

 

Hongbin began to laugh nervously, but he agreed. Wonshik was pleased. Hakyeon sat thoughtfully, but with a smile. Most of his sketches represented Hakyeon. He was afraid he might lose him every day. His need to sit further away from the fire was palpable. He still was afraid.

Taekwoon, however, was ready to do anything to protect him.

 

They came back before it got dark. Hongbin led them along the road from where they could see the whole city from above. It wasn't big, but very picturesque. It was getting swelteringly. Hot and heavy air covered their skin.

Dark clouds were gathering over the horizon. It was a storm. Taekwoon couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts circled around his head.

He stood on the terrace, looking into the dark sky. He saw lightning far above the hills. There was a soft thunder.

 

"You can't sleep?" he heard.

"Yes." he turned to Jaehwan. They stood next to each.

"How is the painting going?"

"Well. I think it will soon be finished. We'll start the next one."

"Mh. Good, I'd like Lee to learn a lesson for what he did. I have a friend in the police force. It was one of Lee's boys."

"Are you sure?" Taekwoon looked at him intently.

"Yes, it's not like he was a professional, he left tracks."

"What about Lee?"

"You can't fault him. He denied everything, and the boy said it was his idea."

"Fucking bastard."

"Continue painting, Taekwoon, show him."

"Thank you, Jaehwan..."

"Ah, don't think that it's brotherly love. I still think you are an pain in the ass."

"Same for you."

"Jaehwan?" they heard a sleepy voice. Sanghyuk stood in the second entrance, rubbing his eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Ah, I'm coming." he said. He looked once more at Taekwoon and turned away, coming back inside. "Why did you leave the bed?"

"I woke up and you were gone..."

"And I'm the soft one."

"You can't just leave me like this..." they disappeared inside. Taekwoon sighed and looked up at the sky again.

 

Another thunder rumbled. He felt the cool wind on his face and went back inside. He lay down and looked at Hakyeon's face. He stroked his cheek. He moved.

"Where have you been?" he asked quietly, not opening his eyes.

"Catch a breath. Sleep, I'm not going anywhere anymore."

 

Hakyeon slipped into his arms and sank again in his sleep. So it was Lee. He was sure now. Taekwoon was also sure that he would try to do something again to hurt him.

 

////

 

The "Angel in Flames" was ready.

They stood, six of them, and watched it in silence.

 

The contours were clear, the colors vivid. The angel managed to escape the flames, but his wings were burned. Still, he could still fly. His face was a relief, a joy of freedom. The glow of the sky was in his eyes.

"Damn you, Taekwoon..."

Jaehwan left. Sanghyuk ran after him. The painting aroused emotions because it was full of contrasts. Pain, relief. Joy, sadness. Light and darkness.

"I'm so proud of you." Hakyeon whispered and grabbed his hand. Taekwoon clenched his fingers. He couldn't do it without him.

Without Hakyeon, Taekwoon could be dead.

"Let's go to the gallery together." Hongbin suggested. "I will be happy to see it on the wall. Maybe Lee will be there. I would like to see his face."

"I hope he left the city." Taekwoon muttered.

 

When they hung the painting, a crowd gathered. There was silence, but people's faces were full of emotions. Some were delighted, others left disgusted. But most of them nodded their heads, showed with their fingers, discussed the colors and the scene. Taekwoon wanted to leave.

 

Among the crowd he saw Lee's face. He was full of hatred and revenge. His eyes shifted to Hakyeon, who was talking to Hongbin on the side. Then he looked at Taekwoon again and smiled mockingly. So he knew. He will try to take everything away from him. Another storm was coming.

For now, he had to focus on paintings. But at the same time he was constantly thinking about how he could protect Hakyeon. He was so tired. He wanted to scream, but nothing could get through his throat. Why Lee hated him so much? What did he mean?

 

"Taekwoon?" he heard and looked up. Hakyeon stood just in front of him.

"You okay?"

"Mh." he said. "Yes, I was just thinking."

"Let's get to work."

"You mean that I have to go to work, you just sit with your bare back." he said.

"Being beautiful is also a hard job."

 

Taekwoon sighed, but the corner of his lips lifted up. Hakyeon and his confidence sometimes surprised even him. Why was his heart so calm? Why didn't it tremble in panic? Lee wasn't stupid. He tried once, he will try again.

 

////

 

They have been working on the second painting for several days. There are details that he has now refined. He didn't like to look at his self-portrait, but Hakyeon insisted it must be him. In that case, Taekwoon didn't paint a woman. He painted Hakyeon the way he always wanted.

 

"I saw Lee, at the gallery that day. Do you think he will destroy your paintings?" Hakyeon asked.

"No. He respects art too much. But I'd rather him destroy paintings than try to hurt people."

"Don't worry. I'm sure he won't do anything to anyone. This is pointless."

 

Taekwoon didn't answer. He wanted to believe it, but he knew Lee. He was impulsive and if he promised something to himself, he would fulfill that promise. Maybe they should leave? He and Hakyeon. But where? He needed money. Two more paintings and maybe he will have enough.

 

Hakyeon stood and stared at the finished art. He covered himself with a sheet. Stood in silence.

"Don't you like it?" Taekwoon asked.

"It's me. And you."

"Yes."

"But... Are you sure? People..."

He put his arms around his waist and kissed his neck.

"I don't care." he whispered.

"Taekwoon?"

"Mh?" "When did you fall in love with me?"

"I think right after I saw you, you were like the sun after an eternal night. I felt like I wanted you to stay."

He saw a smile on his face.

"And when did you know that you love me?"

"When I kissed you for the first time."

Hakyeon turned and looked into his eyes.

"Really? Already then?"

"Yes, but I didn't let that thought... until the house was burning..."

"No. Don't think about it anymore." he embraced his cheeks. He kissed him.

"I can't loose you." Taekwoon whispered, hugging him harder.

"I'm here." he kissed him again.

 

The material fell from his naked body. Taekwoon felt his soft skin under his fingers. All dyes fell to the ground when they hit the table. But even that didn't tear them apart.

And when they touched, everything was blue and red and yellow. The floor turned into a palette of colors when they were making love.

Every breath was precious, every kiss and moan. Without it, he would crumbled into a million pieces. Without him, he was nothing.

 

"You are so beautiful." Taekwoon whispered when they finished.

"Ah, stop it." Hakyeon blushed.

"Don't move, I want to draw you like that.."

"Ah, touch and sketch?"

He stood up, grabbing the sketchbook. He drew quickly, drawing each line nimbly. Several dry dyes rubbed into paper.

He smiled. He caught the blurry gaze, slightly open lips, sweat on forehead and colors. Colors all over his body.

"Come to me." Hakyeon asked quietly.

Taekwoon threw away the sketchbook and returned to him. In his arms.

 

////

 

Nguyễn looked at the painting carefully. This part of the gallery was closed for this time. Taekwoon stood silently in the side. He wasn't sure if he would like it.

"So it was him, all this time?" Nguyễn asked.

"Yes." Taekwoon said carefully.

"Ah, don't worry, I don't mind."

"Good."

Nguyễn smiled a little disconcertingly.

"I'd like to get to know him better."

"No."

"Oh?"

"I can't agree with that, I'm sorry."

"Ah." he laughed. "Okay, let it be. But I regret it a lot. I like the painting. You get better and I can't wait for the next one."

 

Taekwoon took the money and left the gallery. He got more than before. There was a chance that they would be able to leave with Hakyeon far. Far from Lee and this cursed city.

"Taekwoon." he heard and turned away.

"Lee, please, let's talk."

"I don't want to talk."

"Then why are you here?"

"I just want to ask if you know why I hate you." his eyes were shining. He was influenced by opium.

"I don't know, Lee, I really don't know."

He winced.

"In that case, nothing will change. Have a nice day." he hissed and walked away, pushing people away.

 

He felt fear. He will never understand what happened to Lee, and that means he didn't have time. He had to somehow push Hakyeon away. He had no choice. So when he returned home, he was in a bad mood. He sat in the studio and smoked opium until his mind became empty.

 

"You are smoking again?" Hakyeon asked. "Please, stop..." he touched his hair. Taekwoon jumped up, avoiding his touch. He couldn't touch him. It will break him. Hakyeon looked at him incomprehensibly.

"Taekwoon? What's going on? Why are you like that?"

"I'm not in the mood, just leave me alone..."

"Taekwoon..."

"Leave."

Hakyeon didn't say a word. He left. It was painful. And it will be a much worse soon.

 

For the next days, Taekwon was killing his own heart. They worked on the third painting, but they slept separately, hardly ever talked to each other.

 

"Taekwoon... talk to me. What happened?" Hakyeon asked. Again.

"Nothing."

"You don't talk to me, you don't sleep in our bed, you are still sitting in the studio and you are smoking opium. Please, drop it, I can't stand it anymore."

"So go away. I told you I'm not nice. If it bothers you so much, just leave."

He looked away. In Hakyeon's eyes he saw sadness. He hurt him. And he hated himself for it.

"I don't believe you. Something happened and you don't want to tell me. You love me."

Taekwoon snorted.

"I'm an artist, Hakyeon, I'm crazy about something in one day, don't care next day."

"You don't care about me anymore?"

"Hakyeon, it was an affair, I loved your beauty, I still think you're beautiful, but... It's over. Like this painting." pointed to the canvas. "After this our paths divide."

"But... you said... under the peach tree..." his voice broke down.

"What did I say?"

"You said you wanted a house by the sea..."

"Ah, it was a nice dream. For a short moment."

"I don't believe you. I don't believe you!"

"You're so naive, Hakyeon. If it doesn't suit you, leave me. I'll make it without you. I'll pay you... Don't worry."

"So all of this was a lie?!"

"Mh. It was more like an adventure. Didn't you feel good? But I'm bored now, so..."

"You bastard!" he shouted. He left the studio. Taekwoon covered his face with his hands.

"I'm sorry, Hakyeon." he whispered to himself. "I'm sorry, my love."

 

* * *

 

 

**[[[Hakyeon POV]]]**

 

Tears ran down his cheeks as he walked down the hall. He couldn't believe it. How could Taekwoon do that? It couldn't be true. It wasn't true!

He stopped.

He looked at his hands. He almost burned alive to save a souvenir from his mother.

Even now, he would do it again. He loved him too much. And he knew that Taekwoon loved him too, but something happened. He pushed him away. It was fear. His heart was calm. He cried, but he didn't feel crushed. He was just sad. They were like a rock. Like a mountain.

 

He can't give up. He can't just let it go. He turned. He opened the door with a bang and saw Taekwoon with eyes full of tears.

"Do you really think I'm going to let it go so easily?!" Hakyeon shouted and shut the door loudly.

"Hakyeon, go away... I don't want you anymore..."

"You are a hopeless liar, and I have lost my guard for a moment. You are an idiot." he hissed and went to him, embracing his face. He kissed him. Firmly. Taekwoon fought to get away from him, but it didn't last long. He grabbed him, pressed him to his body.

He kissed him desperately, hard. Hakyeon even felt the blood in his mouth when they were hurt by accident.

"Sorry." Taekwoon whispered.

"It will heal."

"I mean my behavior, I... I just wanted to protect you, I didn't know what to do."

"But trying to push me away? Make me start to hate you... it's impossible. Even if it was true, I couldn't hate you..." he wiped his tear from his cheek with a thumb. "I love you too much."

"I don't deserve you."

"Shut up."

"But he will hurt you, I know it."

"You should tell me, we are adults. Taekwoon, I almost burned alive, and I don't say it to make you feel guilty. I'm saying that because you should be aware that even death didn't stand in our way. We met, we survived that fire, fear and pain. Lee can't separate us."

"But he will try. He hates me for some reason, but I don't know why." Taekwoon sighed and sat on the couch, hanging his head.

"Sanghyuk told me about it. When Lee won the competition..."

"He didn't want to be friends with me anymore and here the story ends. I really don't know what made him to hate me... I tried to talk to him, but it didn't help... Please, don't go alone to the town. I'm begging you... " he looked at him with a horror in his eyes.

"Everything will be fine." Hakyeon put his arms around him. Taekwoon hid his face in his neck when they both lay down. He stroked his soft black hair. "Just tell me everything, don't hide anything, we're together."

"You are mad?"

"Yes, but it doesn't change anything."

"But I..." Taekwoon lifted his head.

"Shush, just kiss me." he asked.

 

////

 

It wasn't like they lost trust, but there was a barrier between them. They may have faced another test, but Hakyeon wasn't going to give up.

He talked to Hongbin about it. He thought that only he could help him.

"Taekwoon has always had mood swings, but he has always been very secretive. But one thing is certain, he's totally committed to someone he cares about. I think he just got lost."

"But why? I'm doing something wrong?"

"No. You're just his first real love, Hakyeon. I think he's overprotective. It's good that you came back. That you didn't let this nonsense tear you apart. Ah, he's a bad liar."

"Yes, I told him the same. But at least he's a beautiful liar."

 

They sat together at breakfast that day. There was a gentle silence. Wonshik ate with his eyes closed.

"Sleepless night?" Sanghyuk chuckled.

"Uh-huh." he said. Hongbin smiled maliciously. Jaehwan rolled his eyes.

"Jaehwan, I'd like to talk to you later." Taekwoon looked at him intently.

"About what? I don't have time..."

"It's about what I mentioned a few days ago. Please." Jaehwan sighed, wiped his mouth on the napkin and put it on the table.

"Fine. When you get back from the gallery. Now I have other things to do."

"Thank you."

"Yes, yes." Jaehwan murmured.

Hakyeon wondered what interest Taekwoon wanted to talk to Jaehwan. However, when he asked, Taekwoon asked for patience. And if it works, he'll be the first person he'll tell. Hakyeon was fine with it.

 

Taekwoon went to the gallery with Sanghyuk, and Hakyeon and Hongbin decided to buy wine and some delicacies to celebrate success. They also hoped that Taekwoon would get a new order. And maybe even a lot of orders. His name was heard on the streets.

 

"Ah, I am so happy. Taekwoon deserves it. I won't tell him, but sometimes when he sleeps, I watch his sketchbook, sometimes I even cry... I'm so weak! But the sketches themselves are so beautiful. He could make sketches for a few silver coins."

Hongbin laughed.

"I don't think so. According to him, these sketches are not worth much attention. I suspect that he would be very upset if he knew you were watching them."

"Ah, please, let this be our secret then."

"Your secret is safe with me."

 

They carried bottles of wine and food, heading towards the carriage. They went out on the road. The speeding carriage appeared out of nowhere and rushed straight towards them. Everything was so fast. Hakyeon stood, frozen, in the middle of the road. The horses raced at him.

So close.

And then he felt the hit. The bottles of wine smashed on the pavement. He lay on the side. The carriage drove away, but it was stopped a bit further. The coachman tried to escape. Hakyeon stood up and his head turned. Taekwoon lay in the middle of the street.

 

His heart stopped.

 

Everything slowed down. Time has ceased to count for a moment. Hakyeon saw blood, more and more blood spilling around Taekwoon's head. He lunged, pulling off his jacket and pressing it to the wound on his head. He cried and his hands trembled.

 

He only knew that he must squeeze the wound.

 

"Please... Please..." he muttered under his breath, but Taekwoon didn't move. His jacket began to soak. "Someone help me!" he cried.

He had an empty mind. He couldn't think. The world around stopped to exist, because only Taekwoon was important to him. His Taekwoon. Its meaning of life. Each heartbeat seemed to take his life away from him.

 

They took him to the mansion. They called for a doctor, but Hakyeon knew it wasn't enough.

Hakyeon knew what he need to do.

"I need your best horse." he told Jaehwan.

He didn't say anything, just led him to the stable, giving him a high, bay stallion.

"He is very hotheaded, but he can stand a long way."

"Good" Hakyeon jumped on his back. The horse was moving nervously.

"Please, take care of Taekwoon. Don't let him die."

He sighed. He couldn't promise anything. Hakyeon knew.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to see my father."

 

And when he said that, he moved forward. As soon as he found himself on the trail, he forced the horse to run. He couldn't waste a single minute.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memory is an important thing.
> 
> Memories that we create are like a network. If something is interrupted, it takes time to recover it.
> 
> Taekwoon is determined to live like never before. This time, Hakyeon must understand what is important to him.

Hakyeon traveled for two days and one night.

In fact, he didn't run away that far. He knew that if they start looking for him, they wouldn't focus on close area. It dims under the lantern, as they say.

 

Jaehwan didn't lie, the horse was very strong. Hakyeon was so mad about what had happened that he was ready to run without rest. The vision of Taekwoon's blood on the street made him panic.

Hakyeon hardly slept. He couldn't stop thinking about Taekwoon. Was he still alive? Will Hakyeon come back, will he be greeted by a freshly built grave?

 

This thought terrified him. He couldn’t breathe, he shivered with cold even when he was sitting by the fireplace. Some obscure feeling lurked under his skin. It was crawling. He felt it all over his body. It was there, waiting for an attack.

No. He must focus on what he has to do. He must reach his father, he must try to talk to him. He must do everything he can.

But still, this thought in his head...

_ "What if he dies and you waste time now?" _

No. He didn't waste time. Being here, trying... it can do a lot more. He couldn't sit and stare at his still face. So close to the expression of death that only a gentle breath was a sign that life is still in this body.

Taekwoon.

_ Taekwoon. _

Faster, faster. Let it be over. He only wanted to regain the person he loved. He didn't ask for anything more.

It's just one life.

 

He stopped his horse and ran up the stairs. The house was big. Maybe even bigger than the Lee brothers had. In every corner lurks memories of childhood. The smell of wood reminded him of the past everyday life. Creaking floors about playing on hot days and eating cakes with berries. There was still a stain on the carpet.

 

He met the maid in the lobby.

"Young master Hakyeon! You have come back!"

"Not for long, where is my father?"

"In the hospital. He'll be back in the evening. Maybe you'll eat something..."

"I have no time." Hakyeon was breathing heavily. He ran out of the house, back on the horse's back.

 

People turned their heads when he appeared in the town. Certainly someone riding wildly wasn't an everyday life here.

Hakyeon didn't care. He didn't have time. Every minute was more valuable than his one breath.

He stopped only at the hospital. He ran up the stairs and headed straight for the office. It was surrounded by white walls and the smell of iodine floating in the air.

His father was his only hope. He was afraid, however, that he wouldn't agree to help him because of his escape. He blamed him. He lied. He dropped out of medical school because he didn't want to do it. Hakyeon still didn't know what to do with his life. But if Taekwoon dies, his life will not matter.

He will live from day to day, trying to survive in mourning.

 

He saw a nurse and asked about his father. Hakyeon had to wait outside when he was will called. He sat on a chair and stared ahead. The corridor was empty and quiet.

He began to shake.

His breath was heavy. As if his lungs were made of metal.

He was scared.

He was afraid because a year had passed since he last looked into his father's face. That evening he was furious, raised his voice and didn't care if he offended him. And he disappeared in the morning.

And now Hakyeon was here. Begging for help. But really, there was no one else.

His father was the best surgeon. The wound Taekwoon had... only his father could help. He was the best in the country.

 

Hakyeon hung his head. He was so tired. His body was heavy and he felt every muscle in him hurt. He also had a nasty abrasion on his leg.

But he didn't care. The only thing that counted was that Taekwoon would live. He wanted to see his face again and smile. He wanted to hide his fingers in his black hair and kiss his sweet lips.

Hakyeon felt the tears come to his eyes. Then he heard the patter of legs and a boy appeared in the corridor.

"Hey..." Hakyeon began, but he stopped, because the boy climbed into a chair next to him and hid behind him. After a moment, a nurse appeared.

"Ah, there you are. I'm so sorry." she said, bowing with respect.

"It's fine."

"He runs away all the time, he doesn't want to take medicine. Come on, it's time to go back to your room."

The boy shook his head and nestled harder in Hakyeon's shoulder. There was something in him... He was so quiet and had such sad eyes. How could such a small child have so much sadness in it?

The boy seemed to be locked in time, in his own head, where he had his own thoughts. What happened to him? Why was he here? And why did Hakyeon want to protect him so much, even though he knew nothing about him?

Maybe he saw himself in him?

Hakyeon felt a bit like a lost boy. He got stuck between life and death.

He heard the questions swirling in his head.

_ "What will you do when he will gone?" _

 

The cabinet door opened. It distracted them and the nurse caught the boy, taking him away.

Hakyeon looked at this scene with a strange pain in his heart.

The boy looked at him for a long time until he disappeared around the bend.

Those dark eyes. Much more mature than his age would indicate.

 

"The doctor will accept you, sir." the nurse said, she made a nod.

"Thank you." Hakyeon answered her quietly and bowed as well.

He entered the office with downcast eyes. He saw the wooden floor in a shade of red, covered with varnish and polished. He stopped when he saw the carpet. He held the cap in his hands and squeezed its edges nervously. His heart began to beat so fast.

He smelled the smell of paper, medicine, wood. Everything mixing in the fragrance deeply stored in his memory.

"The prodigal son." he heard and shuddered.

His father's low voice made him feel strange. This roughness of voice and tone is like opening the door to a very old past.

Hakyeon has so much dissociated himself from everything. For him, this one year with Taekwoon, it was like a whole millennium. And he wanted to return so much to this sweet eternity.

 

Silence lasted.

Long, unbearable. Hakyeon wanted to move, but he stood there, paralyzed. Hardly breathing.

"So," he heard again, "what brings you here? Have you come back to ask for forgiveness?"

Hakyeon swallowed. His throat was squeezed so much that he felt pain. He couldn't say a word. But he swallowed again.

The embrace was loosened. This demon, who held him in his embrace, he weakened.

Hakyeon was here for Taekwoon. He need to be strong.

 

"I didn't come here for myself, but for someone else." Hakyeon said quietly, still too shaken to look up.

His father was silent, but he could hear his movement. He leaned back in his chair.

"You have disappeared without a word, no word from you for a year, and now you are appearing in someone's name. This must be something very important."

"It's about someone's life. Someone very important to me. Only you can help, father."

"You are not even looking at me."

"I'm ashamed. I can't."

"Hakyeon, look at me."

 

Hakyeon blinked several times and took a quiet, shaky breath. His fingers ached from squeezing the cap. He slowly raised his head, but his eyes at the end.

He saw a desk and some papers, a writing pen, glasses, a lamp. And then the body and finally the face.

Hakyeon was surprised because his father didn't look angry. In fact, his expression was very warm and gentle.

Hakyeon felt tears. Why did he remember his father as a monster of hatred? Just because he expressed his opposition to quitting college?

He had the right to do so. He paid for it. After the death of his mother, he was taking care of Hakyeon and he was a good father. Even if he was demanding and rough sometimes.

But he always had those warm brown eyes. The same that Hakyeon had. His mother always said, that he is his copy. He never liked it, now he didn't think he deserved it.

What happened to him? Why did Hakyeon have so many reflections in a moment? Has this year changed his values?

Was living on your own with a poor artist could have changed him so much?

 

And when Hakyeon looked in his face and eyes, the same ones he had, he felt he must speak. He must ask and beg.

"Please, father. I know I was a bad son. I brought you shame and you have nothing to be proud of, but please do just one thing." Hakyeon was trembling more. But it was too late. When the voice began to wade through grief and scared, he couldn't stop.

"This person is very important to me. He helped me, and now his life is in danger."

"Hakyeon..." his father sighed.

"I'm begging you! I'll do anything. I'll be back... I'll be back to college. I'll work hard to regain my honor. I'll do whatever you want, just please... please, save this man's life, he's innocent and it's my fault that he is suffering." he pursed his lips and wiped tears quickly. "He must live. He deserves so much good. He is a good man. If he dies, I... I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't even think about it."

"Hakyeon..."

"I know you hate me!"

Fist hit the desk.

Hakyeon shuddered and blinked. A few tears escaped from under the eyelids.

He looked at his father, who was looking at him with a clenched jaw.

This face was different. 

"Can you keep quiet? I'm trying to tell you something."

Hakyeon looked down again. He felt so small. The room suddenly grew and began to overwhelm him. His heart was beating so fast and painfully. It's as if his ribs were going to crack. His hands were trembling and cold with sweat. He heard unpleasant noise in his ears.

After a moment, his father spoke again.

"I see my son, but he doesn't seem to be the same... Whatever happened this year, you're different. I see it in you, your eyes, your attitude... You've always been so proud, ambitious, You've chosen to study medicine, Hakyeon. I didn't ask you to choose it, although everyone expected it."

"You were so angry..."

"Because I didn't understand the reason, I wanted to know why. I've never judged you. I wanted you to be happy, and you've risen in honor, you said a lot of things that can't be undone and you've disappeared. I was looking for you. I was worried you would do something stupid and they will bring me your dead body! Can you now understand what I could feel when you disappeared? Fear of the safety of a loved one? And I only have you, Hakyeon, you are my only son... "

Hakyeon couldn't take it anymore. He took two steps and fell to his knees beside his father.

"I'm sorry!" another wave of tears. "I was so self-confident! I was sure I knew everything I should know! I was angry and resentful. I wanted to hurt you, I ran away because I was sure you would force me to stay in college, but there was this girl and I couldn't... I couldn't stand seeing her dead face."

"Yes I know." his father sounded flat.

"The day the section was supposed to be made... I saw it in books, but see it with my own eyes it's different. I'm too weak, I can't... I can't... I know what I said, and I know I would go back to college for you, but... I would be dead inside."

 

Another silence fell.

Hakyeon knelt beside the chair, shivering. His face was wet with tears.

He was so wrong on many things. Hakyeon didn't recognize his own self. He was so low. He was so full of humbleness and fear.

Taekwoon's love, fire, fear, uncertainty, opium, passionate nights... It all made him realize that things are much more important than he is.

And for now, there was only Taekwoon for him. Nothing more.

 

Hakyeon felt his hand on his head and froze. This paternal gesture, full of concern.

"I couldn't sit idly. I paid a lot of people to look for you. I've known where you are for a dozen or so weeks." Hakyeon froze. "I knew you were not alone and you are well." there was regret in his father's voice.

Hakyeon understood that.

"I know, but please, we will talk later. Now this is urgent... Can you help?"

"Hakyeon, I'm the director of this hospital. I have patients."

"No!"

Hakyeon jerked up and grabbed his head. He squeezed his hair, ready to tear it out of frustration, fear and pain. He was on the edge. His whole body ached, because his muscles were still tense.

"This is a hospital, there are other doctors here, I'm asking you for that one thing!"

Father frowned.

"How far is it?"

"Two days away."

"What happened?"

"The speeding carriage was going straight towards me, he pulled me away, but he fell under the wheels... He was wounded in the head, there was so much blood... And he was so pale..." Hakyeon felt his panic attack. Fast breathing. Dizziness.

Father grabbed him by the shoulders and shook them.

"Hakyeon, focus! He was injured in the head and lost consciousness, right?"

"Yes."

"What else?"

"The bleeding stopped when I decided to come for you. Our friends call the doctor, but I don't trust anyone but you in this matter. No one else!"

Father sighed and stepped back. He stood in the window and remained silent for all eternity.

"Please." Hakyeon whispered. "Please, I can do nothing else. I beg you. Save him.”

"Go home, Hakyeon, I need to finish my job. Eat and rest. We'll talk about it when I get back."

 

Hakyeon didn't want to be more insistent. He lost all his strength anyway.

He only nodded and left the office.

 

He didn't know what his father's decision would be, but even if he refused, Hakyeon didn't have the strength to go back two more days.

His father, however, was a good doctor. He wanted to heal people, and Hakyeon believed that his father would agree.

 

At home he ate a warm soup. The house has not changed a bit and Hakyeon felt nostalgia.

He wished he had behaved in such a way. He was ashamed. But he didn't regret leaving. If not, he would still be the same man as last year.

 

His room was clean. Fresh bedding. There was no dust at all. It's like he left just for a day or two. And Hakyeon understood how his father had to worry, but at the same time he had to take care of Hakyeon's room in case he came back one day.

And it was cruel. All of this.

 

Hakyeon fell asleep very quickly and hard. He saw strange things in his dreams. He was also sure that Taekwoon appeared there. But he was so far away. He couldn't reach him. Hakyeon was afraid and tried to catch him, but he was so tired.

And again he heard the voice.

_ "What will you do when he will gone?" _

"I will die. I will die when he goes away, please... let him stay with me." Hakyeon replied and his dream turned into a black emptiness.

He woke up with tears.

His head and body ached.

There was a gray morning outside the window. Autumn sky, collecting cool rain. The wind changing the colors of the trees.

Everything seemed so dirty.

When he sat on the bed and took a breath, he realized why he was here. And he hid his face in hands, feeling his cry squeezing throat again.

He missed him so much. It was so painful.

 

When he arrived at breakfast, his father was already there. They ate in silence. But Hakyeon felt his eyes on him.

"You slept when I came back. I didn't want to wake you up anymore... You look bad, what happened to your hands?"

Hakyeon instinctively pulled the sleeves of his shirt down.

"A burn, it's nothing. Just a scar."

Father looked at him for a moment, then drank some tea.

"We will talk about it later, now I don't have time for it, I have to go to the hospital..." father stood up.

"I understand." Hakyeon was afraid to ask about his decision, although he should. That's why he came here.

"You can stay here and wait, or go with me. I have to talk to other doctors when I'm gone, and we can get out of the hospital straight away."

Hakyeon raised his head quickly and looked at his father.

"It means..."

"What is your decision?"

"I will go with you."

He let the father take care of his duties.

There was hope in his heart. It grew like a flower that took a drop of rain. He felt warmth. For so many hours, his body was cold.

Now it was soothing. He could walk the corridors and be able to focus on the fact that there was hope.

He was still afraid, but the thought that Taekwoon and he would be together again was stronger.

He stopped this thought, he wanted to protect himself from it, because if it turns out that Taekwoon can't be helped, Hakyeon knew that it would be his end. And he was afraid of it very much.

 

The door from one of the rooms was open. He saw the same boy as previous day.

He sat alone and drew something on a piece of paper. The nurse was nearby. Hakyeon greeted her, bowing and walked over to the boy. He looked at his drawing for a moment.

It was a house. But it was all black and Hakyeon thought it was sad. Why was this house all black?

"You don't run away today?" he asked. The boy looked up at him and shook his head. "What are you drawing, this is your home?" the boy nodded. "Hmm..." he didn't know what to say. "Be nice, to the nurse, okay? Don't run away again." he touched his soft, black hair. Boy smiled and focused on drawing again.

"The boy doesn't speak." a nurse told him as he was leaving. "Since when he is here he hasn't spoken to anyone even once."

"What happened to him?"

"Ah... it was a fire. A terrible fire. Only he survived. His father saved him and died in hospital. Too many injuries."

"Ah..." Hakyeon sighed and looked at the boy. That look in his eyes, that look with a silent scream and pain.

Hakyeon understood.

They were the same. That is why he felt connection with him.

"When will the family take him?"

"The boy is here a long time, no one showed up until now. Looks like he has no one."

"What will happen to him then?"

The woman sighed.

"Orphanage, I guess."

Hakyeon looked at the boy again. He was there, sitting alone. In silence. With pain in his eyes. And his small heart, crushed piece by piece in every minute of his existance.

"What is his name?"

"Minyul."

Hakyeon was waiting for his father, and when he finally appeared, he didn't hesitate.

"That boy, Minyul."

"Minyul?" his father seemed confused for a moment. "Ah, right. What about him?"

"He has no family, he will go to an orphanage."

"Which one of the nurses can't keep his tongue again... Hakyeon, he's not the first and not the last. Why did you get interested in him?"

"I want to take him with me."

The man was silent for a long moment. Hakyeon felt his heart tremble.

"What?"

"I can't explain it, but I just know I have to take him. I don't want him to go to the orphanage. And he likes me. You decide about it, he's in the care of your hospital."

"Hakyeon."

"I'm taking him with me. You will agree." Hakyeon said firmly. "We will wait for you downstairs."

 

Maybe it was crazy, but Hakyeon didn't care about it.

 

Minyul didn't have too many things. In fact, he only had a teddy bear. The rest belonged to the hospital. Hakyeon still had some time, so he went to town and bought him clothes.

They waited together. Minyul clung to him.

"You won't be alone anymore." Hakyeon promised him and embraced him harder. He smiled. Taekwoon will definitely not mind. It's just a boy who needs a home. And they had a home.

Father didn't say a word to him. He just looked at him coldly and got into the carriage.

Behind the carriage was the horse of the brothers Lee, whom Hakyeon had to return.

 

The journey took them almost three days. The carriage was slower than one horse. In addition, they had to stop, eat and sleep.

Hakyeon found comfort in the company of Minyul. When he helped him draw or when they were playing games. Hakyeon smiled honestly and happily and saw in the boy's eyes that his life also seemed to be getting better.

His father didn't talk to him. And Hakyeon didn't really know why.

When Hakyeon saw a familiar house through the window, his heart trembled. What is waiting for him there? Did Taekwoon do well? Did he live?

He still sometimes heard the question in his head. And he knew that his life wouldn't be the same. Perhaps that is why Minyul arrived? Like a little guardian angel? Was he supposed to protect him from what Hakyeon could do?

Hongbin came out to greet them and Hakyeon tried to stop his emotions. He embraced him tightly. Here he felt at home.

"It's good to see you." Hongbin said quietly.

"Tell me..." Hakyeon whispered.

"He's alive, but still unconscious."

"For so many days?"

"Yes. He's in the hospital, there are better conditions."

"I have to see him, but..." Hakyeon stopped because he saw Jaehwan and Sanghyuk. Wonshik was there too, and Hakyeon pursed his lips. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. But he had to stop himself.

"This is my father. He is one of the best doctors and surgeons."

Jaehwan shook his hand because he was closest. After a moment Minyul came out of the carriage and ran to Hakyeon, grabbing his leg. Hakyeon stroked his hair.

"And who is that?" Hongin smiled.

"Minyul, my protégé, I will tell you everything later, but please... First Taekwoon."

"Yes, I would like to see the patient as soon as possible." said Hakyeon's father.

"I will go with you." said Jaehwan. Hakyeon saw a change in him. Perhaps it was because he and Taekwoon were friends. Hongbin told him that a long time ago.

"I'm going too." Hongbin added.

Hakyeon sighed and bent to Minyul.

"Minyul, I have to go somewhere now, but I'll be back, okay? Uncle Wonshik will show you the house. It's big and nice, and maybe he'll play something on a guitar."

"Sure!" Wonshik smiled and bent too. "Will you come with me?" he reached his hand to the boy.

He hesitated for some time, then he took a shy step. Finally, he dared to come closer and Wonshik took him in his arms.

 

In the hospital, they met a doctor who was paid by the Lee brothers. Hakyeon was starting to wonder how he would pay them off. Yes, he had family money, but he didn't feel like it belonged to him.

"I'm afraid the brain is damaged."

"I will look at it. What is his condition?"

"Stable for now."

Hakyeon listened to this passively. He stared at the floor and inhaled the smell of drugs floating in the air.

"Hakyeon."

He turned to Hongbin. He felt empty. As if he was dreaming.

Everything was happening around him and he had no influence whatsoever.

"Everything will be fine."

Hakyeon wanted to believe it very much.

It took some time before they let him enter the room where Taekwoon lay.

And Hakyeon was not ready for it, but he did it anyway.

Hongbin was with him.

"Jaehwan pays everything, he took care of everything. And no one asked him for anything, he... he is worried." Hongbin said.

"Yes, I saw it in him." Hakyeon stared at the bed frame.

"I will leave you, but if you need anything, I will be outside."

 

Hakyeon was alone. He hesitated for a while but he came closer.

Taekwoon looked calm, as he always did when he slept. His black hair fell over his eyes, so Hakyeon brushed it away. He stroked his cheek and lips.

And then he fell. He leaned his head against the mattress and sat on the floor, crying. He squeezed Taekwoon's hand.

"Please, come back to me..." he was sobbing. "I can't take it without you, please..."

That hurts.

The pain reminded him that he was still alive, that it wasn't a dream, but at the same time he thought that he would like to wake up. And that he will see Taekwoon's smile and look into his eyes full of sparks and this quiet love. Only what he wanted it was this. Another lazy morning by his side.

Hakyeon was afraid. And fear was now his master.

 

He just sat there and watched.

When there wasn't a single tear left and he was empty inside. He looked at Taekwoon and called him quietly in his mind. He didn't think it would help, but he didn't have the strength to say anything at loud. Just breathing was difficult enough for him.

 

And then his father showed up.

"We have to do the surgery. Immediately."

Hakyeon rose from his chair and stepped back. A few people suddenly appeared in the room and he felt lost. It's possible that he forgot to breathe and began feel dizzy. And then he felt a hug. Hongbin pulled him outside and then he opened his mouth to take a breath.

"They checked the results. A decision was made about the operation, because the brain can be swollen. They mentioned that it hurts him."

"So there is possibility, that he won't wake up anymore?" Hakyeon began to tremble, but he didn't take his eyes off Taekwoon as they were taking him into the corridor.

"Yes."

Hakyeon was silent. He trusted his father. He believed that he would do what he can...

"I felt that you are not a simple man. Your horse riding is too well, and despite the fact that the clothes were simple, they were made of good material. And your surname.

"I didn't want to lie to you." Hakyeon said in a dull voice.

"I know. But we'll talk about it sometime. When it's over."

Hakyeon waited. The hours lengthened into infinity. He won't leave from here until the operation is over.

Hongbin was with him all the time. A quiet companion. Hakyeon was very grateful to him for being here. He was just there, beside him and that was enough.

 

Hakyeon came back to that day. A scene full of blood, noise and chaos. He blinked, because the image caused shivered in him.

"Hongbin?"

"Hm?"

"What about the driver who..."

"Ah, yes, they caught him. He is in prison."

"What about Lee?"

Hongbin was silent for a moment.

"No evidence."

"Shit!" Hakyeon hissed. "Everyone knows it's him. Nguyễn can't do anything?"

"He... he's not getting involved with it."

"He should, because he is responsible to what happened. He created this tragedy!"

"Hakyeon... we can't do anything about it."

"And what? I'm sure he'll get rid of Taekwoon's paintings because he won't get those new ones, right?"

"I don't know, Hakyeon, I... I do not know." Hongbin lowered his eyes.

Hakyeon was furious. He will have to go and see Nguyễn. Because he owes something to Taekwoon.

 

Hakyeon fell asleep. He was awakened by the scream he had heard in his dream. He fell into the dark abyss and couldn't speak until he saw the approaching earth and then he shouted. He jumped up and looked around.

He was sitting in the hallway in the hospital. He felt pain in his back. He tried to massage the stiff neck. He made a wry face and sighed.

"Here." he heard and looked up. Hongbin served him a cup of hot tea. "You woke up."

"I slept long?"

"More than an hour."

"Mh." he grabbed the mug with both hands. He felt hot. The drink burned his hands, but it didn't bother him. "Do you know anything about the operation?"

"No. Still nothing."

"So we're still waiting."

"Yes."

"Do you want to go home?"

"No. I will stay here with you."

Hakyeon nodded.

 

It was a late night.

Hakyeon was tired and could't think or move. His whole body was numb. He sat still. Hongbin was asleep, his head on his lap.

But he woke up when Hakyeon's father appeared next to them.

Hakyeon looked at him in silence.

"It went good." he said only.

Hongbin sat down and rubbed his face quickly. Hakyeon wanted to get up, but his knees were too weak and he couldn't move.

"Tell me more." he asked.

"Your friend will live. But he will need a long rehabilitation. He must stay in a coma to recover. He will stay here in the hospital, later you can move him home."

"Thank you. Father..."

"I need to finish a few things, I'll see you later." 

This cold in his behavior. Hakyeon felt that their final confrontation wouldn't end with warm feelings.

His father didn't know many things, and Hakyeon would rather not tell him about anything. He would not understand. Hakyeon wasn't sure if his father would accept it either.

But Taekwoon lived and will live. Hakyeon just had to wait.

 

////

 

Autumn has changed into the winter.

Minyul was a small ray of sunshine in their home. He still couldn't speak, but his eyes were not so full of pain. Hakyeon read him a lot before falling asleep. And usually the boy stayed with him, cuddling to his side.

He warmed Hakyeon's heart and helped him persevere in anticipation of Taekwoon.

The others loved Minyul and everyone felt comfortable in his presence. The boy seemed to like Wonshik very much and they often stayed together. When snow fell, they built a snow fort together.

Sanghyuk was already living in the mansion. Jaehwan was quiet and gentle like never before. Hakyeon was afraid to talk to him for some reason.

They needed time.

 

Hakyeon visited Taekwoon every day. He has to. Without it, he wouldn't be able to function. During the first few days of the visit, he simply sat at his side and cried.

He saw bandage on his head and a pale face, and that terrified him. Hakyeon also saw that Taekwoon had a wound on the side of his face and changed from day to day to a scar that would be forever.

But it didn't matter to Hakyeon. He waited only for him to wake up.

"Good morning, Taekwoonie." he said quietly and kissed him gently on the forehead. He brushed his lips too.

"It's cold, it's really cold! Once you said you don't like winter. But don't worry, it's looks like you will sleep whole winter. I prefer summer, especially after we went to the river. I still remember the promise from under the peach tree. I hope we'll be able to do it soon." he looked at him. "I miss you." Hakyeon grabbed his hand and stroked it with a thumb. "But we'll see each other soon."

 

One day Hakyeon was restless and upset. The wound didn't heal properly, and although it didn't threaten Taekwoon's life, he was angry and frustrated anyway.

His father was only a few days and returned to his hospital. He returned to the control once every two weeks. At that time, the doctor's health was controlled by the doctor, which the Lee brothers still paid.

Hakyeon had to talk to Jaehwan. They had to find a solution to this situation.

 

Hakyeon returned to the mansion in the evening. He saw Nguyễn leaving. And all his anger, frustration, fear... focused on his character.

Hakyeon moved toward him with a quick step.

"Hakyeon!" Hongbin shouted, but Hakyeon didn't care.

He raised his hand and hit Nguyễn with a fist in the face with all his strength.

The man swayed back. Long hair in the color of snow covered his face. When he turned away, blood flowed from his lips.

"Do you know what you did?! It's your fault!" Hakyeon shouted. Pushing him. "Your fault! Your fault!"

"Hakyeon, calm down!" Hongbin grabbed his arm, but Hakyeon wrenched himself free.

"I came to ask how he is doing." said Nguyễn.

"Now you care?! It's your fault! You created this tragedy! Taekwoon asked you for help! He knew what Lee was capable of, and now you come to ask how is Taekwoon? He's in a coma! And we don't know when he wakes up, you piece of shit! "

"Hakyeon, enough!" Hongbin pulled him away because he wanted to hit Nguyễn again.

His heart was beating so fast. He was trembling all over his body. The blood in his veins was as hot as lava. He had the feeling that he can explode in every second, that he would break him from the inside. He had tears in his eyes when he struggled. He wanted to beat and kick with all his strength.

"I have taken financial care over Taekwon. I care about him more than you think, even if you blame me, it doesn't change anything. I will wait for his return to health. Also... his paintings have become very famous..."

"Who cares?!" Hakyeon hissed. "What about Lee? You know it was him!"

Nguyễn sighed and licked his bleeding lip.

"I know, and if it gives you satisfaction, I've taken action on this issue."

"Just in time, huh?"

They looked at each other for a moment. Hongbin still held Hakyeon, but he didn't break away.

Nguyễn lowered his eyes and bowed. It was low, full of respect. Hakyeon felt all the tension coming out of him. He knew that this expression of respect wasn't an empty gesture. Nguyễn really felt guilty.

Hakyeon nodded and looked at the floor. Hongbin let go of his arms.

Nguyễn passed them and headed for the exit. Jaehwan escorted him and returned to them without a word.

"Did he really do it?" Hakyeon asked.

"Yes, Nguyễn will fund Taekwon's treatment. He admits that he feels complicit and would like to help in this way." said Jaehwan. "Thank you, Hakyeon."

"What? For what?"

"Because I wanted to hit him too, but I couldn't..."

Hakyeon blinked and Jaehwan disappeared into the room. Tears began to flow from under Hakyeon's eyelids and he couldn't stop. Hongbin hugged him tight and they stood like that for a long time.

 

////

 

Day after day, everyone was waiting for changes.

Change for the better. Because the wound healed properly and it didn't seem to be any complications.

The bandage didn't cover his head anymore and the dressing was much smaller. The hair was also longer.

The worst is over and they could take him home. Hakyeon was excited. Because if they could take him home, it meant he would wake up soon.

Hakyeon hoped for that.

His Taekwoon, his love, his reason for every breath.

 

Minyul was interested. Hakyeon didn't want to take him to the hospital too often so that the boy wouldn't feel bad. But now that Taekwoon was at home, they could both be with him.

Hakyeon told him and showed sketches of animals and plants. Because he knows that boy will like it.

"Uncle Taekwoon likes to draw like you, you know. I'm sure he will like your drawings." Hakyeon smiled and kissed him on the top of his head. Minyul descended from his knees suddenly, without a word as always and took a few sheets. He used colors and it pleased Hakyeon. He had plenty of colors here.

 

Hakyeon decided to talk to Jaehwan only once. Although he was still afraid. He felt a strange tension between them even though they didn't have any problems with each other.

"Jaehwan, I... I wanted to talk about money." Hakyeon began uncertainly.

"About money?"

"Yes, for treatment."

"Why? Nguyễn is doing it now..."

"It's what you've already paid for. I feel guilty to return it to you."

Jaehwan frowned and put down the newspaper he was reading. He sat straight, in a perfectly matching jacket. His eyes cast sparks of anger and misunderstanding.

"What are you talking about, Hakyeon?"

"I feel that I should return it to you. Besides, we live here, something is due to you."

Jaehwan looked at him sharply.

"I don't know what you imagine, Hakyeon, but you're exaggerating. Taekwoon is our friend for many years, even if I didn't let him know, I cared for him. He would live here anyway. I would pay for his treatment anyway too! Is that you and he are together doesn't mean that you are responsible for it. I'm glad you finally confessed to who you really are, but I don't want your money. Don't insult me that way, Hakyeon. This is not okay."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, really."

"We will never talk about it again, for me the subject is closed."

"Of course, I really did not mean to say anything wrong, I can move out..."

"Enough." he hit the table with his hand. His voice was sharp. "Get your shit together, Hakyeon, and stop making up."

 

It was something that Hakyeon also feared, but he really wanted to make it clear. Although it seemed that the tension was even stronger.

 

////

 

Winter was about to end soon.

The snow was beginning to melt, it was raining more and more often. The air was filled with the scent of spring. Hakyeon was looking at the sun, which was slowly looking out from behind the horizon and starting to cast warm rays through the window.

He was all night with Taekwoon. He felt bad and didn't want to leave him. He read, spoke to him, told him what he had done the previous day.

But sometimes he just sat and held his hand. He stared at his calm face. Taekwoon sometimes moved. But Hakyeon wasn't sure if it was just a muscle contraction, or maybe Taekwoon was regaining consciousness.

Hakyeon's father returned and stayed in the mansion to have a personal supervisor on Taekwoon's awakening. Hakyeon didn't try to talk to him. He didn't want another misunderstanding. Not now.

Taekwoon no longer received any drugs that would keep him in a coma, so he should have woken up soon.

Hakyeon stopped looking at sunrise and sat more comfortable, returning to the poetry he was reading...

 

_ I will cut into halves that waist _

_ Of the long midwinter night; _

_ Roll it up to be placed _

 

He stopped because he heard a mutter. He looked at Taekwoon, but he was still. Hakyeon began to read slowly again with a soft voice.

 

_ Under the warm spring breeze quilt _

 

Another move. Taekwoon's eyelids began to open. Hakyeon voice was trembling, but he continued. He believed that it could helps him to wake up.

 

_ And I will unroll it in the night _

 

Taekwoon took a deep breath and turned his head towards Hakyeon. He finished the line with his throat tight.

 

_ When my beloved arrives.* _

 

Taekwoon opened his eyes and blinked. He looked around and picked up suddenly.

"No, stay still." Hakyeon turned down the book and forced him to lie down. "Give yourself time."

His heart was beating so fast. Taekwoon... Taekwoon finally woke up.

"Taekwoon..." he whispered and a few tears flowed down his cheek. He wanted to kiss him, embrace him, laugh and cry, but he knew it wasn't the time for that. They will have time for that later. He stepped back and opened the door, shouting:

"He woke up! He woke up!"

He left the door open and returned to Taekwoon, who looked very confused. Hakyeon grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers again and again.

Hongbin went first. Others appeared behind him. Everyone was in pajamas.

"You are here, I'm so happy." Hakyeon wanted to strok his cheek, but Taekwoon moved away, frowning. He looked at him in such a strange, cool way. "Taekwoon?"

"Who you are?"

Hakyeon's heart trembled.

"It's me, Hakyeon, don't you remember me?"

Taekwoon blinked.

"No... No, I'm sorry. I don't remember... Where am I? What happened? Hongbin?"

Hakyeon sat still. He let Taekwoon take his hand.

Hongbin stepped closer and looked at Hakyeon with concern.

"You had an accident and you are at home with us. Everything is all right. The doctor will come soon." Hongbin touched Hakyeon's arm. He flinched. "Go get your father, Hakyeon."

"Yes... yes." Hakyeon was, as if in a trance. He stood up and left the room.

 

Taekwoon couldn't remember who he was. Hakyeon still saw the eyes of his beloved, who was cold, confused and distant.

 

Hakyeon gritted his teeth and went to get his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This is a poem "Frozen Love" by Hwang Jini.  
> Translation from: http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/opinon/2009/06/246_23684.html


	7. Chapter 7

Hakyeon called his father. He waited for him in front of the room and tried not to think about what had happened. Although his heart ached, the soul was torn and he wanted to cry, he had to persevere. He knew that a head injury can cause memory loss. He knew it because he was the son of a doctor and he also attended to a medical school.  
He knew. These were the facts.  
And yet, it hurt. It hurt how Taekwoon looked like when he saw him. He was looking at Hakyeon as if he was a stranger. As on someone who is no one for him and sees him for the first time in his life.  
Hakyeon felt how fast his heart beats. He waited too much. He shouldn't have expected a joy or a first kiss after waiting so long.  
He shouldn't have expected it. And yet, he waited. He hoped. He thought that when Taekwoon woke up, they would be able to talk for a while, enjoy the fact that they were together despite everything. That death wasn't able to separate them. And yet, their memory separated them.  
"Hakyeon." he heard a cool voice and his father stood beside him. Hakyeon looked at him without emotion.  
"Yes, let's go."  
"How is your friend?"  
"He doesn't remember me. It's a partial loss of memory, I think he doesn't remember anything from the last 10 months."  
"I understand."  
They walked down the corridor in silence. Hakyeon didn't want to show how much he suffered, so he took a deep breath and put on a mask of indifference on his face.  
He was afraid that his father wouldn't understand this. He didn't want to stress Taekwoon too, nor did he want to worry the others. Although he expected Hongbin to be suspicious. Hongbin was too clever and he saw many things.  
He was his best friend here. And somehow he knew Hakyeon so well in such a short time.  
Thanks to him he was able to stand it, but he couldn't deceive himself. He wanted to leave. He was angry and resentful. Taekwoon didn't remember him.  
Nothing else meant to him. The man he loved, for whom he was willing to die, didn't even remember his name.

They were on place.  
Hakyeon stayed outside and leaned against the wall next to the door. He didn't have enough strength to enter. He couldn't look into his beloved's face and see embarrassment in his eyes.

Hakyeon's father introduced himself and told Taekwoon what was happening to him from a medical point of view.  
It took some time. Dr. Cha was a very scrupulous man and he didn't miss anything. But he used words that everyone could understand. He really was a good doctor, caring about the patient.  
He knew that the medical language wasn't for everyone.

"This man." Hakyeon heard Taekwoon's voice.  
He closed his eyes, trying to fight with tears. He swallowed hard through his throat. He clenched his jaw so much that it began to ache.  
"Hakyeon." Hongbin corrected him.  
"Yes, Hakyeon, I don't remember him, but it seems that we are friends..."  
"Yes, you are." Hongbin continued.  
"Please don't worry." Hakyeon's father said. "Remember please, that the injury was dangerous, the operation was difficult, it's a miracle that you are alive, and the loss of memory is temporary. Rest, please, don't strain your mind."  
“I will, doctor. Thank you.” Taekwoon’s voice was soft and pretty quiet.  
"How can we help him to remember?" Jaehwan asked.  
"Slowly, it's best to start with the last memory. But not today, and not the next few days. Now the rest is the most important thing: the muscles are weakened and Mr. Jung has to strengthen them. Also the rich diet is important."  
"We will do what is needed." Hongbin assured.  
"But now I would like to examine the patient." doctor said.  
The rest of the people nodded quietly and left the room one by one.  
Hongbin met Hakyeon's eyes. And Hakyeon was aware that Hongbin knew immediately what was happening in his head and heart.  
It's possible that Hongbin knew him better than Hakyeon knew himself.  
The door closed.  
Hakyeon could see their faces. Wonshik had red eyes full of tears. He was so sensitive and loving. He could melt every heart. But he looked so strong at the same time. Still, he was more honest about his feelings now, where Hakyeon preferred to stay indifferent. He tried to act calm.  
Sanghyuk was silent. He looked like a small, lost boy.  
He hasn't said much in the last weeks. Yes, he tried to behave as always. To be cheerful and energetic, but Hakyeon suspected he was afraid. He spent the most time with them all, with Taekwoon. He knew a lot about him.  
Jaehwan put his arm around him gently. The boy didn't move away. He just stood there.  
"Don't worry, it's all over." Jaehwan said to him.  
"I know, and that's why I feel the tension coming out of me now. I've been waiting for this day and I'm glad he's okay, but..." he stopped and closed his eyes.  
Yes, he still was just a boy.  
"Sanghyuk..." Hongbin whispered.  
"I told him many things I regret for which I didn't apologize to him. I was afraid that if he didn't wake up, I wouldn't be able to apologize to him."  
"But you will be able to talk soon." Jaehwan smiled. Such a strange view. So rare. Hakyeon had to admit that Jaehwan had a beautiful smile. It was like a sun after dark and cold storm.  
How many things he didn't see.  
"I know... I need a drink."  
"No way..."  
"Jaehwan." Sanghyuk looked at him for a long time. The man sighed and looked at Hakyeon, Hongbin and Wonshik. They left without a word. Jaehwan still embraced Sanghyuk.  
Such a simple, caring gesture. Did Hakyeon cared enough about Taekwoon? Maybe he cared more about himself?

Hongbin and Hakyeon sat together in the reading room. The smell of books hovered in the air. The rough smell of paper from hundreds of books that have been read many times. The paper was already yellowed. Hakyeon saw dust particles floating in the ray of light entering the window.  
Silence reigned here. Omnipresent, heavy. He felt like he was deaf, but he could hear the beating of his own heart. For a moment he thought it sounded like broken glass.  
Or maybe he was falling apart? He was trapped in this wave of feelings, in his own head.  
And he was constantly asked himself: did I do enough for Taekwoon? Should I really be here?

"Hakyeon." a soft voice pulled him out of his reverie. He shuddered and looked at Hongbin. His eyes were burning, he felt tired. He felt like someone was squeezing his skull from inside and at the same time as if someone tried to squeeze his eyes inside.  
He saw black spots.  
He rubbed his eyes.  
He will explode soon. He felt it gather in his throat.  
He stood motionless, only massaging his eyes.  
"Hakyeon, everything will be fine."  
"Really?"  
"Your father said it's temporary, it must have been a shock to the body. It's only defence system of Takewoon's body."  
"Yes, he defends himself because it's my fault."  
"What?"  
"If it were not for me, none of this would happen."  
Hongbin sighed.  
"Do not say that. It's not your fault. You didn't have any influence on it. No one could have predicted what would happen, and I'm not saying that to improve your mood. That's a fact. "  
Hakyeon lowered his hands. His hands dropped limply along his body.  
"Yes, Fact. Hongbin, I think I should leave. I shouldn't be here."  
"Why?"  
"Taekwoon doesn't remember me. But I know he will try, and I don't want him to suffer, maybe even better if he never remembers me..." Hakyeon was determined. He thought it would be best. Time healed wounds. Hakyeon will return to the university, he will focus on study. He will be the son his father always wanted.  
"You moron."  
Hakyeon looked at Hongbin surprised and didn't understand what he had heard. Hongbin took advantage of the moment of surprise and continued:  
"You selfish bastard."  
"Hongbin?"  
"I wanted to deny everything my brother said, but I see that he was probably right, everything has always revolved around you. Since you've appeared, the whole world has had to focus on you."  
It hurts.  
Hakyeon looked at the carpet. Heavy tears ran down his cheeks.  
"I accepted this because Taekwoon was happy. Do you even care about him?!"  
"Of course I care about him!"  
"Really?! Because it looks different to me. Something is out of your mind and you want to go away."  
"I've been waiting for him..."  
"And now you want to leave."  
There was silence.  
Hakyeon wanted to vomiting.  
"What should I do?" Hakyeon asked.  
"I don't know. You are an adult, right?" Hongbin's voice wasn't as gentle as it always was. "Do what you want. You have already run away from your problems, now you want to do it again. Then go, get the heart of someone else, and then run again when something goes wrong. We'll take care of Taekwoon. "  
"Hongbin, it's not like this..."  
"No, you got everything from us, Hakyeon, a roof over your head, food, even clothes... Taekwoon gave you a lot more, but you... " Hongbin looked like only common sense would keep him from shouting. His face was tense. "Yes, maybe you're right. Maybe you should leave."  
"I'm just afraid!"  
"We are all, but we don't run away! You said you loved him, that you were ready to die for him, and now you want to leave because he doesn't remember you. Do you even know him, Hakyeon?"  
"I..." Hakyeon fell silent. No. He didn't know Taekwoon.  
He felt his legs getting soft and he could hardly stand. His body was shaking.  
"Just as I thought." Hongbin whispered. It was a cold and insensitive whisper. As if all the anger that Hongbin held in him got out in the form of that whisper. Hakyeon felt a shiver on his back.  
Hongbin turned to leave the room.  
"I understand that I'm no longer welcome here." Hakyeon spoke.  
Hongbin stopped at the door, but turned his head.  
"You see, you don't understand anything. Do whatever you want."  
Hakyeon was left alone.  
And when the door closed, the dam cracked. Hakyeon sat on the chair and hid his face in his hands. He cried. He cried so much that he almost ran out of air. He was choking. He barely got to the window he opened and took the cold air.  
For one brief moment, he wanted to die.  
He sat in this room for a long time. Nobody was looking for him. On the one hand, it was okay fo him because he wanted to be alone. But on the other hand, he wanted someone to come. That he could shout that he didn't need anything. He wanted to ignore someone's concern to feel better.  
And then he understood what Hongbin might mean. Indeed, Hakyeon was selfish.  
And that's why he should leave.  
He didn't deserve Taekwoon.  
He didn't deserve anyone.

He was tired, so he wanted to lie down. It was late evening, way after time for supper, but when he passed the dining room, he heard Jaehwan's voice.  
"I don't know, Hongbin, you know my opinion."  
"I'm mad at him, but that doesn't mean I don't want him here. Someday, Taekwoon will remember, I know it." Hongbin sounded like always. Warm, caring voice.  
Hakyeon didn't deserve it.  
"You keep defending him, although you agreed with me." Jaehwan raised his voice.  
"I just agree that Hakyeon likes to be the center of attention."  
"He doesn't know anything about Taekwoon, and you must agree with that too."  
"Yes, unfortunately I have to."  
"You see." the sound of a glass on the table top. "When I found out who he was, everything was clear. Son of the rich doctor. Boy who escaped because he didn't like the rich life and thought he knew what life should be like. He met Taekwoon, they fucked, he liked it and suddenly they had a great love. Now, when Taekwoon really needs him, he wants to run again. Oh let him run! I'll give him a horse as a gift. And stop defending him! "  
"Don't use such strong words, Jaehwan. Hakyeon is not as ruthless as you think. He really could burn then."  
"Yeah, Taekwoon should have left him with burning wounds."  
"Jaehwan!"  
"I'm just saying that this city shows him how real life looks like, but Hakyeon can't figure it out. Let him go. It's better for everyone."  
Hakyeon didn't want to hear more, he went to the bedroom and wanted to pack his things, but he understood that he didn't have anything.  
The Lee brothers gave him everything he had. They never demanded anything in return.  
Hakyeon was a bad man. He and Taekwoon had nothing except physical attachment, and that terrified him.  
He was addicted to pleasure, because then he felt free. But he didn't know anything about Taekwoon's life.  
They never talked.  
They both avoided talking about their lives, they both wanted to escape. But Hakyeon was much worse.

He couldn't fall asleep. He may have had a fever, but he didn't care. He felt something burn from inside. It was as if some kind of monster would tear him to shreds and leave him only as a shadow. Full of regret and pain. A ghost that wanders around the world, unable to feel peace.

He could come back with his father, but he stays here a few more days to watch Taekwoon.  
So Hakyeon will go alone.  
When it dawned, he got up, dressed, and walked slowly through the house.  
He passed the bedroom he shared with Taekwoon. He passed the studio.  
And then he left the house.  
There was fog all around and silence. And he just walked.  
After a moment, small droplets of dew settled on his hair, arms and face. And he just walked.  
He saw the gate in front of him. When he passes it, everyone will be better.  
Without his selfishness.  
He was so close. He extended his hand.  
"Hakyeon!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Will you finally talk to me, Hakyeon?" he heard suddenly.

It was Sanghyuk. His eyes were still drowsy, barely open. His young face was ruddy. Messy hair. Hakyeon almost envied him.

  
"What are you doing here?" Hakyeon asked. "Go home."  
"I can ask you the same."  
"I'm just going for a walk, I have to think." Hakyeon looked away. He didn't want to show that he was lying. But the younger wasn't that stupid.  
"Hakyeon, come home, and don't lie. I know what Jaehwan said, and I know you could have heard it. Everyone are angry, but running away is not a solution."  
"Sanghyuk... you don't know..."  
"I don't know," the boy said, "I know Taekwoon longer than all of you. What happened has also affected me. But one thing I can say. Since you appeared in his life, he began to be healthier, happier. He found the meaning of his life."  
Hakyeon felt his eyes pinch. The throat tightened so much that he could hardly swallow. Every word was like a dagger in his heart.  
"I don't deserve him." Hakyeon whispered. "I don't even know him. It was all just a dream, we were together, but... it just seems to be a lie."  
"Hakyeon, for fuck sake!" Sanghyuk shouted. His voice echoed over the fog-covered area. Somewhere in the distance, crows could be heard.  
Hakyeon looked at the boy in shock. He saw the tears in Sanghyuk's eyes and it was a picture that could take his soul away.  
"Open your eyes!" Sanghyuk continued. "Taekwoon is alive, he has lost his memory, but it's temporary. He will ask for you, he knows that you were together. He will see it sooner or later. Do you really think that you will help him that way? Running away? What is this argument at all that you don't know him?"  
Hakyeon opened his mouth but closed it again. He didn't know what to answer. He stood with his hands down on his sides, like a student who was scolding by a teacher.  
Sanghyuk didn't intend to stop:  
"If you don't know him, get to know him. If you think you don't deserve him, change it. If you feel pain in your heart at the thought of parting, stay, because you share this pain together. And still, there's Minyul too."  
For Hakyeon it was like a cold bucket of water. He looked at Sanghyuk and the quick movement of his head shook off the tears from his eyelashes.  
"Minyul." Hakyeon whispered.  
Sanghyuk pursed his lips for a moment.  
"Yes, that's it - will you leave him, too? Although he's not part of the story at all?"  
Hakyeon covered his face with his hands. His muscles ached, his stomach and head ached. It was like he is gonna explode in any minute.  
"You have a loving and soft heart, Hakyeon, you're gentle, and that's what Taekwoon needs. But you can be strong too, we all know that. Don't give up now when the worst is behind us. What are you doing?"

  
"I'm sorry."

  
"Don't apologize to me, ask him for forgiveness! And what Jaehwan says... I'll take care of it, even if he's disagreeable and angry with you, he has no right to throw you out. Taekwoon needs you, whether he wants it or not. So go inside and stop feeling guilty. If you want to blame someone, blame Nguyễn, he didn't stop Lee when he had the opportunity."  
"Yes it's true." Hakyeon felt a new fire in him. He didn't want to use it as a reason to look better, but Hakyeon needed the source of the problem. And he knew it was Nguyễn. From the very beginning.  
"Then come in. Me and Wonshik will have breakfast with you, the Lee brothers need time to understand some things too." Sanghyuk turned slowly and started walking to the mansion. "Are you going?"  
"Yes." Hakyeon took a step.  
His legs seemed made of stone, but every next step was lighter. And when they were inside, feeling the warmth and smell of wood, Hakyeon was finally breathing freely. Maybe everything is not lost yet.  
They ate breakfast in silence. Hakyeon still felt the pressure in his stomach and the bitterness of guilt in his mouth, especially when he was looking at Minyul. The boy wasn't guilty of anything and Hakyeon wanted to look after him.

  
And in the rapture of his stupidity he would also leave this boy.

  
The boy was smiling at him, his cheeks were round and soft. He was so innocent.  
Hakyeon was also thinking about what Sanghyuk had said, and yes, he was right. Hakyeon's feelings were like a rough sea. He couldn't find the way to the surface and was constantly torn by other waves.  
But Hakyeon also remembered that Taekwoon was ready to go into the fire that day when he thought Hakyeon was dead.  
And that made Hakyeon uncomfortable. He had to fix it. He had to try his best to deserve what Taekwoon felt for him.

So Hakyeon was at home all the time and saw Taekwoon only for a short moment. They exchanged polite greetings and Hakyeon wasn't brave enough to look him in the eyes. But he knew that Taekwoon was watching him closely.  
It was like the silence before the storm.  
Something was in the air. Only he didn't know what it was.  
But soon the day will come when everything will be explained.

"I understand that you are staying?" his father asked in a stern tone. Hakyeon must have been a big disappointment for him.  
"Yes, I want to help."  
Silence lasted. Hakyeon felt his hair stand up, but he didn't dare look in the eyes of his father.  
"I don't know what to think about it, Hakyeon. Your decisions don't seem to be rational. Running away, then comeback, this little boy... I don't know what is your reason, but I don't have any influence on it. If you ever want to come home, you need to count with the consequences. I can't tolerate everything, Hakyeon." his tone was flat.  
"In that case it's possible that I will never come back." for the first time Hakyeon dared to look at his father. The tension between them was too strong, thick. So many insinuations and misunderstandings, but his father will never understand.  
"I expected you to make a wise decision." father continued.  
"I apologize for using you... but this man means more to me than you can imagine, even if it means that I let you down and you will condemn me for the rest of my life, I will not regret it."  
"You still don't understand, you are my only son. I did everything I could for you... And you still reject me."  
"I just know you want me to come back, but I can't. Not now. Possible that never."  
"Why? Wait until your friend recovers and come back."  
Hakyeon clenched his fists.  
"I can't leave him, I..." he shivered. His body was like ice. "I love him and he loves me, we must stay together."  
His father's face changed color from pale to red. It was a shock and Hakyeon knew. His father was silent and seemed made of stone.  
"That's why I can't go back. There's no place in that world for me. But I've found my own world here. Please, let me be here."  
Father kept silent. Then he took his coat and his bag and headed towards the exit.  
And that was their farewell. Without words.  
When the door closed, Hakyeon felt the emptiness in his heart. It was possible that he saw his father for the last time.  
He wanted to cry, because he didn't want to say goodbye, but as usual, the father decided himself.  
Hakyeon felt a small hand that grabs his fingers. Minyul stood beside him and stared down at him. Hakyeon smiled and took him in his arms, hugging tight.  
"Everything will be fine."

* * *

 

Next days passed.

  
Hakyeon didn't talk to Hongbin or Jaehwan. He rather avoided them, but the two didn't look for his company as well. And it was fine. It was the only compromise they could achieve.  
Hakyeon preferred to focus on looking after Minyul. The boy needed a lot of attention and when the days were getting warmer, they stayed outside a lot. He liked to watch the clouds and show them with his finger. He still didn't say much, but he was more lively and communicative than before. He watched the flowers and Hakyeon told him what their name was. They also tried to draw. They ate together, and then the boy fell asleep in his arms.  
Hakyeon wanted to teach him a lot, that's why he read and told him a lot. He also believed that the boy would start talking more and more.  
But he liked to play outside the most, throwing the ball. Hakyeon tried not to throw too much, considering that Minyul was small. But once the ball went too far and the boy ran deep into the garden.  
"Minyul!" Hakyeon cried, running after him.  
Nearby, just behind the tall shrubs sat Taekwon. His black hair shone in the sun, but his skin was still pale and gray. He sat there on the chaise longue, his feet covered with a blanket. He grabbed the ball and looked towards Minyul.

  
The boy stopped motionless and raised his fingers to his lips. Nervous reflex.

  
Hakyeon froze, shivering behind one of the trees.  
"It's your ball?" Taekwoon asked. Hakyeon didn't know how to react. He didn't have much opportunity to hear his voice. This gentle, soft voice. He missed it. He missed it so much.  
"You had to run long to catch it, please, take it." Taekwoon continued. Minyul timidly took one step, then another. In the end he stood close enough to take his ball.  
Taekwoon smiled and although he was still very weak, he looked beautiful.  
Hakyeon had to bite his lip to stop the emotions he felt. That was so much.  
See him so close, his smile, hear his voice. It was difficult, but Hakyeon knew that nothing of it was easy. And it won't be.  
But there was something warm in his heart that gave him hope for a better tomorrow. Maybe Sanghyuk was right and this whole nightmare is just in Hakyeon's head? Maybe all the demons that had mastered his mind couldn't control it at all? He wanted to fight. Finally he really felt that he wanted to fight for it.  
From that day Minyul often fled to Taekwoon's room and sat there for hours. Taekwoon read it aloud or drew it. Minyul himself liked it very much.

And so the real spring has come.

And although Hakyeon was happy that the boy apparently found himself a perfect companion, he still felt hurt.  
He didn't have anything to do now except the basic things he had done so far. Maybe he should find a job and stop living at the expense of others.  
But he didn't know what he could do. Because Minyul didn't leave Taekwoon's side, and spent almost every moment with him, Hakyeon decided he had to go to the town and seize the opportunity to finally get back on his feet.  
He went from place to place and asked if anyone needed help. But either he didn't have the skills, or the job was already taken.  
But he didn't give up. The thought of Taekwoon, who was recovering from day to day, gave him strength.  
And even when he passed the ruins of the house in which he almost died, it didn't depress him. It motivated him even more. They've gone too much to just give up. Especially when they had what is most important. Life.  
Hayeon stopped when he saw the boy hidden around the corner. He looked at Hakyeon and expected him to come in his direction. Hakyeon didn't know this boy and he was full of suspicions, but eventually he approached.

  
"Do I know you?" Hakyeon asked.  
"No." The boy shook his head. "But I was sent with the message that there is a job for you, sir."  
"Oh? Really? Where?"  
"There." the boy showed up on the building. Hakyeon stopped smiling when it turned out to be a gallery. He wanted to refuse at first, but he knew it wasn't a boy's fault. He gave him a gold coin and let him go, and Hakyeon went to the gallery to face Nguyễn.

  
The gallery hasn't changed much. But there were many more people here than before. People crowded under Taekwoon's paintings and the sight of it made Hakyeon tremble. So many memories, so many emotions were closed in these paintings. And their own story, which they had to write again.  
Nguyễn looked different. If it wasn't for a silk, expensive outfit, he wouldn't even recognize him. His hair was no longer long and silver, but short and black. His sharp features became more visible.

  
"Hakyeon." Nguyễn greeted him with a small smile. "Do you want to hit me in a face first and then talk to me?"  
"Don't make fun of me." Hakyeon said sharply than he had planned, but he didn't regret it.  
"I don't, I understand your frustration and anger. I really do. And yes, it's my fault. I won't deny. I'm stuck with greed and the belief that I have control over everything. But Lee is imprisoned, and everyone who helped him was found. You won't see him again."  
"Good."  
"Yes." Nguyễn sighed. "Back to the point. My little birds told me that you were looking for a job. I would have an offer for you if you are interested."  
"Working for you is the last thing I want."  
"I understand, but maybe you will at least listen to what I have to offer?"  
Hakyeon was silent. He didn't want to, but maybe it was the only chance.  
Nguyễn smiled at the permission.  
"As you know, I'm always looking for new works of art. Sometimes I have to go very far and I'm not present for months. I need someone who would take care of this place for me. I thought about you. This place belongs to you and Taekwoon. History, what is presented on the canvas, is interesting for people. I can't see a better person who could look after this place better than you, Hakyeon."  
He blinked, surprised by the offer. He didn't expect this type of work. In truth, he didn't know what to expect. Anger mixed with hope. He didn't know if he should blame and hate Nguyễn for what had happened... Or maybe he should give him some credit for Taekwoon's open way to his dreams.  
"What do you mean?" Hakyeon asked. "Taking care of this place?"  
"Well, make sure that the gallery is open and closed every day at the same hour. Employees must receive a payment. Protecting the exhibits... but I know you're good at it. Taking care about things and about people. So how will it be?"  
"I'm supposed to take care of this place when you are not here. For no one knows how long. What about when you come back?"  
"Nothing will change. I want this place to belong to you."  
"Why?"  
"Because you gave me one important lesson, please, take this from me. I have the documents prepared."

  
Hakyeon still hesitated.

  
"Hakyeon, I know you came here to look for your own place, a reason you could live in. That could be it. What else would you like to do?" Nguyễn didn't intend to give in.  
But Hakyeon couldn't deny that, yes, he was looking for his own place  
in this world and job that would give him the feeling that he is useful. And here he can look after what is valuable to him. If Taekwoon doesn't regain his memories, these canvases will be the only remnants of what has been theirs.

  
Before they write their story anew.

  
Hakyeon signed the documents with fear in his heart, but when he came home with a bunch of keys in his hand, he felt a strange calm. How complicated this path must have been that he had arrived here, in this place. In that time.  
And even if the gallery wasn't his biggest dream, there were Taekwoon's paintings there and nothing more mattered. Only he.  
With hope, he went upstairs and wanted to check how Minyul was doing. The door to Taekwoon's room was open and Hakyeon saw him sitting and watching something. Minyul slept at his side, a sweet and innocent dream.

  
Hakyeon smiled. They both did well, so he didn't have to worry about anything.  
Everything had to be well and he would do everything in his power to make it happen.  
He wanted to leave to let them rest...

  
"Will you finally talk to me, Hakyeon?" he heard suddenly.

  
That voice made him freeze. His heart beat so quickly and painfully that he felt dizzy. He closed his eyes for a moment and leaned against the wall.  
And then he took a step towards the entrance. It was a time when he should stop being afraid. It was a time when he should be brave enough to look his love in the eyes. Even if this love was one-sided at this moment.

  
So he dared to look at Taekwoon. He was smiling gently. His eyes were shiny. Then Hakyeon saw what Taekwoon was holding on his knees.  
Sketchbook. Full of sketches of Hakyeon's face and body.  
"I avoided you for many reasons." Hakyeon said.  
"I understand, but I would like you to help me."  
Hakyeon took a short sigh.  
"I'll do what I can." Hakyeon nodded and sat in a chair next to the bed.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hakyeon?" his voice was soft. "I want to try something."

The silence wasn’t awkward. Which was surprising for Hakyeon. But they were here, together, sitting close to each other and looking at each other. Hakyeon could admire his face forever, even if it caused some shyness, he couldn't take his eyes off.  
Taekwoon, however, was full of interest. Confusion and unintelligible disappeared from his eyes, and that's what Hakyeon feared the most. See rejection in his eyes. But now, Hakyeon was sure most of it was just his misconception.  
It was still the same Taekwon. His true and only love. A new wave of emotions flooded his heart. It was warm, good, refreshing. He felt like he came out of the thick fog. As if he woke up after a long sleep.  
Sanghyuk was right. This young boy had more sense than he, an adult man. It is also possible that Jaehwan was right, though of course his reluctance was still surprisingly strong. Hongbin was right too.  
Hakyeon, a fool, allowed himself dark thoughts. He betrayed not only Taekwoon, but above all himself. Hakyeon now understood that it was a second chance for him. He wanted to take care of what was the most precious to him.

  
"All good?" a voice rang out of his thoughts, and Hakyeon shuddered slightly.  
"Yes, I was thinking. I see that Minyul likes you very much." Hakyeon looked at the sleeping boy. His lips were slightly open, breathing loudly and evenly.  
Taekwoon smiled and stroked Minyul's hair.  
"He's a good boy, good companion, everyone seems busy or they don't want to disturb me... And I feel lonely by that."  
Hakyeon felt a shiver on his back. He didn't take this into account. He didn't think about how lonely Taekwoon must feel. Everyone was so careful to protect him, avoiding conversations with him, so as not to cause damage, while Taekwoon needed this company.  
"The point is to not cause a shock if your memories come back." Hakyeon said. "Nobody wants bad, but... I know what you mean. I want to apologize for myself. I panicked." Hakyeon shook his head. "When you looked at me as a stranger, after all these months of waiting for you... Something broke in me, and it pulled me down more and more. Darkness swallowed me so much that I didn't take into account how you feel." Hakyeon felt tears in his eyes and pressed his hands to wipe them. "It's all so horrible."  
"No, it's not." Taekwoon's voice was so calm and soft. Hakyeon looked at him. "This is a difficult situation and I don't understand many things. Hongbin doesn't want to tell me anything but generics. Jaehwan is very kind, Sanghyuk and Wonshik behave as if I was made of porcelain... And here you are." Taekwoon looked at the sketchbook. "A beautiful man on the point of which I obviously have an obsession."  
Hakyeon blushed hard. Harder than he could have expected. It surprised him.  
"I don't know..." Hakyeon whispered.  
"Doesn’t that look like obsession?" Taekwoon raised his sketchbook. Both sides were filled with sketches of faces, hands and eyes. There were even more on the following pages. Including sketches of the whole body. When Hakyeon slept, sat, ate...  
"You are an artist, from what you said, my beauty suits you..." Hakyeon wanted to explain it somehow.  
"Certainly, even now I want to take a brush. But I think it's more than that. Anyay, I tried to paint, but my head hurts from the smell of paint, so I guess I have to wait... There are more important things. I want to start from the beginning. I want to remember. I want to know when I was making these sketches. That's why..." Taekwoon put down his sketchbook and reached hand to Hakyeon. "Jung Taekwoon."  
Hakyeon was confused for a moment, but then he remembered that this was what Sanghyuk also recommended him. Get to know each other again from the very beginning. Fill the gaps where they appeared.  
"Cha Hakyeon." he replied with a smile.  
They held hands for a moment. It was pleasant.  
"It's familiar." Taekwoon said. "The touch of your skin. We were close, right? So that's understandable. "  
"I think so."  
"When I cooled down after waking up, every day I had some feeling that I couldn't understand, but now I know you were the reason."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I felt a longing, an incomprehensible longing. But now that you are here, I feel calm, but I think it's normal considering how close we were to each other."  
"Actually, it bothers me a bit." Hakyeon said, Taekwoon frowned. "I think we were close physically."  
"I can't tell you because I don't remember, but I dare draw the conclusion that you are wrong. I know how I feel. I feel whole when you are here even if I don't remember you. I don't think that the bond was only physical."

  
Hakyeon pursed his lips. He wanted to argue, but he also wanted to learn from mistakes so he gave it a moment. There was no need to make hasty conclusions if he didn't have enough arguments. Taekwoon wanted his company, he wanted to meet him from the beginning and Hakyeon wanted the same. It was a fact. So instead of letting negative emotions overwhelm him, he had to face it. Even if it was difficult to him.  
And was there a better way than talking?

  
"I hate how I feel." Hakyeon said. "I feel impatience but at the same time I feel fear and I don't know what to do. On the one hand I want to find a place where I feel comfortable and on the other hand, I think, that I'm behaving selfishly." he sighed and shook his head. "I want to apologize for everything, but I feel something rebellious in my heart. I can't explain it."  
Silence lasted for a short moment. And then Taekwoon spoke in a soft voice:  
"I think that you are too strict for yourself. You have the right to feel this way. I don't understand why you doubt in us, in what unites us. I think we are still connected. I'm confused as well and my heart trembles, but I'm tired of trying to find you in my memory, which doesn't mean that I want to stop trying. I also have the right to feel tired."  
"Of course, yes, you are the most disadvantaged here."  
"No. We all are. No one's worse or better here. Fate put us in a very big test. The question is if you want to give up so easily."  
Hakyeon looked at Taekwon. He felt the warmth and love that he still had in himself. He had so much. He wanted to embrace him and kiss him. He wanted to lie next to him and look at him for hours. He didn't need anything more. Taekwoon was his air and light. Without it, he would suffocate and die in the dark. And he knew that Taekwoon felt the same to him.  
"I don't want to give up." Hakyeon said.  
"So, can you tell me something? As I mentioned, they told me everything in general, but how did we meet each other? "  
Hakyeon smiled involuntarily.  
"You thought I was a girl."  
"Oh?"  
"Sanghyuk helped me find a job, I was supposed to pose for the paintings, and you expected to see the girl model. The client ordered an act, and it was very embarrassing for a moment. You seemed so rough and angry. But you have been successful. And we've been working together since then." Hakyeon paused for a moment. "I asked you a lot later when you felt you fell in love with me and you said it was basically the first day. But it was our first kiss that made you aware of it, though you didn't want to say it out loud. You kept a lot of things in silence. It was a tension. It wasn't easy for us from the very beginning."  
"Sounds like me." Taekwoon sighed. "I'm sorry I'm like that, I'll try to be better."  
"No, you're fine, we're fine."  
Taekwoon was silent, looking at one point somewhere. Hakyeon began to worry that something was wrong.  
"There was fire."  
Hakyeon felt his muscles tense.  
"Yes, your house was burned, it was Lee's job."  
"Mh."  
"Are you all right?"  
"I remember the fire, but it's like a scene from a dream. I feel bad."  
"Maybe it's enough for today. It was a lot, just for once." Hakyeon rose to leave his room.  
"I feel torn, this fire... it must have been something horrible."  
He thought for a moment whether to say it and wasn't sure, but he did it anyway.  
"You celebrated with friends, I stayed at home, I almost burned alive inside."  
Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon quickly. His eyes were red and watery. There was anger, despair and misunderstanding in them.  
"How can I not remember this? Ah!" he grabbed his head.  
"Taekwoon, that's too much, I don't want cause a shock." Hakyeon grabbed the handle.  
"I'm an adult man. Also I've had a long conversation with a doctor, your father, so I know where my limit is. We'll talk again tomorrow, it's time for me to move. I want to go to the town, I want to see this place."  
"Taekwoon..."  
"Please, I need it. I need to try to remember..."  
"Fine." a quiet sigh. "I will go to the town with you, but please, now rest."  
Taekwoon nodded.  
"I will."

When Hakyeon returned to his room and he was in bed finally, all the emotions he held back so far, flooded him with a huge and heavy wave. It covered him and overwhelmed him, but he felt better with each tear. He cried in the pillow for a while. He cried with happiness and gratitude that Sanghyuk had stopped his stupidity.  
Hakyeon could have been far, unhappy, broken. Poorly trying to breathe every day.  
And Taekwoon was alive and Hakyeon should be happy about it. He was angry at himself that he behaved like a child. Minyul was more mature than he was. But now he had to reflect and help not only his beloved person, but also a friend.

He wanted to believe that Taekwoon was sure of his decisions. Hakyeon doubted too many times in his life. He doubted his family, friends, into himself. He now had to learn to trust and believe.

But it’s a long journey and now Hakyeon was anxious. While waiting for Taekwoon in front of the house, he had a million thoughts. What if something bad happens? What if Taekwoon gets shocked and loses his memory completely?  
It could happen. Hakyeon read about it and couldn't stop thinking about it. But he also wanted to trust Taekwoon. He has to.  
"Ready?" he heard and turned away.  
He was still pale and his eyes were tired. But Hakyeon decided to trust him. If he felt strong, there were no obstacles to leave the house.  
"Yes, if you are." Hakyeon replied. Taekwoon sighed and rolled his eyes. It was such a familiar gesture.  
"I will tell you what I said to the rest. I feel well today. I want to leave the house because I have to go back to a normal life. If I feel that I'm weak, I will tell you about it." he grunted and passed Hakyeon. He was angry, but Hakyeon smiled anyway.  
Yes, it was still the same Taekwoon he knew.  
They got into the carriage.

Being beside Taekwoon seemed so unreal to him. He was glad, honestly, he was. And it was a relief, because until now he was tired of constant guilt and fear that everything had been lost. And yet, they were here together. They stood in the rubble of the house where everything began. But Hakyeon could only look at him. This house, it was just a building. Memories were more important, and memories belonged to people. And yes, he should help Taekwoon remember as much as he could. Because memory is all that's left to them.  
Hakyeon looked down. In the ground he saw a piece of the bowl in which Taekwoon mixed dyes. Hakyeon smiled because he remembered when he was teaching him. Hakyeon was so intimidated by the closeness of an unusual artist.  
"Do you remember something?" Hakyeon asked.  
Taekwoon shook his head.  
"No. Only the fire, yes, and I remember the feeling that accompanied me then." Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon. "You were scared, right?"  
"I was terrified, but not a vision of death in agony, only that I will never see you again." Hakyeon smiled weakly. "It seems so childish and naive... But it was like that, it's still like that, I couldn't lose you and that's why... I want to apologize to you, I wanted to leave you, I thought that if you don't remember me... I shouldn't stay."  
"It's good that you stayed. Without you, I probably wouldn't make any progress. And I would feel worse and worse. I waited for a moment when you would come closer to just talk to you. But I saw you avoiding me. Now I understand why. Thank you for telling me."  
"Yes, I... We both learn a lot, I think."  
"Every cloud has a silver lining."  
Hakyeon smiled.  
“Yes. I think the same.”  
“Mh. Anyway, it seems to me that this place means nothing to me, that's why I can’t remember anything. Do you have any other suggestions?"  
Hakyeon shook his head.  
"We could go to the gallery, but to tell the truth, I don't know if it's a good idea. Maybe instead of looking for memories, let's take a walk, let's talk... I think that the memory will come back alone, but when it's not forced."  
"You're right, I don't want to go to the gallery either."  
"Let's go where we've never been, for example to the park."  
Taekwoon blinked.  
"I've lived in this city for years and have never been there." his voice was surprised.  
"You see? It's time for new memories, let's say the previous ones... got lost somewhere and they won't come back, we can't get stuck in the past. You live and that's the most important thing."  
"Mh."  
Hakyeon smiled again.

The park was almost empty. A few children playing near the pond. A few couples walking in the distance.  
After a short walk they found a bench where they could see the larger side of the park. The sun lazily penetrated the young green leaves. The air was clean, fresh. A bit cold but pleasant.  
One of the boys ran after the ball and fell. His mother ran up and grabbed him. The boy was in tears.  
Taekwoon chuckled.  
"Taekwoon?" Hakyeon was confused.  
"When I was little and I was playing with the ball... I fell over like this boy, with the difference that I almost broke all my teeth."  
"Oh God. But... you had to suffer."  
"I don't remember, but I know I didn't have my front teeth and I only had fangs. I looked like a weird bloodsucker."  
Hakyeon laughed. He covered his mouth to muffle it.  
"Now it seems very funny to me. I looked ridiculous, it was good that they were milks."  
"Taekwoon, please..." Hakyeon was still laughing. His shoulders were trembling, tears appeared in his eyes. When he only imagined Taekwoon, grinning with small fangs, he would explode with another wave of laughter.  
"Of course, laugh at my adolescent misery."  
"I'm sorry, but you said it was funny." Hakyeon sighed, wiping his eyes.  
"It's a bit, it's true. My mother was terrified, the clothes were all blood and my father was furious, as always."  
Hakyeon became serious for a moment. These were things that they never talked about. They didn't know these pages of their lives.  
"You once said that you don't like women. You only loved one."  
"Mh. I was one big disappointment for everyone, I was never good enough, only she had any affection for me. When she started to get sick she gave me her necklace with a big precious stone. It was the only valuable thing I had when I left the house after I wanted to paint. My father... He didn't approve. I was too sensitive, too dreamy... So I left. I didn't have any money, I started from scratch... I made many bad decisions too, but... This place, in which I am now satisfied with me. This park. Here and now. In your company. That pleases me. Here everything is simple and uncomplicated, free from memories that are hidden from me. You had a good idea to come here. Also nice Jaehwan is terrifying, he has always been like a dick for me. So I wanted to escape."  
Hakyeon pursed his lips.  
"Oh yes, he can be... pain in the ass, but he's your friend."  
"I woke up in a very strange world. Nice Lee Jaehwan." Taekwoon shuddered.  
"Don't be unkind, he cares about you very much."  
"I'm not nice."  
"Yes, I've heard that already, your biggest lie. A beautiful liar, this is who you are."  
"What about you? Your father is a respected doctor, so you're not poor at all."  
"No. In fact, we're very similar in this matter. I wouldn't have to live in poverty too, but I gave up on it. The difference between us is that you had a reason for it, I took it from nowhere. Like many other things. I see the pattern now and I really want to change it."  
"You've already changed. You haven't left, you are still here." Taekwoon smiled weakly.  
"Yes."  
"So you are a beautiful liar too."  
"I guess."  
Taekwoon nodded and looked toward the boy who was running again, forgetting his fall. Hakyeon was also looking at the same boy and he thought that they were also slowly getting back on their feet and trying to forget what was wrong.  
"We must bring Minyul here." Taekwoon whispered, still looking ahead. "I think he would be very happy."  
"I agree. You seem to be getting along well. I'm glad. I'm glad I took him, he would end up at the orphanage."  
"Tell me how this happened when we walk."  
Hakyeon got up first and soon walked side by side next to each other.  
"I left immediately after your accident. I knew that only my father could help. So nothing else mattered, no quarrel that separated us. I was ready for anything, if only he would agree to help. And when I waited for my father, the boy was there. He didn't say a word, but hid next to me. And he didn't want to go back to his room. Nurse told me that his house was burned and only he survived."  
"That's... horrible to hear. Ah, I understand now, you have similar experience."  
"Yes. I thought I should take care of him and I wanted it so much, just like you took care of me."  
"And now I look after Minyul, and you look after me. That's how the world works."  
"It doesn't bother me, I'm happy, I really am. I'm not afraid anymore. This walk was a really good idea."  
"Mh. As I said, you have to believe in yourself more, Hakyeon."  
"I'm working on it."  
"Good. Now let's go eat something, I'm starving."

When they ate in the inn, Hakyeon watched him in silence. He didn't think about his stupidity, but about what they could do together and talk about. He was dizzy. They had a lot of possibilities. The future was open to them. And Hakyeon knew that even if the memories didn't come back, they could create many new ones together.

Day by day.

* * *

 

They were sitting in the garden and Hakyeon was reading his favorite poetry aloud. They played with Minyul. The days were getting warmer and everything seemed to go in the right direction.  
Sometimes Taekwoon had severe headaches and Hakyeon was alarmed all the time. But they promised themselves that they would say everything they felt. And even if the emotions were not always the best, they were able to communicate.

But on those better days, they were always busy. Hakyeon felt how he fell in love with him anew and it was painful when he stopped himself from this thought. Because it wasn't the time for it. Taekwoon couldn't feel obliged.  
And as summer approached, Taekwoon became more energetic. For a person who still had a grim mood and wasn't too talkative by nature, it was a very interesting phenomenon. He wanted to draw this one day. Hakyeon wasn't so sure, but Taekwoon insisted.  
"Hakyeon, I'm an artist, I have to draw, I'm going to use coal, not paints, to avoid a headache. And I want to draw you, so can we finally go?"  
He was like a moody child who wouldn't let go until he got what he wanted.  
And before Hakyeon could take his things, Taekwoon had long been waiting for him outside.  
"Another trip?"  
It was Hongbin. Hakyeon made great progress with Taekwoon, but when it comes to Hongbin... It was a dead zone. Not mentioned where he was with Jaehwan.  
"Yes, Taekwoon wants to sketch." Hakyeon replied, Hongbin nodded and looked as if he wanted to leave. "Hongbin? Is there a chance we can reach an agreement? I don't want this tension between us. I really don't want that."  
"I'm fine, Hakyeon. Remember that you were the one who tried to reject everyone. Come when you're ready. We'll talk."  
"Yes, right, I'll do it. Thank you."  
Hongbin shook his head, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. With a slightly lighter heart, Hakyeon left the house.  
They went horseback, not far. They stopped in a clearing, in the shadow of a large oak tree.  
Taekwoon was sketching for a long time and Hakyeon began to feel a tingle in his back from because of sitting still in one position. He grimaced and wanted to find a better position.  
"Don't move." Taekwoon muttered.  
"My back is numb."  
"Only a moment."  
Hakyeon snorted.  
"You haven't changed at all. Maybe you don't remember, but you terrorized me for hours. You threatened that you would not pay me if I don't stop moving. I was exhausted and you used that I needed that money."  
"I'm sure I warned you that I'm not nice."  
"Oh yes, you did it."  
"So, don't blame me."  
Hakyeon sighed irritably and lay down on the blanket.  
"Hey!" Taekwoon called.  
"I don't care. You don't pay me anymore, so I won't get tired out. Besides, it was supposed to be a sketch. Do you do a full drawing?"  
"Not at all."  
"Show me." Hakyeon stood up.  
"No."  
"Don't be a grump, show me myself."  
"No."  
Hakyeon sighed and reached for a sketchbook, but Taekwoon pulled it away quickly and Hakyeon lost his balance.  
Hakyeon lay on his stomach and stared at Taekwoon's face. They haven't been so close together for months. They were not close at all, and now Hakyeon simply didn't know what to do.  
"It's embarrassing." Hakyeon whispered and rose quickly. He felt his cheeks are going red. "Sorry."  
"It's fine. Here, look."  
Hakyeon turned and looked at the sketch. Which turned out to be a full drawing. The shading was as good as ever. Hakyeon could hardly get to know himself because he didn't think he was so beautiful.  
"As usual, you presented me more beautifully than in reality." Hakyeon whispered.  
"That's not true, you're beautiful. But I understand that it's too much... For both of us. Maybe we should come back in. It's getting late and my head hurts."  
"Yes, let's get back."  
Hakyeon got up and went to prepare the horses for the road. He was shaken and resentful. He missed being close to him. And it wasn't even about intimacy, but about being together freely. Close. Leaning against each other, embracing. He missed it and it hurt.  
"Hakyeon?" his voice was soft. "I want to try something."  
"What's this time? Your head hurts already. We should come back."  
"Yes, I know, but it's probably nothing... I just want to check something. I just have a strange feeling inside and I think I know what to do."  
"So?" Hakyeon dared look at him. Taekwoon leaned over and kissed him.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought life was more important. I thought you wanted new memories... But you are stuck in the past, Hakyeon."

It was surprising. Painful. Beautiful. Refreshing. And breaking the heart.

The kiss wasn't deep or exciting. It was a simple kiss. Like a scratch. But the wound was done earlier, so the pain was stronger. Hakyeon sighed and moved away slowly. He felt how hard it was to breathe. His eyes filled with tears in seconds, but he blinked quickly to make them disappear.

The birds were singing around, the trees were humming... And he wanted to burn everything around him, including him. The anger he had in the middle of his heart for a short moment almost tore it apart. He felt as if someone had taken away control from him. He did well with the whole situation, he felt how he walked on sure ground, and now he found himself on the breaking ice and every step could cost him life. Did Taekwoon not take into account what it meant to him? Being next to him was difficult enough, and now this... It was like a stab in the back. The dagger twisted painfully and drilled deeper, trying to reach the heart that barely beat. His lungs, which could barely catch the air, now seemed not to function at all.

Hakyeon felt cold, his hands trembled.

"Hakyeon?" he heard. Taekwoon was uncertain.

Hakyeon felt only anger and pain.

"Did you satisfy your curiosity? Did it help you with something?" Hakyeon asked. Offensively. With anger.

"I just... I really wanted to kiss you. Maybe I shouldn't? Sorry."

"The fact that you are sorry now makes it only worse."

"Why?"

Hakyeon sighed when he heard this question. Stupid question. How could he have asked anything like that at all? Wasn't it obvious?

"Never mind. Let's go back." he turned to his horse to correct the saddle.

"Hakyeon, we promised to tell everything to each other. You said that we kept a lot of things in silence and that was building tension and a lot of misunderstandings between us. If we want to start over, and I want it, tell me how you feel."

Yes, they promised it to each other. But Hakyeon felt so torn.

"But I don't want to talk about it. I want to pretend nothing happened!"

"Hakyeon, why? It will only make everything worse. Please, tell me."

This soft voice. Quiet, like a summer wind that wraps the skin and makes Hakyeon feel comfortable and good. Why did it have to look like this?

"Good, you want to know?" Hakyeon turned to face him and glared at Taekwoon. "Because I love you. I love you more than I can express and every minute with you is a constant agony!"

"Still, I don't understand."

"You don't remember me!"

"But we have agreed that we will work on it patiently. Even if I don't get my memories back, I want to get to know you again. Why do you reject me and want to make me feel guilty?"

"I don't want to! Or maybe I want to... I don't know! I just don't want you to feel obligated!"

"Obligated? For what?"

"To have feelings for me."

Taekwoon blinked, clearly confused.

"Wait, do I get it right? Do you think that since I've lost my memory, there is a small chance that I can feel something for you?"

"No. I just don't want you to feel forced, I want to give you space."

"For what?"

"Maybe you will meet someone else. Maybe your heart will decide that it is not me."

Hakyeon looked down. It would be the end of him. Every breath was like inhaling the sharp air that hurt his lungs. His throat was so tight that he could barely swallow.

"Hakyeon, what are you talking about, who should I meet?" Hakyeon looked up and saw that Taekwoon was looking around. "I can't see anybody. Someone hid in the bushes and waiting for me?" he laughed, and Hakyeon felt even more angry.

"Stop joking. It really hurts me." Hakyeon murmured.

"You're so silly. I don't even know why you are like this. Imagine a wife and a husband. One of them losing memory, so the other person should step aside? Just in case? it doesn't work like that!"

"Yes, this is how it works! You can't expect someone to be yours, even if it used to be so. This is not fair. And we're not married."

"So should I propose you? Will you be calmer then?" he smiled. An event so rare and so strange on his face that Hakyeon was close to madness.

"No! For God's sake, why is it so funny to you? Please, stop!" he sighed. "Let's just... forget it. I'm fine. We don't have to talk about it anymore. But it's hard for me and I ask you not to do it anymore. I don't want this. Never again."

"Fine." his voice was even quieter, sadder.

Hakyeon nodded.

"Let's go."

He got on his horse and moved first, following the narrow forest path.

"I understand that you are trying to kill love for me this way." Hakyeon heard. Taekwoon was right behind him. He didn't want to let go. The wound in Hakyeon's soul pulsed with fiery pain. "You are so afraid that my love for you wasn't true, that you prefer to kill your own. Tell me I'm wrong, because that's how it looks."

"Maybe. Maybe it will be better."

"You're trying to decide for me all the time. Which in turn hurts me. You hurt me that way. When you finally understand that I'm really trying. Should I apologize for forgetting you? It's not my fault! I tried to protect someone who was important to me. And it still is. Knowing myself, I felt guilty that anything threatened you at all. That fire, the case with Lee... We've gone through it all and now you're just getting angry. Don't you dare go, 'cause I'm talking to you now!"

Hakyeon felt a tug. The horse shifted uneasily as Taekwoon grabbed the reins hard to stop him. Hakyeon has never heard Taekwoon scream. That's why he was looking at him now in shock.

"My head still hurts because I try to remember anything! Because I want to remember. I feel you are attractive to me. I have chills when you are close and sometimes I would like to just… take you to bed. Just to feel you. But I can't because you cut yourself off. You treat me like a thoughtless person who has lost his memory and thereby removes those he doesn't remember. I want to remember it because I see how you suffer and this love... must have been something special. And I want to feel it. But you don't let me because you think it's a obligation."

Hakyeon couldn't say a word. He sat on a horse's back, clenched his fingers on a hard mane, and cried.

Taekwoon let go of his reins.

"I really don't know why you feel so bad about all of this. I thought life was more important. I thought you wanted new memories... But you are stuck in the past, Hakyeon. I guess you want it more than future."

Taekwoon passed him and soon disappeared around the bend.

He was there alone. Feeling cold and miserable.

 

Hakyeon was the last to arrive home. He wasn't hurry. He saw that the horse Taekwoon rode on was being led to the stable, so he arrived safely.

Hakyeon took care of the horse himself. He needed a moment to cool down, but that didn't help much. He understood that he hates himself. He hates himself so much that he couldn't open his heart again.

The darkness was consuming him again, and he couldn't deal with it. Yes, he wanted to move on. He wanted new memories. He wanted to be with Taekwoon again, as he used to... But he couldn't. He was so tired and frustrated. Why he couldn't enjoy what he had?

Why he was so broken?

 

And then Jaehwan appeared.

 

Hakyeon blinked and turned his face away to wipe it off. Jaehwan was the last person he wanted to meet now. He tried to find a scraper, but it wasn't anywhere...

"Here." Jaehwan's voice was unusually soft and calm. There was no anger or disappointment on his face. There was kindness.

Hakyeon took the scraper and completed his task to clean horse hooves.

"I'll finish in a moment." Hakyeon said for fear that Jaehwan wants to point out that he has been here too long.

"Take your time. I came because..." Jaehwan looked down. Something happened. Something that extinguished his flame.

"Jaehwan?"

"Sanghyuk... he moved out."

Hakyeon blinked in surprise.

"I see him here all the time."

"Yes. He's here. With Wonshik and Hongbin. For Taekwoon. But he doesn't talk to me. He said I was an unbearable imbecile who has no empathy and he can't live with someone like that."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There was silence. Hakyeon combed the horse's mane and went outside. Jaehwan followed him.

Without a word, they walked toward a small hill just behind the fence. There was a small tree under which they sat and looked at the mansion.

"What's wrong with us?" Hakyeon spoke first.

"I'm an imbecile without empathy. And I must admit... I was terrible. And now that Sanghyuk became so close to me and left me for a specific reason, I... I can't look in the mirror."

"I'm also an imbecile. We were on a small trip. Everything was good and... Taekwoon kissed me and I freaked out."

"He kissed you? And it was so terrible?"

"No! That's not the point. I panicked, started... saying things. Taekwoon yelled at me."

"Taekwoon can yell? Woah, I wouldn't expect that."

"I was surprised too. But yes. And he said something that gives me no peace. He said that I got stuck in the past. And he is right. I got stuck. And I can't move on."

"Why?"

Hakyeon shook his head and shrugged.

"I just can't. These memories are so precious to me that I can't let them go." he embraced his shoulders and bowed his head, hiding it between his knees. "I want everything to be as it used to be."

Jaehwan sighed.

"But it won't be. And you have to deal with it. Especially that, he may never get his memories back." silence fell. Hakyeon bit his lip so hard that he felt pain and then blood. "Do you love him, Hakyeon?"

"More than I can express." he said without hesitation.

"Then why aren't you with him? If it happened to me, I would do everything to make Sanghyuk love me again. Again and again. And you, actually, are doing everything to let Taekwoon give up. And when he gets involved with someone else, what will you do? Will you be unhappy and leave? Hakyeon, you can't do that. He wants you. Although he doesn't remember you. It didn't change that he is interested in you."

"I know! He told me! But... I can't. And I'm angry and frustrated and torn! I can't let it go and forget!"

"It only causes more pain, you can see it yourself."

"Yes, but it is easier for him. He is free from these memories. It's a blank page for him. I know all this and understand that we are so lucky. He survived this accident. That's why I hate myself more and more..."

Jaehwan sighed. He wasn't annoyed or bored. It was a heavy and tired sigh.

"What is your most favorite memory?" he suddenly asked.

Hakyeon didn't have to think long. It immediately appeared in front of his eyes.

The day they both were happiest. A perfect day.

_ One fine day... _

"When we were at the river. All of us. And the moment we were sitting together. Just like that. I was in his arms and nothing else mattered. It was so simple..."

"Ah, yes. I didn't go then. I regretted it a bit when Taekwoon was in a coma... But it's nothing lost. We can go there again. Yes, it won't be the same, but I would like to have a similar memory. My own. Maybe then Sanghyuk will forgive me. The river is still there, Hakyeon."

"You should go without me. I know perfectly well that I would only suffer and live a vision of the past. I would destroy a moment that should be joyful."

"Imagine that it never happened."

"What?" Hakyeon didn't quite understand what he meant.

"Imagine it never happened. Forget about that day."

"No. No! It's impossible!"

Jaehwan looked at him very firmly. His features were expressive and sharp.

"It never happened." Jaehwan repeated.

Hakyeon felt his shoulders tremble. Forget the day he was so happy? No.

"We were so happy then..." he whispered.

"And you can be again. But you have to say goodbye to what it was. I know it's difficult, but love doesn't go away so easily. Not your love. It's still there. You just have to let him."

It seemed very simple. Close the door and open a new one. But for Hakyeon it was too much. He wasn't ready. And he was afraid he would never be.

He shook his head.

"No, I can't. I think my heart will break if I do." he covered his face and felt him on the verge of crying. And then he felt Jaehwan put his hand on his shoulder.

"You can handle it, Hakyeon. You are stronger than you think."

"But I'm also very stupid."

"You just went through a lot. This accident also affected you. You have a different type of coma and you just have to wake up."

"I'm just scared. I'm so scared that it's my fault and that he will hate me..." his voice broke. He couldn't take it anymore.

And most surprisingly, Jaehwan was the one who said what he needed to hear.

"It's not your fault. It was an accident and you're part of it too. And most important, Taekwoon can't hate you. Not you. It's impossible."

Hakyeon sat huddled for a long time and allowed himself to sob. Jaehwan kept his hand on his back, drawing small circles. A simple, small gesture that gave him so much comfort.

His wound hurt more than ever, and he hoped that this time it would really heal.

"I think I have to move out." Hakyeon said finally, wiping his face.

"Do you want to run again?"

"No, no. I just found a job in town. I will be more convenient. But I will come here to see you. And him. Maybe it will help me. A bit of room for me... to open up for the future."

"Good. But you have to tell the others. No more running without a word."

"Yes. I know. I will tell everyone today."

He was afraid of dinner. He wasn't sure what he would see in Taekwoon's eyes, but he had to endure it somehow. He had to separate completely, clear his mind and get to his feet. He didn't want to wander in the fog and walk on thin ice.

Taekwoon was sitting at the very end of the table. Next was Minyul and Jaehwan. Hongbin, Wonshik and Sanghyuk sat next to Hakyeon, which surprised him a bit, but he wasn't going to argue.

They ate in silence, the atmosphere was calm. But Hakyeon felt Taekwoon's eyes on him. Maybe he sensed what Hakyeon was going to do? Or maybe he was thinking about something completely different?

And when they were drinking tea, he finally decided to speak.

"I want to apologize to you. My recent behavior affected everyone, but I want you to know... that it's very difficult for me. I still have a sense of loss and I can't shake it off despite the fact that a person who is so close to me is right there." he looked at Taekwoon briefly. "Most of the time I felt useless and unnecessary. That's why I decided to find a job and I got it. I will move to the town to be closer. But I will visit you. I don't want to run away." he shook his head. "But I'm not feeling well and I need to take some distance. Maybe when I manage to achieve something and feel that I'm standing firmly on the ground, it will be easier for me. I'm stuck in the past and I won't be able to move on unless I change something. I want it. In that case, tomorrow I will take my things and leave. Please, I hope you understand. I don't want to argue. At the moment I only have you... I just need to find a place in my mind where I will stop feeling so bad."

There was silence until Hongbin spoke first:

"Do you need money?"

"No." Hakyeon shook his head quickly. "I have a place ready. Besides, I owe you enough."

"Hakyeon, you don't owe us anything." Jaehwan spoke up. "Everything is fine."

"If you feel you need it, do it." Sanghyuk added. "Just don't run away from us. We're family."

Hakyeon smiled and felt touched. It was the first time someone called them that. Family. And the fact that Sanghyuk said it meant a lot to him.

"Yes. I will remember that."

"Where did you get this job?" Wonshik asked, frowning. "Will you pose for someone again?"

Taekwoon shifted nervously, but didn't say a word.

"No." Hakyeon responded cautiously. "Nguyễn asked me to take care of the gallery. He's leaving. I didn't want to agree, but he said that the gallery belongs to us anyway." looked at Taekwoon. "I decided that this could be true after all. So I agreed."

"Maybe it's good." Jaehwan sighed. "However, I would reject the offer. But it's me. It's possible that it's a good option for you."

Hakyeon nodded.

"I think that too. And I hope it works out for good."

"We all want it." Jaehwan nodded.

The air seemed lighter. Hakyeon pretended that he didn't notice Sanghyuk looking at Jaehwan. He hoped that these two would reach an agreement faster.

 

Minyul stayed in the mansion because he felt more connected with Taekwoon now. Besides, he had better conditions here. Hakyeon will also be very busy and he won't be able to give to the boy as much time as he deserved.

 

He felt strangely calm, as if his path had suddenly become right. He felt it was a good decision and it would have a positive effect on his state of mind. He finally wanted to wake up and feel that he wanted to live.

He didn't have many things, so the bag wasn't big, and when he stood on the doorstep right after breakfast, he was ready to go.

Everyone told him a simple goodbye. There was no need to introduce too much drama, since Hakyeon will appear in this house again soon.

But the person who wanted to walk him to the gate was Taekwoon.

"You are mad at me?" Hakyeon had to ask about it.

"No." soft and calm voice. "And are you mad at me?"

"No. But I took your words into consideration. And you're probably right. That's why I want to step back to look at everything from a different perspective."

"So it's good then."

"I will probably spend a few days getting to know everything, so don't worry if I don't show up." Hakyeon looked at him. On his slightly ruddy face and black hair, slightly falling on his eyes. He wanted to touch them, dip their fingers in them.

"Fine." Taekwoon nodded.

"So there is no sorrow between us?"

"I'm fine. And don't worry about me. Think about yourself."

"I want it to succeed. I want to come back to you."

Taekwoon touched his cheek lightly and looked into Hakyeon's eyes.

"I will wait. As long as I have to. I'm not going anywhere."

Hakyeon nodded and fought tears that persistently wanted to get into his eyes. He bit his lip. He won this little battle and he felt relieved.

"But you better hurry up." Taekwoon added. "Because I want to kiss you again."

Hakyeon felt his heart beat faster.

"Yes. I mean, okay, I'll do what I can..." he felt flattered, so he looked away and adjusted the bag in his hand. "I need to go. Nguyễn is leaving soon, and I would like him to introduce me to the subject."

"Of course. See you soon." Taekwoon opened the iron gate for him. A servant waited there with a horse ready to go.

"See you later." Hakyeon answered when he was already in the saddle.

"Very soon." Taekwoon said and gave him a strange look he couldn't understand, so Hakyeon just smiled and he headed towards the town.


End file.
